I rubbed my eyes once gain, trying I get then to feel less swollen and a little more awake. I
groaned and blinked a couple of times, before putting a small fake smile on my face and walking into
the restaurant where I knew all the guys—minus Brian that is—would be. I quickly scanned
all the tables in the small restaurant-bar and found where they were sitting, quickly walking over
to meet them. Johnny was the first one to spot me and greeted me cheerfully.
Zack!" He smiled happily, and I tried to smile back. I wondered if he remember what had gone on
last night, from his cheerful greeting I presumed not.
"Hey short shit." I replied,
managing a small smile, sitting down on the nearest chair as I said it. Johnny rolled his eyes and
laughed. I wanted to be angry with him—he played a part in my heartbreak almost as much as
Brian did—but to be honest, I know it's not Johnny's fault, he was blind drunk, and most
probably had no idea that it even happened. I guess Jimmy had come to the same conclusion because he
still had an arm around Johnny's shoulders and was leaning close to him. Jimmy smiled and said his
greeting, I could see in his eyes that he wanted to ask if I was okay, but didn't want to ask. And
anyway, Matt beat him to it.
"You alright man?" He said cheerfully, but concern
etched in his voice, punching my arm playfully.
"Yeah, thanks Matt. Me and Brian need to
talk though...I don't know what I should do." I said, running my hands trough my hair.
"To do about what? What happened?" Johnny asked from the otherside of the table.
It suddenly got very awkward at the table and no one spoke. Matt opened his mouth to reply but
thought better of it. Jimmy took a breath before speaking.
"When me and Zack come back
to the hotel room last night you and Bri were almost naked and about to shag eachother." Jimmy
stated, not looking Johnny in the eyes. Johnny looked wide eyed at him, his mouth hanging open
"What? No. I wouldn't! I don't remember?!" Johnny said quickly, looking
between me and Jim the whole time.
"You wouldn't. You were blind drunk, John. Passed
out not long after we come in the room." I added; my voice quiet but Johnny still heard.
"I'm so sorry Zacky.” he said, his eyes wide and staring into mine, sincerity in
his voice. “You know that I would never do that if—"
Johnny, I don't blame you." I reassured him, looking him in the eyes to show y sincerity.
"Brian said not to blame Jay himself...apparently you was still moaning my name."
Jimmy said, finally meeting Johnnys gaze and sending him a cheeky smile. I saw Johnny relax a little
when Jimmy met his gaze, knowing that he was forgiven. Johnny lightly kissed Jimmys lips, the taller
man then pulling him into a tight embrace. I looked away; it seemed a somewhat private moment for
I got lost in my thoughts again. I wanted to see Brian badly, just to know he
was okay. But then part of me never wanted to see him again. The two sides were battling against
each other, causing a headache to start forming in my brain. I didn't know what I should do. Forgive
him? I couldn't, not properly anyway. I just...don't know what to do. I groaned and rubbed my eyes
again, hoping it would help to clear my head.
"You alright Zee?" I heard Jimmy
ask, he still had an arm round Johnny and was leaning his head on the smaller mans shoulder.
"Yeah...I Just have no idea what to do about Brian." I said, frustrated.
"If it helps your decision at all, he looked pretty beat up about the whole thing last
night...He cried. Cried. That's got to be the first time I've ever seen him cry, Zack. He
does love you." Jimmy trailed off, and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I cleared my throat to
try and clear it, quickly telling them I needed to clear my head before walking out of the hotel. I
needed the fresh air, hoping that I would clear my mind a little. I walked for a while until I
spotted a bench just inside the entrance of a park. I walked through the gates of the park and
plonked myself down onto the bench. I rested my elbows on my knees and laid my head to my hands,
Where is he? I asked myself. We really needed to talk. I didn't know
if I could take him back after what he did, but we promised Matt that we wouldn't let this
relationship affect the band, and we wouldn't; we wouldn't change the we acted if we were around
fans. I groaned quietly and closed my eyes, trying not to think.
I was grateful for the
silence, it soothed the headache which had been drumming through my head since late last night. It
was almost silence here; there was distant sounds of traffic and the sound of footsteps closer by.
