Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco
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It's dark and still. Through the branches of the overhead tree Ryan can see the night sky and
some of the stars that are splattered across it. Out here, several miles outside of the city, it's
silent and he can hear a cricket chirping faintly somewhere. The air is warm and there's a cool
breeze that blows by every few minutes.
Beside him is the boy that he loves, that he's loved for a very long time. They're both in
hoodies, lying on their backs, looking up at the sky, side by side. They've been best friends for a
very long time too.
He has a very important question to ask of the boy beside him but he's not ready to present it
yet, for now he wants to sit and stare at the stars.
They're lying on a grassy overhang that you can still see the lights of Las Vegas from. There
are trees that line the whole slope and they're lying where the trees have started to thin out and
they only have a few right above their heads.
“Ryan?” the boy beside him asks.
“Brendon?” he responds, looking through his peripheral vision to see the boy with
his head turned to look at him.
“Do you remember how we got here?” he asks.
Ryan knows exactly what he means and he's taken back in time to what Brendon is talking about.
Of course he remembers how they got here, to this point in time.
“I remember all of those times when we would just start laughing because we were trying
to keep from going insane, we were trying to forget about those things that made us insane,”
he says, turning his head to look into Brendon's eyes. They're reflecting the sky and some of the
stars, making the dark brown in his eyes disappear.
“I always felt invincible whenever we did that, like I couldn't be touched, not as long
as we were facing everything together,” Brendon agrees, staring back.
Ryan felt like screaming but instead he was laughing, and his best friend was beside him,
laughing as well. Nothing had happened, they weren't really laughing at anything, they were really
just exaggerating the hilarity of something one of them said. But this was much better than
screaming and crying and succumbing to his life.
Thinking about it always pushed him to the brink, that was when he always started laughing and
Brendon would always join in because Brendon knew what he was doing and would do the same thing that
Ryan was doing with Ryan laughing along.
Doing that always helped them to forget for a while and though it wasn't usually long, it was
It was always late at night when they did this and they would stand up on the couch, as if they
were drunk even though they weren't, throw their arms around each other's shoulders, and keep
laughing. They were there to face life with each other and they would never let the other one
stumble or fall, literally and metaphorically.
He stood under his best friend's arm and he laughed, pushing all of the pain away.
“We would just sit on the couch together and talk all night long, we never checked the
time once. And we always had the TV on but we had it on mute and we didn't have any other lights
on,” Brendon says.
“That's probably what kept me here on Earth,” Ryan answers, glancing back up at the
heavens with the twinkling lights.
The room was dark and Ryan's dad was asleep, thinking that they were asleep; nothing could be
further from the truth though.
They had the TV on and it was casting its bluish white light over the floor directly in front
of it and the brown couch where they were sitting. The TV wasn't making any noise though; they'd
turned the volume way down so it was muted.
Instead of watching the moving images on the screen, they were looking at each other, talking.
Well Brendon was talking, telling Ryan why he'd come over and why he felt like dying tonight.
“They probably don't even know that I'm gone, it wouldn't be the first time. They've left
me in restaurants and rest stops so many times I've lost count. I don't think they even remember
that I exist sometimes. They're probably hoping that they can get far enough away that they don't
have to come back,” Brendon said with tears in his voice.
“They'd probably be happier without me; that's what they're trying to do, subtly get rid
of me. I bet they've been counting down the days until I'm eighteen for years now, waiting until the
day I'll finally be gone,” he said, with one of the tears breaking and snaking down his cheek.
He was looking at Ryan with wide, helpless brown eyes that were so sad Ryan almost wanted to
“They don't deserve to have you if they want to get rid of you so badly,” Ryan
comforted, knowing that Brendon probably wasn't going to buy it so soon. He was surprised that
someone as perfect as Brendon could possibly fall apart like this.
“Or maybe they're right, I'm not worth remembering or having around,” the boy
across from him said miserably, looking down.
“If you're not worth that then why am I here? And if you're not worth having around why
did I welcome you into my house? Bren, it doesn't matter what they think, you have me, the important
thing is that I think you're worth everything,” Ryan said, pulling Brendon's chin up so
they were looking at each other.
Brendon's lip trembled and he fell into Ryan's arms, clutching him tightly around the
Ryan merely closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Brendon's waist, and let him cry into his
shoulder. Out the window he could see the faint hints of the sun rising.
