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Mystery Baklava Theater!!!!!!!!!: Episode V
By Cartoonatic

 



Mystery
Baklava Theater!!!!!!!!
Episode V
1/3/2006


It's disclaimer time!


Disclaimer: The fanfic, "Par for the Course", is the property of its owner.
The characters contained in said fanfic are the property of their owner(s).
"Mystery Science Theater 3000", which "Mystery Baklava Theater!!!!!!!!" is based upon,
is the property of its owner(s). The Happy Gillmore Theme is the property of
its owner(s). "Mystery Baklava Theater!!!!!!!!" and all of the characters
within it are the property of myself. Now, on with the fanfic!





---------------------------------------------------------------------

Director: Cue the theme song in three... two... one...
Director's assistant: Action!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

In the not-too-distant future
Next Monday A.D.
There was a radio named Nemo
How he became sentient don't ask me
He spent his time plotting revenge
Which to his rivals he would send
One day he found the perfect torture
But he had to test it on some innocent people first




Dr. Nemo: I'll send them cheesey fan fics
The worst I can find (lalala)
They'll have to sit and watch them all
And I'll monitor their minds (lalala)



Now keep in mind the victims can't control
When the fics begin or end (lalala)
Because Dr.Nemo used those special parts
To collect the victims

*whistle blows* Roll call!

Pupmon
"Call my agent!"

Colba
"Hi Mom!"

Lloooooooyd
"Sam-I-Ain't"


If you're wondering how they eat and sleep
And other science facts (lalala)
Remind yourself that it's only fiction
I should really just relax
For "Mystery Baklava Theater!!!!!!!!"


-------------------------------------------------------------




Pupmon: Greetings all, and welcome to "Mystery Baklava Theater!!!!!!!!".
I am here with my two friends, Colba and Lloyd.

Colba: Howdy!

Lloyd: Yo!

Pupmon: Today, my friends and I are partaking in one of the greatest
activities in the universe...

All: Arts and crafts!

Pupmon: We have just now completed the activity, so what did you make Colba?

Colba: I made a drawing of me and my spaceship.
*holds up a small badly drawn picture of himself with his spaceship*
Pretty cool, eh?

Pupmon: I don't know if "cool" is the proper word to describe your drawing.

Colba: Awesome, then? Or how about amazing? Maybe even spectactular?

Pupmon: Why don't we just call it unique and leave it at that?

Colba: Alright. *looks at his picture and grins smugly*

Pupmon: What did you make Lloyd?

Lloyd: I made a small sculpture out of peanut butter and creme corn.

Pupmon: Ah.

Colba: *looks at the sculpture* Peanut butter and creme corn!?

Lloyd: Yep. *grins*

Pupmon: What is it supposed to be a sculpture of, exactly?

Lloyd: It's a sculpture of the Taj Mahal, can't you tell?

Colba: It looks like a castle to me.

Lloyd: Well, it's not a castle! It's the Taj Mahal, right Pupmon?

Pupmon: Actually, it kind of reminds me of the Vatican.

Lloyd: The Vatican!?

Colba: Face it, Lloyd, your sculpture is lame.

Lloyd: Yeah, well, your picture is te suxxors!!

Colba: What!?

Pupmon: *snickers* Owch.

Dr.Nemo: *off-screen* Oh, children, it's time for your daily experiment!

Colba: Lloyd, did you just swear at me? Pupmon, did he swear at me?

Pupmon: Uh, let's continue this conversation some other time, shall we?

Colba and Lloyd: Okay.

*Pupmon, Colba, and Lloyd go to where Dr.Nemo is*

Dr.Nemo: Ah, greetings my children, are you ready for today's experiment?

Pupmon, Colba, and Lloyd: *half-hearted* Yes, doctor.

Dr.Nemo: The theme for today's experiment is that timeless sport enjoyed
mostly by retirees, yes, golf, which will be featured most prominently in today's fanfic,
"Par for the Course". It's an Azumanga Daioh fanfic, in which the girls deceide to
partake in a friendly game of miniature golf.

Pupmon: A story about the girls of Azumanga Daioh playing miniature golf?

Dr.Nemo: That's it in a nutshell.