The footsteps sounded as if they were getting closer, and they stopped a few feet in front of me,
before someone cleared their throat. I grumbled to my self, thinking it'd be some stranger asking if
I was okay. I looked up to who I thought would be a stranger, and my eyes locked with a pair of
chocolate brown ones, reflecting all the pain that I felt. His eyeliner was streaked down his face
and his hair was all over the place, but he was still beautiful in my eyes. Tears began to glaze my
eyes as I thought of what he did with Johnny, but I wouldn't let then fall. Instead I tensed my jaw;
trying to hold back emotion.
"Brian." I said sharply as a way of
"Hey, Zee." he said, his voice quieter that usual; the tone making my
heart ache. When he realised I wasn't going to reply further he broke eye contact, looking at his
feet. He took a shaky breath before he slowly made his way over to the bench I was sitting on and
sat down himself; leaving a good foot of space in-between us. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him
open his mouth to speak, but no sound came out, and a second later he closed it again. We must have
sat in silence for a couple of minutes before either of us spoke again.
"I know sorry
won't even begin to cover what I did. But I am sorry, with all my heart. I hate myself for hurting
you, Zack. I would literally kill anyone who hurt you, I never thought I would be one to cause you
tears...We promised Matt that we wouldn't let...us...affect the band. I'll act as if nothing
happened when we're around the fans or onstage—because we have to—but offstage I
understand if you won't want to talk to me...I get that, I deserve that. I just want you to know
that I'm so sorry and I'll do anything and everything possible to make it up to you." By the
end of his speech with voice was shaking slightly and I saw the unshed tears in his eyes.
felt more tears also glaze my eyes, but I still vowed not to they them fall in front of him. I
wanted to ask him why. Why Johnny? But there was a lump in my throat preventing it. I
swallowed a couple of times before I managed to voice my question. There was silence again before he
started to answer.
"Truthfully, I'm not sure...we'd both had a lot to drink and...I
don't know. I know that's not a good enough reason.” He started and then paused, his voice a
lot quieter when he carried on. “Johnny's a lot rougher with sex, I suppose I was craving that
pain." He finished, his voice low, like a child in trouble with his parents. Wait...Johnny was
a lot 'rougher'? How the fuck would he know that if he hadn't shagged him before. Anger burned
trough me and I found my self standing up and yelling at him.
"How would you know
that Johnny was a lot rougher?! How many times had you fucked him behind my back?!" I yelled at
the guitarist, who has also stood up and was backing away from me.
"I haven't! Well, I
have slept with him before but it was before we were together, Zack, I swear!" He answered
quickly, stumbling on his words as he tried to quickly explain. I ignored his words, fresh tears
comic as I thought of Brian—my Brian—fucking Johnny behind my back. I'd
trusted him. I paced in front of the bench, ignoring Brian staring at me and tried to blink
away the tears of heartbreak and anger. But it failed and a couple of tears escaped my eyes, rolling
down my cheeks before I had a chance to brush them away.
"Zack?" Brian said;
concern in his voice as he touched my shoulder.
"Get of me." I hissed at him,
pulling my shoulder away from his touch. I tried to steady my shaky breathing, wiping away the tears
and crossing my arms across my chest.
"Zacky, please...I love you." The words him
me like punches, and I closed my eyes against fresh tears. I so badly wanted to tell him I loved him
too, tell him we'd work through this and go back to the way we was before. But I couldn't. I
couldn't forgive him this easily.
"If you did you wouldn't go around fucking other men
would you." I stated bluntly.
"No...Of course not. But I do love you. And I'm a
complete and utter twat for last night. I love you Zackary Baker. Always have done and always will
do. I get that you hate me after this...So, I'll stop bothering you now. I won't even talk to you
unless you want me too, and I'll stay out of your way as much as possible. I'm sorry, for
everything." He said, lightly sobbing by the end of it. I heart his footsteps retreating, and
before I had chance to stop myself I was yelling his name, stopping him in his tracks.
turned and looked at me, pain evident in his features. I couldn't stop myself any further and I
closed the gap in-between us, throwing my arms around his shoulders and tightly locking him in an
embrace, burying my head in his shoulder. He quickly put his arms around me, pulling me closer still
to him, both of us gripping onto each other as if our lives depended of it.
sorry Zacky." He whispered shakily into my ear, running one hand through my hair.
