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Ersats
By ladyofangst

 



Ersatz

Psychologists believe that the only place where one can be entirely safe
is in one's own mind. But what happens when your mind is contaminated by thoughts? Thoughts of the
one thing all human beings yearn for, yet the one thing they fear the most: perfection.
I can prove this. It is like finding an eggshell in your garden -a perfect, oval, smooth eggshell.
Usually you pick up the eggshell, thinking it might still contain an unhatched chick. But usually,
you are disappointed in finding that it had already hatched and all that is left now is half of this
beautiful eggshell hollow, but still perfectly rounded and delicate. Inevitably, you clench your
fist and turn this innocent shell into an irreparable jigsaw in your fist. This is called human
nature.
I turned the key in the ignition, and pressed down lightly on the gas pedal. The car crept
forward at 5 km/h.
I found my eggshell, on a Monday morning, in Art class. He glanced at me, eyes riddled with
amusement. I could practically see the questions engraved on his forehead by his frown. I couldn't
blame him- I had been gawking at him the entire time since the class began about an hour ago. And I
still hadn't grown tired. He flashed a nervous smile at me, but as I gave him no response, he leaned
back over his sketchbook with his hand on the back of his neck.
Even then I didn't break my stare. I clutched my pencil in my hand and continued to aimlessly draw a
perfect circle on my otherwise blank page. Over and over again- drinking in his image until I knew
it would leave indent marks on all the other pages of my diary. From his long, slender fingers
cradling his pencil to his golden-green eyes that kept involuntarily flicking to my own. I made a
mental effort to compose my features into a more friendly expression, yet he didn't look less
nervous. He raked his fingers through his dark hair and gave me an evident questioning look.
Instinctively, I flashed him a wide grin and, to my surprise, he relaxed noticeably. He was
beautiful.
``Frank,'' somebody yanked me out of my daydream. I noticed that the most of the other students had
already packed up as this session of class was clearly over. He, on the other hand was still sitting
there, giving me an engrossed look. Finally, after an indeterminate amount of time, he sighed and
stood up. I gulped as he walked over to where I was sitting, gripping the side of my table like a
lifeline. He stopped directly in front of me. I looked up in trepidation. But to my delight, he gave
me an inviting smile and offered me his hand.
I nudged with my foot and the speed increased to 10 km/h.
I sat in church, staring at my hands as they clenched and relaxed- my nails leaving little red
crescent marks on my palm. The sins of this flesh were pressing down upon my shoulders, much like
the heavy marble canopy above my head pushed down upon the great ornate pillars. Choirs of
redemption kept singing in my head as my own demons kept defending my treacherous heart.
``The lilac sky was ablaze with fire
My hand that sought,
Around your throat
With a black blade of desire''
I knew right from the start that it would come to this, but God made the devil so much stronger
than a man. This wasn't my fault- but it was mine to rectify.
The car sped up to 15km/hour. I felt a jolt and then the sound of my burden dragging across the
tar surface. Tears burned my eyes but I kept pressing down upon the pedal. 20-, 30-, 40-, 50-, 100
km/. I stomped the brake abruptly. The car skidded to a halt next to a riverfront, and I got out.

Slowly, painfully slowly, I edged my way around the car to inspect my handiwork.
The kidnapping had been the easy part. I even managed to tie him to the rear end of the car without
much struggle. But now, now the hardest part was walking away.
His empty golden-green eyes I saw first. His raven hair was caked in blood around his head as the
back of his head was shaven off by the coarse surface of the road. The rope that looped down from
the car that encircled his slim waist had deeply cut into his skin. The sharp bones from his elbows
stuck through the flesh on both sides and the tips of his fingers were frayed and trailed behind his
corpse. What was left of him was bereft of skin ,leaving a moist red trail down the road we
travelled.
With some difficulty I tore my eyes from him. I gripped the side of the car for balance and let out
a jagged sigh as my heart rippled in my chest-I took a few deep breaths and collected my
thoughts.
I strolled down to the water and stuck my hands into the cool water. Liking the sensation, I
splashed the water up to my elbows. Then, I stood up and, without looking back, began making my way
back to town along the edge of the river, smiling as the lapping waves vanquished my footsteps.
END






















 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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