“And remember the mindless nighttime drives we took? In those times when we were so damn
confused and we just drove as long and far as it took to forget our lives?” Ryan asks.
“We were past the point of laughing and we didn't know if we should try that or just give
in to the tears, I could never forget those drives. And we always vowed to stand together
forever,” Brendon answered, smiling a little bit, obviously remembering every single one of
the many drives.
He looks over at the boy beside him with his full lips and his pale skin that's shining white
in the starlight. He's looking up at the sky and Ryan can once again see his dark brown irises and
the few pinpricks of light that are reflected there.
It was late, the sun had just set and he had tears running down his cheeks. He opened his phone
and pressed the first speed-dial button that he had. It was number two since the phone had the
voicemail programmed as number one. But this person would be the number one if that was an option.
The ring back tone barely registered. It was only the voice of the person that he wanted more
than anything else that brought him back out of his own mind with a simple word.
The sound of his name coming out of his mouth made him choke out another sob.
“Come pick me up, Brendon please,” he pleaded into the phone.
He heard the sound of a car door slamming and Brendon's voice returned. “I'm already on
my way. I'll be there in a minute or two.”
Ryan closed his phone and pushed it into his pocket. He sat down on the curb and wrapped his
arms around his legs as if that would help hold the tears in.
True to his word, exactly ninety-seven seconds later, Brendon had pulled up and had leaned over
to open the passenger door. “Come on, Ry, I've got you,” he said consolingly.
Gladly Ryan crawled through the open door and into Brendon's waiting arms. He didn't question
how Brendon had known where to find him because he was blocks away from the house; he just crumpled
into his strong arms and let him hold his body close.
It was a few minutes later when he pulled away and his tears were drying a little. He was
confused, and he recognized why, it was one of those moments where he didn't know if he should keep
crying or start with the laughing therapy that they'd both adopted.
“Brendon? Can we just drive?” he asked, looking at the boy beside him.
“Where?” Brendon asked, looking over at him.
“Anywhere else. We can figure it out somewhere along the way. Let's just drive until we
forget about all of this,” Ryan said.
“Okay,” was Brendon's answer as he shifted into drive and they left the city limits
ten minutes later. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked when they were five miles
outside of the city.
“Maybe,” he wasn't ready to feel better yet.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“What is there to talk about? He went out, got so drunk he forgot who I am, then he came
home and beat me while yelling at me to get out of his house, except that he actually prevented me
from leaving by pinning me to the wall,” he said in a monotone, wanting to wallow in the
misery for a little while longer.
Brendon didn't reply and Ryan didn't expect him to. What was he supposed to say? Sorry? He had
nothing to do with it and there was nothing that he could do about it, no matter how much he wished
there was, and Brendon knew it. But, Brendon did reach out and take his hand, holding it tight.
Once they were about twenty five miles outside of Las Vegas Ryan was starting to let the fact
of his life drift away and was instead focusing on the wind coming from his open window that was
blowing his hair around his face.
They drove for hours, getting farther away, eventually they were in California and they pulled
into a hotel and split the money for a room for the night.
“And when one of us wanted to stay away from a fight and we would go to the other's house
and we would just listen to the radio and sing and talk and lose track of everything,” Brendon
says, shifting onto his stomach and looking over at Ryan.
“Those things got me through some of the hardest nights of my life,” Ryan remembers
rolling onto his side to look back at Brendon.
Ryan doesn't see anything but peace and a hint of pain in Brendon's eyes and something that he
can't quite place, maybe nervousness?
There was a knock on the backdoor that was in the basement and Ryan got up to open it. He had
a good idea of who it was, probably the only person who ever used that door.
When he opened the door fully he found that he was right. Brendon was standing outside looking
in at him. “Can I please come in and stay the night?” he asked.
“Of course,” Ryan answered stepping aside to let his friend in.
Brendon walked through the door and sank onto the couch. It was about nine-o-clock and Ryan's
dad was gone for the night, staying at the office because of some late meeting.
“What happened?” Ryan asked, sitting down beside Brendon.
It was silent for a moment before Brendon sighed shakily. “I got in the door, just home
from school and everything kind of went down from there. My mom yelled at me for not doing anything.
