Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fan Fiction >> Fan-Fics
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Game Over! (Part 3)
By El Sallo
...THE THRILLING(?) CONCLUSION...
(theatre doors open to reveal the six in their seats as we left them)
Joey: Boy, it's a good thing most of us are toons instead of humans with fickle kidneys building up
from the pressure of so many carbonated beverages while trying not to think of waterfalls, geysers,
Hoover Dam, Noah's Ark...
Sally (fidgeting): Keep it up, Wheeler, and you can easily be put back to janitor duty, if you get
Leela: Beta by George Lucas.
Cecil: No, all the furniture would have to be CGI first.
JC slipped on the sandals that fit tightly around his foot, like a snug glove.
Sally: ...a glove for your feet. I REALLY hate this story.
He put his robe on, and then his harness on top of that. Ster helped him hook the basket that was
carrying Jeremy and Jared onto his back. Justin did the same, taking Marcus and Connor up onto his
back and then looking at the others. Else was mounted on Chris' back, while Lance carried Cameron in
his back basket. Ster had hopped up on Joey, and Daniel carried only a few supplies.
Leela: You will CHEER during the UPLIFTING packing scene!!
Usagi (Ster): Rats. Else, can we get our money back on these Sherpas?
The rest of their needs and goods were tucked in the bottom of the baskets or attached to Joey and
Chris' harnesses. Else and Ster had smaller backpacks on their backs with food and a few appliances
Joey: Coupla fridges, the kitchen sink...
Else stroked Chris' shoulders lovingly and then gently nudged his sides, urging him forward.
Else was one of the two people that Chris trusted. Else and Lance. Chris was even skittish around
the guys. Perhaps it was because Else was different, just like he was. She was white, pure white. He
James: He was human. She was Kekton.
Usagi: He preferred potatoes. She preferred stuffing.
Sally: He left the toilet seat up. She, down.
Leela: And oh yeah, just in case you forgot, he was blind and she wasn't.
He could relate. Ster was nice, but she bore the undeniable scent of Kekton that haunted his
Usagi: And Else doesn't, for some reason?...
Cecil: Maybe to be scented you have to be pigmented.
Whenever she came close he would flinch instinctively. It was a habit he could not rid himself of.
Chris stepped forward, with Lance at his side and the others shortly behind him. Joey and Daniel
stayed towards the back, Daniel having a harder time walking than the others.
They walked down the small, rocky hallway, once an old sewer system that created a labyrinth under
Joey: Where far-off cries of "Cowabunga!" rang.
Not only was it used for the resistance workers, but the black market did most of its trailing and
routes below ground, where Kekton security was at an all time low.
The two lower factions of society mingled peacefully in the dank, underground city of drugs, freedom
fighters, and homeless beggars that had made a living out of being route runners, the ones who
risked their lives slicking drugs back and forth above ground.
Sally: Such an utterly fascinating society that we don't get to see a microsecond of as the author
was more concerned about Chris being blind and JC and Justin jacking each other off! I really REALLY
hate this story!
As they moved along, Ster banged on the lead pipes that hung low above them, sending a resonating
echo throughout the tunnels.
Cecil: These confounded aliens and their rock music-
As they walked, JC noted how many Kektons were moving into the tunnels. Humans strode next to them,
or offered their backs to the Kekton riders, a look in their eyes of deep purpose. For the first
time, Else tossed her black cloak to the ground, let her shimmering white body glow in the dim
Joey: Take it off!
"Freedom, freedom, freedom..."
Joey: Free the Kekton Two! Free the Kekton Two!
(Usagi rolls her eyes)
A low chant started in the tunnel from both Human and Kekton mouths, whispered quietly at first
until the chanting grew into an uproarious shout.
Leela: And from up above the Kekton feds were able to hear it and they swarmed in and killed
everyone. The end.
From everywhere now, both species poured into the cavern where the first meeting had been held. It
seemed as if everyone knew exactly what to do, because they were assembled into clear groups,
dressed accordingly, and ready to take action. Else brought Chris up to the podium in the center of
the cavern and the ranting ceased immediately.
Sally (Else): Everyone, just in case it hasn't been brought to your attention by now- THIS MAN IS
BLIND AS A BAT!