Colba: One of the funniest mangas of all time, mixed in with one of the most
boring sports of all time? This I gotta see.

Pupmon: *looks at watch* Well, it appears you will be getting your
wish Colba, because we have FANFIC SIGN!



----------------------------------------------------------------


Door 6
Door 5
Door 4
Door 3
Door 2
Door 1

-------------------------------------------------------------------

*Pupmon, Colba, and Lloyd take their seats*

Colba: I still wanna know what you said to me, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Look it up in a dictionary.

Colba: Fine, I'll do that.




<Par for the Course
(An Azumanga Daioh fic)
Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at>

Lloyd: 1-800-I-DONT-CARE

<sommer@3rdm.net
All of my fics are stored at the following:
Larry F's new address at:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/d_b_sommer/index.html

And also Angcobra is now storing fics, at

http://www.hostultra.com/~AngCobraFics/dbsommer.html
At fanfiction.net:
http://www.fanfiction.net/
Or R+C books at:
http://www.fanworks.org>

Colba: Hey, is this a fanfic or an ad?

<Standard Disclaimer:>

Pupmon: *as author* I don't own anything here except the computer,
heck I don't even own that!

<I don't own any of the Azumanga Daioh characters.
They are owned by Kiyohiko Azuma, Genco, J.C. Staff, and ADV Films.>

Colba: Never heard of 'em.

<Forward: This came to me when I was in the mood to do some Azumanga
and my muse forced me to write it.>

Lloyd: *as muse a la gangster* Write this story or the computer gets it!

Colba: *author, frightened* Ahh!

<As usual, this is short and pointless.>

Pupmon: Just like the Banana Splits show!

<It's continuous, like Je Ne Comprends,
but in my opinion isn't as good as that or the others,
like Sex Education. Hope you enjoy it anyway.>

Colba: We can't make any promises but we'll try.

<Xxxxxxxxxxxxx>

Lloyd: Hey, this is supposed to be a kids' fic!

<~~Tee Time~~>

Colba: *with British accent* Care for a spot?

Pupmon: *with British accent* Why, certainly.

<"Finished!">

Lloyd: Well, it took you long enough!

<Tomo punctuated her declaration by tossing her pen
high in the air and catching it as it fell back down to Earth.>

Colba: Unfortunately, as it fell down through the Earth's atmosphere
it was redudced to smithereens.

<Yukari walked by the desk and took the test from Tomo,
muttering something about how it took her long enough
and it wasn't like she was going to pass it anyway,
so she should have just written down whatever came
to mind and finished sooner.>

Lloyd: *as Yukari* Oh, why didn't I become an accountant like my mother
wanted?

<Once Yukari left the room, Tomo turned to Kagura.>

Pupmon: *as Tomo* Great, the teacher's gone.
Quick, hand me some gum.

<"I've got an idea.>

Colba: Let's have a slumber party!

<Why don't we get the gang together and celebrate me acing this test?">

Lloyd: Let's not celebrate and say we did.

<"I guess." Kagura wasn't so sure she had done well.>

Pupmon: Well, maybe if she had spent more time studying
and less time swimming...

<She had even greater doubts about her 'Blockhead' partner
scoring very high either. "There's nothing to be gained
by worrying over it now. It's best to have fun while we can,"
Tomo said in her typically confident voice. Kagura relented.
"Okay.">

Colba: *as Kagura* Now will you just leave me alone!?

<Tomo carefully examined Kagura.
"You're pretty good at sports, aren't you?"
"Yeah." Kagura's voice was full of pride. Tests were hard.
Physical activities were easy."What sport aren't you good at?"
Kagura considered that. She liked everything,>

Lloyd: Except tests.

<and due to her athletic background, tended to be at least good at
whatever she tried. After several minutes of thought,
she finally came up with an answer. "Miniature golf."
Tomo turned to Yomi and the others who had gathered around her desk.
"Hey guys, we're going to play miniature golf tonight!">

Pupmon: *as Yomi* Well, I have to, er, go to my book club meeting!

Lloyd: *as Chiyo-chan* I have to stay home and wash Mr.Tadakachi!

Colba: *as Osaka* And I just don't want to come!