My dad yelled at me for getting in the way. My oldest sister is in town for a few days and she
yelled at me to let her enjoy her time at home. My brothers freaked out on me for moving their stuff
in the garage because I couldn't back out. I just got sick of it, it never seems to end, there's
always something to yell at me for. I've always done something wrong somehow and I just can't handle
it anymore,” he said sounding mad and hopeless.
He knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better so he simply reached out and put
his hand on Brendon's arm to let him know that he was there and that he was happy with him.
Brendon stood up and moved to the entertainment center where a speaker system was set up. He
pressed a button and switched the mode to `radio' and went back to the couch.
They sat on the couch and listened to the radio with the lights off. Neither of them fell
asleep, but they didn't talk much either. They sat close with their sides pressed together and just
listened and sang quietly.
The two of them sat their vigil all night until the sun was shining pink and orange and yellow
on the horizon.
Brendon turned to him and said, “You probably saved my life.”
“And you mine,” he answered and they went back to listening to the radio.
“You know, the fact that you were always there for me was probably the only thing that
kept me from doing something drastic and possibly stupid. You were always the one thing standing
between me and that something else,” Ryan says, watching Brendon's face carefully.
Brendon nods. “I feel the same way. I guess that's the thing with pain, it brings people
together, pain and darkness.”
“Yes, darkness; by day we look perfect and fine but once the sun sets we fall to pieces.
And we always have each other to trust with the pieces,” Ryan says. The question is beginning
to burn at his mind and he knows that it's almost time for him to ask it.
“Those nights were the best of my life despite the things that brought them on,”
Ryan nods this time. “And we have them in our memories. Those nights are ours
Brendon; we get to have them forever.”
“And we can look back and remember that there's nothing wrong with us, we just grew up in
less than ideal circumstances. I sort of wish that every one of them lasted forever, every night we
have, that's the only time when good things happen to us.”
Ryan thinks about that and realizes that Brendon's right. Nothing good has ever come for him
from the daylight. He reaches out and takes Brendon's hand, lacing their fingers together.
Brendon responds by inching closer.
They look at each other and smile, leaning together to kiss.
This is why he loves Brendon so much. Brendon is always there whenever he needs him and knows
what he needs. And Brendon is the only person who can make his stomach jump and make him instantly
happier by his presence. Brendon is everything he wants to be and is everything that he has.
Brendon moves to his side and puts a hand around Ryan's back to pull them closer together.
Now it's time, Ryan knows it. Now he's supposed to ask his question.
“I have a question for you,” he says, but at the same time that Brendon says the
same exact thing.
“You can go first,” Ryan offers, thinking that his question should probably wait.
“How about we go together? On three,” Brendon suggests.
Ryan likes the idea and nods.
“One,” they both say, Ryan removes his hand from Brendon's cheek and Brendon moves
his arm from around his waist.
“Two,” this is said in unison as well. Ryan dips his hand into his pocket, as does
Brendon. He frowns in confusion, wondering what Brendon's doing.
“Three,” they say, both whipping their hands out of their pockets.
“Will you spend the rest of your life with me?” they ask in unison, both holding
gold rings in the tips of their fingers.
Ryan feels his own eyes widen and excitement rise and sees Brendon's body having the same
reaction. A smile breaks out on Brendon's face and then on his as well.
He takes the ring that Brendon is holding and gives Brendon the one that he has. Experimentally
he slides it onto his left hand. It fits perfectly. He holds out his hand to look at it from a
It's a simple gold band with silver right on the rim on both sides. It's quite beautiful and he
can tell that it wasn't cheap.
He looks up to see Brendon's full reaction.
He has the ring on his finger finally and is staring at it like he can't quite believe that
Ryan smiles, “I was planning on getting engaged tonight but I wasn't expecting to be
proposed to. And you haven't answered my question: Will you spend the rest of your life with
“Why would I ask if I didn't want to?” Brendon answers, finally looking up from the
ring and into Ryan's eyes.
The ring that Ryan picked out isn't anything special. It's a gold band and on the inside he had
engraved: `I'll give you my life since you saved it'. It's a small font so that it could all fit but
it's still readable.
“Will you spend the rest of yours with me?” Brendon asks.
“I can't imagine why not,” Ryan answers.
The two of them are young, eighteen and just graduated from highschool, neither of their
families will like it and they'll have some rough nights ahead. Ryan just smiles at the thought and
wraps Brendon into his arms, resting his head on top of the other boy's while the boy buries his
head in Ryan's chest.
They know how to get through the night.
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.