With a flicker of her eyes, Else silently gave out commands, in a way that none of the men could
Cecil: Or at the author was just too lazy to write about.
Leela: Ooh, burn.
JC's eyes grew wide as he saw huge portions of the wall of the cavern crumble to dust as small
explosions went off, revealing slick, silver transports and even deeper tunnels. Systematically, the
Kektons and Humans began to climb into the transports, filling the huge cylinders.
Sally: I have the strangest urge to play Lemmings for some reason...on self-destruct mode...
Else came back down off the podium and hopped onto Chris.
Usagi (Else): Whee, horsey!
"We are going to the far field," she informed them, looking around happily. "The far transport is
ours. They will take us to the place where the ships for the rebellion are. Once there, we will
begin our flight. It will take many years to reach your planet, because we cannot go at the
hyperspeed without causing authorities to question our actions," Else said.
James (Else): Then again, they are busy taking down that bar on Tattooine...
"Years?" Chris asked meekly, tilting his head a little.
Else nodded. The others all looked around at each other. The nod had finalized something, they knew
not what... but that single, small, affirming motion was their sentence. This was their cause. This
is where their life would be.
Cecil: A jumble of Word Salad.
~The Journey Starts~
(Joey loudly la-las "The Saga Begins")
Leela: Wow, we've really passed our quota of Star Wars jokes with this, haven't we?
The glossy, translucent ships weren't anything like expected.
Sally: For one thing, there were the faint strains of "Nearer My God To Thee"...
The hulls sat like gossamer wings torn from a dragonfly, the winding inner structure visible through
(all are dumbfounded)
James: That...actually described something important!
Some of the Humans halted in their tracks as they caught sight of the three, huge ships.
"The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria," Else introduced as the six men gawked. "We will be
staying aboard the Santa Maria."
Cecil (Else): You know, a little touch of Earth history we picked up before we decided to annihilate
and alter you all.
JC looked up at the names inscribed along the sides of the ship. Inside, he could just make out the
little specks that were humans, walking up and down the aisles and halls.
Leela: Yes indeed, they're walking.
"The crew is comprised of over a thousand Kektons and three times that many Humans," Else stated.
The Kekton pair started to lead the six men into the Santa Maria, the largest of the three ships.
The inside walls were a metallic black that reflected the light from the fluorescent pads above.
Else showed them to their rooms, spacious but not overwhelming. They no longer had any possessions,
Usagi: You know, besides the things they were told to pack earlier.
Joey: Gee, an inconsistency. Who'da thunk it?
so they simply sat and enjoyed. Daniel relaxed back against the bed, sighing quietly and leaning
against Joey, who was stroking his stomach thoughtfully. Taking off the packs on their backs, the
five little ones roamed around the room, crawling and playing in their new home.
Usagi: The babies had backpacks?...
Sally: When roaming clauses attack.
Else and Ster bid their goodbyes, stepping out from the rooms and walking stoically down the hall,
surrounded by other Kektons who believed in the common cause.
Leela: Of hightailing it to a decent Firefly fic while the getting was good.
They reached the head of the ship, where ten Kektons worked diligently behind consoles.
James: (Kekton a la Chekov) I'm losing control, Kiptin!
Joey: (Else a la Kirk) You... stereotypical... twit! Work... harder damn... you...
James: (Kekton) Personally, Kiptin, you talk like a dork.
Joey: (Else) Says... you, speaking... with a fake... accent!
James: (Kekton) Well, at least my hair is real! You want some of this, you poofy haired ruskie?!
Bring it on, you over glorified weenie!!
Cecil: We've officially crossed the streams with Trek and Wars jokes, huh?
Else and Ster stayed there while the remaining aliens and humans scurried to the ships. Everything
had been prepared. Everything was just right.
Usagi: A sprinkle of basil, some hollandaise sauce, set the oven to 350...
There was no ceremony as the ships slowly lifted off the ground, their engines growling.
Leela (Kekton fed): Hey, Eoj, did you hear that?
Cecil (another fed): Not a thing, Mot. Can I finish my eeffoc?