<"Why the heck do we have to play something I'm not good at?!"
Kagura shouted.
"So when you lose to me, I can rub your face in it,">

Colba: Duh.

<Tomo said as though it was the most logical thing in the world.
Kagura stared at her blankly.
"Well, no one can accuse you of being devious, that's for sure."
"Of course not," Tomo stated proudly.
"Irritating, obnoxious, and noisy, but not devious."
"Hey!">

Pupmon: *as Tomo* You forgot stupid!

<Tomo shouted while everyone surrounding her nodded
in silent agreement with Kagura.
Osaka scratched her head in contemplation.>

Colba: *as Osaka* Why do I have a Texan accent?

<"Did you say it's miniature golf?" "Yeah," Tomo answered.
"If it's miniature, doesn't that mean only Chiyo-chan can play?"
She stared pointedly at the short redhead.
Yomi sighed, adjusting her glasses.>

Lloyd: *as Yomi* I really have to stop using these store-bought glasses.

<"No, it just means it's played on a small course
and you only use putters.">

Colba: Where's the sport in that!?

<Osaka continued looking meaningfully at Chiyo.
"But she's miniature, so that would give her an unfair advantage."
"We'll tie one hand behind her back to even things out," Tomo said.
"We will not," Yomi said brusquely as Chiyo started to protest.>

Lloyd: *as Tomo* Ah man, now what am I gonna do with this rope?

<Kagura sighed. She just knew it was going to be a long night.>

Colba: Actually, it just seems longer.

<xxxxxxxxxxxxx>

Pupmon: I guess the tic-tac-toe game got a little
out of hand.

<~~Birdie~~>

Colba: *sings* Little bird, little bird, in the cinnamon tree...

<A quintet of girls lined up at the first tee at the miniature golf course,
waiting patiently with clubs and balls in hand.
Kagura stared at her watch.>

Lloyd: I love this watch.

<"Where's Osaka? She's late.">

Pupmon: *as Larry the Cucumber* I don't know, should've been here by now.

<"We should start without her," Tomo suggested
as she took mighty practice swings with her club,
nearly hitting Chiyo in the process.>

Colba: Tomo doesn't know a thing about golf etiqutte, does she?

<It was only Sakaki's quick reflexes that snatched
the short girl out of the way.
Before Yomi could reproach Tomo,>

Lloyd: Chiyo-chan beat the spit out of Tomo with a golf club.

<Osaka appeared from the entrance to the course.
She was wearing plaid pants, a fuchsia and pink sweater,
a yellow cap with a purple tassel on top,
and bore a small cup in her hand.>

All: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Colba: My eyes! My eyes!

<The girls' eyes bulged so wide they nearly fell out of their heads.
"What is that you're wearing?" Chiyo managed to ask.>

Lloyd: *as Osaka* Something I saw on What Not to Wear(tm).

<Osaka looked down at her clothing. "I told my dad
I was going to play golf, and he bought this outfit for me.
He plays golf and seemed to think you had to
wear something like this to play."
"It hurts my eyes just to look at it," Kagura said, shying away.>

Pupmon: You and me both, sister.

<"And why do you have a cup?" Sakaki asked.>

Lloyd: *sings* Eat from a plate and drink from a cup!

<Osaka held the cup before her. "You said to show up for tea time.
This is my tea. Where's yours, or did you already drink it?"
Kagura felt like crying. "They don't mean that kind of tea.
They mean this kind." She picked a tee up and showed it to Osaka.>

All: Ooooh, aaaaaah.

<"Oh." The dawn of realization dawned slowly in Osaka's eyes.
She looked at the cup in her hand, and then at the tee in Kagura's.>

Pupmon: *as Osaka* I still like my tea better.

<"Homonyms are really quite confusing, aren't they?"
She took a sip of her tea. Tomo cleared her throat. "Since everyone's here,
let's start. I'll go first. I'm gonna kick everyone's butts!">

Colba: Well, someone's overconfident.

<Everyone stood far back from Tomo as she put her ball
on the ground and then proceeded to stare up at the sky.>

Lloyd: *as Tomo* It's...so blue...

<She held her hand above her eyes, visually scanning the horizon.
After a full minute of the peculiar behavior, Yomi started to ask,
"What are you-"The rest was cut off as Tomo cried out, "Fore!">

Colba: Three!