"I know, Bri." I said, relaxing into his touch "You ever even think of
touching another man again and I'll tear your balls of and force feed them to you." I said
steadily, only half joking. I heard him laugh nervously.
"I'll never even look at any
man ever again if that's what it takes for you to forgive me. You're everything to me Zack. And I
hate myself for ever hurting you." He said sadly. I pulled away slightly from out tight
embrace, putting my hands on either side of his face before kissing him slowly. We both melted into
the kiss and I heard Brian moan lightly. Our tender kiss quickly become more heated, our tongues
fighting and both of us entwining our fingers in the others hair to try and pull each other closer.
Brian pulled out of the kiss first and I leant away from him, quickly bringing my knee up, making
contact with a *ahem* painful area.
Brian fell to his knees, hunched over, holding
his crotch, whilst I stood there with a slight smirk on my face. He looked up to meet my gaze.
"What the fuck Zacky?!" he said, almost shouting.
"You ever touch another man
I'll hurt you ten times worse than that." I said matter of factly. Through the pain, the
corners of his lips twitched as he struggled no to smile....
About half an hour later we
walked hand in hand through the entrance of the hotel. I saw the guys still at the table they was at
when I left and went to make my way towards them, my hand was pulled back when Brian didn't walk
"What's up, Gates?"
He took a shaky breath before replying.
"Jimmys gonna hate me, ain't he?" He mumbled; sadness in his eyes.
and Jim have been friends for a long time. You guys will be friends forever, trust me. Jimmy's the
forgiving type." I assured him, knowing that if Jimmy thought you were truly sorry, then he
would have no problem with forgiving you. I didn't have time to convince him further `cause Matt and
Jimmy had spotted us and were calling us over to the table. Brian gave me a nervous grin before I
basically dragged him over to the table. An awkward silence came across the band as we sat at the
table, no one quite knowing what the right thing was to say.
"You ever lay a suggestive
hand on my Johnny again and I'll rip that hand off." Jimmy said, glaring a Bri, who seemed
scared under Jimmys glare. "Unless it is an orgy that I have been invited too. For that I might
make an exception." Jimmy finished. His tone still serious but humour in his eyes, letting
Brian know that he was forgiven. Mostly.
"Sorry, man." Brian said,
sincerity in his voice.
"You should be. Molesting my poor drunken boyfriend."
Jimmy said; a slight smile on his lips before he leaned in his chair to hug Brian. I smiled at the
pair, knowing that there wasn't much that could affect their friendship.
"Well I'm glad
that's sorted." Matt said, clapping his hands together and smiling. "I thought all out war
was gonna break out between you guys." he said, chuckling.
"Don't worry man.
Learnt my lesson; been threatened that if I touch another man my balls will be ripped off and then
shoved down my throat." Brian said; amusement in his voice. Matt laughed and Jimmy hi-fived me
for the threat.
"And don't you doubt for one minute that I'm joking, Gates." I
warned, and he held his hands up in surrender.
"Ahem! Do I not get an apology for being
molested? It was basically rape." Johnny said, pretending to be angry.
wasn't molesting if you were willing, and it wasn't rape cause we didn't actually shag you
fucker.” Bri replied, laughing at Johnny. “And anyway, I bet you didn't even remember
"Guilty as charged." Johnny said sheepishly, smiling.
"But I am sorry, Jay, I coulda fucked every thing up with you and Jim." he said
"Hey!" Jimmy said, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "All's been
forgiven and we're moving on. Pretend last night never happened for any of us." we all voiced
our agreements. "Now Brian should get his arse upstairs to get cleaned up cause you look like
shit and smell just as bad." Jimmy said, causing us all to laugh.
Jimmy." He said sarcastically; smiling. He meant it much more than a sarcastic comment though;
he meant thank you for the second chance, and Jimmy knew that as he nodded his 'it's okay' to Brian
as he left. I sighed, happy that it was all back to—almost—normal. I wouldn't forget
what Bri had done, but at least our relationship was repairable....