Else watched as everything below them grew small, then blurry, then covered in clouds.
Joey (Else): Mmm, shrooms...
Their surroundings grew dark as they made it out of the atmosphere, the fake credentials they
carried allowing them to pass through freely.
Sally (Church Lady): Isn't that conveeenient?
No one knew that they carried thousands of Humans within.
That day a small army of freedom fighters embarked on a ten-year journey that would take them back
to their home, where a near impossible battle would begin.
James: Ten years? Did it take that long for the humans to get to the Kekton planet in the first
Leela: Unless they were frozen Alien-style, er...no.
Sally: Have I mentioned I hate this story?
Duty filled the hearts of all on board as the Kekton home world turned into nothing more than a
glowing sphere, a bad memory to be pushed out their minds. JC gazed out the window at the countless
stars streaking across the night void.
Joey (singing loudly a la Roseanne): AND THE ROOOCKET'S RED GLARRRRRRE-
For all mankind, he would survive.
~Ten Years Later~
Usagi: Oh no, as if this wasn't incomprehensible enough already-
JC ventured down the hall, Jeremy and Jared scampering between his feet, growling at each other
James (imitates JC tripping and falling): Oof!
Sally: Worse than cats...
As Jeremy ducked down, his butt sticking in the air and his face close to the ground, smiling to
Jared in an invitation to play,
Jared leapt forward onto him, tumbling to the ground, scratching, nipping, and biting.
Sally: Boy howdy, this author sure loves commas, doesn't she?
JC watched them as he walked forward, clicking his tongue every time they got too far behind.
Abruptly, he felt two arms around his neck and two legs around his waist.
Cecil (rough voice): Uncle Guido says you needs to pay up-
Looking over his shoulder he was met with Conner's tongue,
licking across his cheek.
Usagi: ...um, ew?
James: Well, that's a little better.
Leela: We get it, author, these kids have the mental capacity of Moon Moon!
JC smiled to Connor, running a hand through his thick blonde curls and cooing lightly too him.
Cecil: OK, I call an end to grammar riffs.
Sally: Oh, thanks! That just about kills a quarter of our material!
Connor nuzzled JC's hand and purred, clinging on him as the four walked forward. Jared and Jeremy
continued to toss and tumble as JC made his way down the hall to the bridge. A sandy haired child
jogged up to the four.
Joey: Dougie Howser!
"Hello Mr. JC, how are y-oompf" Danny was knocked over as Jared pounced on him. He put his hands up
over his face, laughing as Jared licked him all over.
Sally: Run, Danny boy! Human beasts are vicious once they've tasted blood!
Joey (Shining twins): Come play with us, Danny! Forever and ever...
JC clicked his tongue a few times and Jared crawled back over to him, smiling softly at Danny.
"Hey, Danny, I'm on my way to see Else, where's your mom and dad?" JC asked.
Sally: Have I mentioned heteronormativity makes me sick?
Cecil: How we've progressed, world.
"Mom's in the cafeteria, and Dad's on the bridge. He told me to come and get you," Danny reported
before trotting off. "Can Jared play with me for awhile?"
"Sure," JC smiled, walking a little faster.
Usagi (JC): Wait for me, Joey, I wanna jump too!
JC stepped onto the bridge and was greeted with a serious of hellos.
Leela (JC): Oh, damn, it's Tax Day, isn't it?
He smiled and set Connor down on the floor, where he clung tightly to JC's side. Else was there with
a wide smile, Joey standing beside her with an equally broad grin.
James: Alright, who let Nuku Nuku on board?
"Seven hours," Else stated, ecstatic. JC's tired eyes managed to twinkle as he nodded.
Leela: Nice to see someone managed to smuggle his stash of coke aboard. (all snicker)
His head flipped to the side as Justin walked in, Marcus prancing at his side. Connor yipped
"Hey, there's daddy!" JC said to Connor as he ran to Justin, wrapping his arms around Justin's legs.
Justin smiled down, his blonde hair streaked gray, his skin showing signs of wrinkles, his blue eyes
having a slight fade to them.
Cecil: So, wait, Justin would be somewhat into his 30s here like he is in the real world, right?
Sally: Pretty much, yeah.