<She drew as far back as she could with the club,
then swung, hitting the ball cleanly and sending it up so high
it nearly struck a low flying seagull.>

Pupmon: Nigel, no!

<"What the hell were you aiming at?!" Yomi shouted.>

Lloyd: *as Tomo* The sky, duh.

<Tomo shot her a pity-filled glance.
"I watched some golf on television today.
The announcers said one of the golfers won the game when he hit a birdie."
Yomi resisted the urge to hit Tomo with the club.
"That's not what they mean when they say someone 'hit a birdie'!>

Colba: *stupidly* Uh, it's not?

<It means they hit the ball into the hole one shot under par."
Sakaki sighed in relief.
There was no way she would attack a harmless
creature merely to play a game.
"Oh," Tomo said. She pulled another ball out and put it down.
She looked up to the sky, shouted out, "Fore!">

Lloyd: Six!

<and swung as hard as she could, sending the ball toward another bird.>

Pupmon: Tweety, no!

<Yomi shouted, "What are you doing now, you idiot?!>

Lloyd: *as Tomo* Playing golf, duh.

<I already explained to you what a birdie is!"
"But if you actually hit a bird with the ball,
it still means you get that score, right?" Tomo asked.
"No!" Yomi snatched the club out of Tomo's hands and
thumped her in the head with it.>

Colba: So, if you hit someone in the head with a club,
do you get points for it?

Pupmon: I doubt it.

<xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>

Colba: X marks the spot! Well, spots in this case.

<~~Par 4~~

The group decided it would be best to rotate who went first
(except Tomo, who was being punished and forced to go last at every hole).>

All: Ha ha!

<Osaka was first up at the next hole.
She looked at the lay of the terrain.>

Lloyd: Nothing but sand pits far as the eye could see.

<It was composed of two hills with a short sloping valley in between them.
The first hill, directly in front of the tee,
was higher than the other one and with a steep grade.>

Pupmon: This hill received an A+, yay!

<The lower hill's grade on the other side wasn't as high.>

Colba: While this hill received a meager B-.

<The hole was located right in the middle of the valley between the hills.
Hitting the ball hard enough to roll over the crest of
the first hill would take a good bit of effort,>

Lloyd: Or you could just place the ball on the hill.

<and the odds of the momentum taking it over the smaller,
less sloping one, were good.
Hitting it too weakly would mean the ball not making it over the hill
and having to retake the shot.>

Pupmon: And retaking the shot repeatedly would result in much
swearing and the hitting of clubs.

<Osaka looked away from the hill and
noticed Kagura scribbling away on a small pamphlet.
"What are you writing?">

Colba: *as Kagura* A fan letter to Tiger Woods.

<"I'm writing our scores in the scorecard," Kagura explained,
walking next to Osaka and showing it to her.
She pointed out the individual names and
the holes and where their scores went.>

Pupmon: *as Osaka* Wait a minute, who's Ayumu...oh, that's me.

<"What are those?" Osaka pointed to a set of numbers,
one in front of each hole on the card.
"Those are the pars. The guys who designed the course figure
that's how many strokes you'll have to take to sink the ball in the hole.
This one is a>

Colba: Ten.

<four." She pointed out the number to Osaka.
"I see," Osaka said knowingly.
She went back to the ball resting on the ground.
She looked up at the hill, then lined her club up with it.
She drew back the club, then swung, connecting cleanly with the ball.>

Lloyd: As opposed to connecting dirtily.

<The white sphere rolled up the hill,>

All: *sing* Rollin', rollin', rollin'...

<losing momentum fast until it seemed to be barely moving forward.>

Pupmon: *sings* The faster you push me, the farther I'll get...

<It made it to the very peak of the hill.
For a second, the others thought it would roll back down,
but after pausing for a moment,>

Colba: It exploded.

<it rolled smoothly down the opposite side of the hill.
It rolled to the left of the cup and up the second hill.>

Lloyd: Up, up, and away!

<The ball made it only four-fifths of the way up before
its momentum>

All: Momentum!

<died and it rolled back down.
It passed by the cup again, nearer this time,
before rolling partially up the downside of the previous hill.
This time it barely went up before coasting down the hill,
coming to a complete stop within a centimeter of the hole.
The others whistled in appreciation.
All save Tomo, who bragged she would have sunk it.>

Colba: *as Tomo* I could have done it with my eyes closed!

<"Easy one, Osaka. You breathe hard and it'll fall in,"
Kagura assured her."Yep." Osaka nodded in agreement.
She walked up to the ball. Again she concentrated,
lining up her club with the ball. She then drew back with the club....>

Pupmon: *imitates drumroll*

<...And hit the ball in the opposite direction of the hole.>

All: HUH!?

<The others were aghast.>

Colba: That makes eight of us.

<"What are you doing? The ball was right on the edge,"
Chiyo called out. Osaka said, "It was too close.
I have to hit the ball in on the fourth stroke.
It says so on the scorecard."
Kagura said, "That's just a guess of how many shots it would
take the average player to sink it.
It doesn't mean you have to take that many strokes.">

Pupmon: It's a scorecard for Pete's sake, not a guidebook.

<"But I wouldn't want them to know they guessed wrong.
I'd feel bad about that.
So I'll go ahead and sink it in four, just like they thought I would.">

Lloyd: *as Osaka* It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you
play the game.

<Osaka took another swing,
putting the ball back exactly where it had been two strokes before.
"Well, she's... thoughtful," Sakaki said as Osaka sank the ball.>

Colba: *as Tomo* Well, it's her loss.

<xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~~Course Hazards~~>

Pupmon: Tonight on Dukes of Hazzard: The Duke boys open up
a golf course.

<It was Sakaki's turn to tee off at the next hole.>

Lloyd: Hit it out of the park, Sakaki!

Pupmon: Lloyd, she's playing golf, not baseball.

Lloyd: Oh, sorry.

<She saw that this one was more difficult than the previous one.
It had a large mechanical cat sitting on the top of a house.>

Pupmon: Hey, it's Morris(tm)!

<Beneath the house was a series of three holes,
with a matching one on the far side of the tiny home.
A separate path led from each hole,
though each path ended at the same place;>

Colba: Hell.

<a large green with the cup.
There was sand at various spots along each path
that would slow or stop the ball altogether.
To make things more difficult,>

Lloyd: The janitor had forgotten to mow the green.

<the cat's paw dangled over the edge of the house
in front of the holes. It moved back and forth at regular intervals,
alternating which hole it blocked at any one time.>

Pupmon: *sings* To and fro, stop and go, that's what makes
the world go round...

<Sakaki chose the left hole.
She thought she had the timing of the paw
down when she took her shot. Her timing was off, though,
and the cat's paw batted the ball away. As it did so, it produced a delighted>

Colba: *evilly* Bwa ha ha ha!

<"Meow," at the contact with the ball.
Blushing, Sakaki stared at the cat in a new light.
She moved up to the ball,which had nearly made it back to the tee
from how hard the paw had struck it.
Carefully she watched the paw's pendulum-like course,>

Pupmon: Back and forth it goes, where it stops nobody knows!

<then hit the ball toward the center hole.
Again it batted the ball away, meowing as it did so.>

All: *sing* Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow...

<The tall girl repeated the action,
cat batting the ball away a third and then fourth time.
"You're having a hard time getting past that cat," Kagura said.
"You can move it on the other side of the house and hit it from there.">

Lloyd: Or you could just forfeit the hole.

<"No way!" Tomo shouted, indignantly waving her hands in the air.
Yomi put her in a headlock to restrain her, then said to Sakaki,
"It's all right.>

Colba: *sings* I'm alright, nobody worried 'bout me...

<Go ahead and place it on the other side."
Osaka and Chiyo voiced their agreement as well.
Sakaki looked at the cat, then blushed even more.
"No, that's all right.>

Colba: *sings* I'm alright, nobody worried-

Pupmon: Colba...

Colba: What?

<You can play ahead. I'll catch up later.">

Lloyd: Two weeks later, Sakaki was still playing the hole.

<Xxxxxxxxxx

~~Hole in None~~>

Colba: *sings in deep voice* You've got to go dig those holes...