Cecil: And...does he look like that?
Sally: No, he looks better than ever, actually.
(Cecil slams his head on the armrest)
Something inside JC swelled and he felt tears coming to his eyes.
James (JC): Oh, no, that's just the gas...
Justin came up behind him, held him, wrapped a tender arm around his body. As JC glanced over, he
saw that Justin's face was wet as well, line upon line of salty rivers streaming down his face.
"Home," a voice behind them whispered.
Both heads turned to see Chris, that same cocky smile on his face, the smile that had survived
almost twelve years of torture.
Joey: The only audiobooks on board were the Pretty Little Liars series!
Usagi: (gasp) How cruel!
His gray hair swooped low over his brow, hiding the deep creases in his forehead.
Sally: And I betcha they were still in those goofy-ass cornrows.
"What does it look like?" Chris asked.
Cecil (Chris): Because I'm still blind, in case anyone's forgotten.
"It looks like the sun on a warm day," Lance stated, coming from behind him. "It looks like the soft
touch of my lips on yours. It looks like Cameron's gentle coos at night. It looks like home."
Leela (Chris): The genetic altering didn't give me synesthesia, Lance. You suck.
Chris smiled, his blind, foggy eyes squinting in a show of pure emotion.
James: He's so blind, he's making Helen Keller look invincible.
Lance hugged him tightly, crying into his shoulder. At their feet, Jeremy was serenading Cameron,
his eyes sweet as his voice poured lightly from his mouth in a quiet song.
Joey: Which still sounded like caterwauling dogs at 3 AM.
(Sally throws a shoe at the screen)
Her green eyes smiled to him as he circled her,
All (singing): When alien assbaby eyes are smiling...
Leela: You better run because they might jump out and devour you.
and the two crawled off to one corner of the bridge together. Connor remained clinging to his
father, while Danny held his mother's hand. Jared and Marcus sat together at their parents' feet,
eyes locked on the wide window, enticed by the large sphere out there.
As the planet came into view, so did the enemy ships. There were only three of them. It would be
easy to defeat.
Usagi: Whatever you say, Custer.
"All Kektons to battle stations, all Kektons to battle stations," Else said.
Joey (Else): Klingon boxing night on the bridge!
The enemy ships hovered in a wide orbit around Earth. The Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria would cross
paths with them in only a few minutes, and stations were to be readied. Chris' eyes made a conscious
effort to land on JC,
Leela: Oh no, I was *kidding!*
and his voice spoke quietly. The six aged men, withered, weakened, listened with child ears to the
"What will we do now, Jace?" Chris questioned. JC turned to face him, a sad, elated look on his
James (JC): I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...
He was at utter peace with himself.
All (singing): Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna...
"We will do what we have always done Chris," JC spoke.
Sally (JC): Be nothing more than dress-up dolls at the whim of crazy fangirls.
And with that, the battle began.
(James loudly imitates the Imperial March again)
Sally (stretches and looks over her shoulder): Oh hey, theatre doors are open. Looks like it's
another break before the big climax. Might as well make the best of it.
Joey: Uh, Sal-
Sally: I mean, we MIGHT get an actual drawn-out battle or it might be as short as the one in
"Tortured Echo" but hey, at least that's some kind of resolution.
Sally: I mean, it's not like this author was so engrossed in giving details so disgustingly mundane
it would've been more fun to chew my leg off she'd forget a few lousy concluding paragraphs-
Sally: What? (looks to where the others are pointing to see-)
James (sotto voce): Yep, she's gonna blow...
Sally: What the ever-loving FUCK?! (pops up from seat with cartoon steam coming from ears) Not even
a lousy EPILOGUE? All that buildup of sex smells and blindness and assbabies and the lousiest
call-a-rabbit-a-Smeerp worldbuilding since Star Trek season 2 for a cheapass CLIFFHANGER? I'M GONNA
KILL YOU, MALACHITE!...(ranting trails off as she stomps out of the theatre, and the others look to
Usagi: What now?
Cecil: We make some popcorn and start taking bets?
James: Sounds like a plan! (others dash out of the theatre)
AND THE MSTINGS CONTINUE...
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.