<Chiyo stared worriedly at the next hole.
This one was the most difficult yet.
It had the longest, most twisty path,
a rotating windmill that could block the ball,
a narrow bridge over a stream, and the hole could only be reached
by bouncing the ball just right off a rubber bumper.>

Colba: That's not a hole, that's an obstacle course!

<"You can do it, Chiyo!" Yomi, Kagura, and Osaka urged.>

Pupmon: *sings* Go Chiyo, it's your birthday! We're gonna party
like it's your birthday! Go Chiyo...

<Sakaki had remained behind,
continuing to hit the ball at the previous hole,
and Tomo refused to cheer for anyone other than herself.
Their encouragement inspired Chiyo. "Right! I'll do it!">

Lloyd: For Jimmy!

Pupmon & Colba: Huh?

<She pumped her tiny fist once.
Concentrating like never before, she lined up the ball, and swung.>

Pupmon: *as sports' announcer* There it goes, ladies and gentlemen,
there it goes...

<The ball was hit firmly but not too powerfully.
It followed the twisty path to the windmill,
barely making it between the spinning blades.
It went up the narrow bridge,teetering on the edge,
but not plunging in the stream.
It went on to hit the bumper, bouncing>

Colba: Boing!

<with just enough momentum
and at just the right angle to roll straight for the hole.
Kagura shouted, "All right Chiyo! A hole in on-">

Pupmon: "A hole in on"?

<Just as the ball was a centimeter away from the hole,
a golf club struck it, knocking it all the way back to the bridge
and over the edge into the stream.
Tomo gave a triumphant, "Yes, I got the block just in time!"
"There is no blocking in miniature golf!" Kagura shouted.>

Lloyd: But there is in basketball.

Colba: Push her in the stream, you know you want to!

<Yomi lowered her shoulder and ran right into Tomo,
knocking her off the green and into some shrubs lining the hole.
"There is now," Yomi said satisfactorily.>

Pupmon: *as Yomi* That was very satisfying.

<Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

~~19th Hole~~>

Lloyd: Nineteen holes? Did they have to do one of the holes over again?

Pupmon: Probably.

<"That was the most tiring game of miniature golf I've ever played,">

Colba: It was the only game of miniature golf I've ever played.

<Kagura moaned.
She had no idea it could be so draining.
It felt like she had swum fifty laps around the pool at school.>

Lloyd: Wouldn't it have been better if she had swam in the pool?

<She slumped tiredly onto a bench at the end of the course,
while Sakaki returned their clubs and remaining ball to the owners.
"Tomo has that effect on people,"
Yomi provided as she looked over at the person in question,
who was adding up the scorecard.>

Pupmon: *sings* Baby, we were born to add, baby we were born to add...

<Kagura was about to suggest they get some juice
from one of the nearby vending machines
when Tomo shouted out, "Yes! I won!">

All: *half-heartedly* Hurray.

<Everyone looked at her in surprise.
Yomi was indignant as she said, "That's impossible."
Tomo gave her a hurt look. "No way. I wouldn't cheat.
I came in first.">

Pupmon: *as Tomo* Oh, come on, admit I'm right!

<"But Osaka made par each time."
"Osaka came in last."
Osaka looked down at the ground. "Darn, even Chiyo beat me,
and I almost never lose to her at any physical activity.
Maybe I should stick to eating bread on a string.">

Lloyd: Now that's the kind of sport I'd like to play!

<"I came in first, though it was close," Tomo explained.
"Sakaki almost caught up to me."
"Sakaki took twenty shots at the fifth hole!" Kagura nearly screamed.>

Colba: *as King Karule* But the question I want answered is, why?

<"Let me see that!"
Yomi snatched the scorecard out of Tomo's hands and read it.
She snarled, "What are you talking about? You didn't finish first.
You finished last.">

Pupmon: Accept your failure!

<Tomo took it back and waved it in front of Yomi's face.
"Don't be stupid. It says right here I won.
I have the highest score." She smiled smugly at Yomi.
"Ah, the object of the game is to get the lowest score,"
Chiyo explained timidly.
Tomo turned on her in anger. "That's ridiculous.
Whose idiotic idea was that?>

Lloyd: The Scottish.

Colba: Really?

Lloyd: Yep.

<Everyone knows the highest score wins in sports."
"Not in golf," Chiyo said. The others nodded their heads in agreement.
"That's stupid!" Tomo pouted and stomped off.>

Pupmon: *as Osaka* So, does that mean I won?

<xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Morning!">

Colba: Noon!

<Chiyo greeted warmly from her seat to Kagura,
who was the last student to enter class.
A minute later Yukari walked in, slamming the door behind her.>

Lloyd: WHAM!

Colba: The band?

Lloyd: No, the sound.

Colba: Oh.

<She stood before the class and announced,>

Pupmon: I'm quitting my job!

<"I have good news and bad news."
"Give us the good news first," Tomo suggested.
Yukari hesitated a second. "Actually, there is no good news.>

Colba: Well, you know what they say, no news is good news.

<I just wanted to give you the illusion of hope
for one brief, shining moment.">

Lloyd: *as Yukari* Yes, I do have a cruel streak.

<"The moment has passed," Yomi assured her, sighing tiredly.
"Here's the bad news."
Yukari began handing the tests from yesterday back.
Tomo received hers and stared mournfully at it.>

Pupmon: *as Tomo* Sigh, another C-.

<She then stood up and raised her hand.
"Yes?" Yukari asked.
"I request we switch over to a golf grading scale
whereby the lowest score is in fact the best."
"Request denied. Now sit down in your seat
and if you must cry, do it quietly. I have a hangover.">

Colba: You think she'd wait until the weekend, but no...

Pupmon: Well, some people just can't hold their liqour.

<Tomo sat down and moaned, "It's not that I'm dumb,
it's just that the scoring systems are always off in relation
to the points I make.">

Lloyd: You keep telling yourself that.

<Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[End notes] And here endth the fic.

All: *half-heartedly* Hurray.

<Like I said, not one of my stronger efforts,>

Colba: Well, admittance is the first step to recovery.

<but there's so little Azumanga fanfiction out there, I
didn't think a weaker one would hurt it.
Thanks for reading.>

Pupmon: No, thank you.

*Pupmon, Colba, and Lloyd exit the room*

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dr.Nemo: So, how was it?

Pupmon: It was pretty good.

Colba: It wasn't as funny as I hoped it would be, but it wasn't
completely unfunny.

Lloyd: I liked it.

Dr.Nemo: It wasn't bad at all?

Pupmon: Well, it had its flaws, however, the author did state that
it was one of his lesser efforts, so at least we had a warning.

Dr.Nemo: It wasn't a terrible story?

Pupmon: No.

Lloyd: Nope.

Colba: Not really.

Dr.Nemo: *sighs* This isn't working.

Lloyd: What's not working?

Dr.Nemo: These experiments, they're absolute failures.

Pupmon: Why is that, doctor?

Dr.Nemo: Well, ever since I've been using you three in my experiments,
your reactions have always been calm and happy. I need to see some
sadness, darnit, some frustration.

Pupmon: Did you ever consider giving us more bad fics instead of good ones?

Dr.Nemo: Well...

Pupmon: Because if you give us more bad fics you might see some results, but if you
keep on giving us good fics you're not gonna see any frustration or tears.

Colba: Because the sooner you finish with your experiments, the sooner you'll
set us free, right?

Dr.Nemo: What? Oh, yes, of course. And I swear on the oath of Hippocrates
that I will send you more bad fics!

Pupmon, Colba, and Lloyd: Hurray!

Dr.Nemo: Well, that's it for today, goodbye! *hops out of the room*

Pupmon, Colba, and Lloyd: Bye!

Lloyd: Did we just ask for Dr.Nemo to torture us?

Pupmon: Well, yes, I think so.

Colba: Well, like I said earlier, the sooner he's done with his experiments
the sooner we can get out of here.

Pupmon: I hope you're right Colba, I hope you're right.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Director: Cut! That's a wrap, cue the ending theme!

Director's assistant: Cue the ending theme!

Director: Must you repeat everything I say?!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[Ending theme: The Happy Gillmore Theme]

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"We should start without her," Tomo suggested
as she took mighty practice swings with her club,
nearly hitting Chiyo in the process.
















 

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