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The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

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The Fear in Honesty
By Deathbat_86

 

Chapter 14
Big Bear was awesome. It was a beautiful cabin. Claire had a picture in her head of some ramshackle
old log hut in the middle of the forest with bare floors, tacky stuffed animals all over the place
and overrun with bugs that she'd scream at but it wasn't like that at all. In fact it was pretty
swanky. She spent the first hour touring the place, finding out where everything was and mapping out
the house in her head so she didn't get lost in the middle of the night while searching for the
bathroom. Then she unpacked the clothes she had brought. Matt wasn't bothered. He'd thrown his bag
on the floor and it hadn't budged since. He was used to living out of suitcases so crumpled jeans
weren't an issue to him. Once she'd finished touring the house, setting everything out neatly,
checking out the kitchen and looking out of all the windows she made her way back to the living room
where Matt was waiting with a sweet smile. "You like it?" he asked. She nodded. "It's gorgeous up
here. It's so quiet" she said quietly. He laughed and nodded. "I know. That's why we come up here to
write. No one to bother us....but we're loud as hell while we're here so...you don't have to
whisper" he smiled. She grinned and scratched her head bashfully. "Sorry. Guess I'm just a little
thrown by it all" she shrugged. He raised an eyebrow. "Thrown by all what?" he asked. She sighed as
she plopped herself down next to him. "Today...in general. I mean...it's been a crazy fucking day.
We fought then we...." she paused. "Fucked?" He offered with a smirk. She rolled her eyes and
smiled. "Fucked. Then we talked a little then we just decided on a whim to fuck off to a cabin in
the middle of nowhere without telling anyone. Now here we are. Not fighting or fucking or talking or
anything. I guess I just feel a little....lost" she muttered. "I don't really know what to do with
myself. I've never had you all to myself miles away from all our friends before. It's a little
weird" she shrugged. He sighed and nodded. "Yeah I see what you mean. I guess this has been kind of
a strange day. But the reason I asked you up here is so that we can figure that stuff out. I don't
know how to be around you when it's just the two of us. I don't know if we'll drive each other crazy
after a few days or whether we'll fit and it'll just be comfortable. But I want to find out. I think
we NEED to find out if we can take each other one on one if we're seriously going to talk about
what's going on between us." he said softly. She nodded with a sigh. "But is there any point us
finding out at all? You're have a girlfriend" she mumbled. He frowned and nodded. "Yeah....but if I
was even a little bit sure that she was the one I wanted to be with, do you think I'd be here with
you right now? Ali is.....oh god, you're going to hate me for saying this" he muttered. Claire
raised an eyebrow. "What?" she whispered. Matt sighed again and studied her eyes. "Don't be mad at
me until I'm done alright. She's.....I got with her because I was freaking out. I'd met her before
what happened with us the first time but she was pretty much just a booty call. A one night thing.
But she kept calling and asking to meet up again and I kept putting it off. Then that night happened
at the bar and I knew before I'd even first kissed you that I didn't want to be with Alicia
but....then we fooled around and I totally freaked out and instead of doing the right thing which
would have been to tell her to stop calling, I asked her to come over instead. I was so sure that
what I'd done with you was just a mishap. Just a drunken mistake. I thought you'd regret it or want
to forget about it so.....I said that's what I wanted before I even let you try to speak. I couldn't
handle hearing it from you and I was SO sure it's what you were going to say. So....." he paused and
sighed again, rubbing his face with his hands while he shook his head, "...so I asked her out. It
wasn't something I did to hurt you and I really hope you can believe me on that but.....I didn't
want to think about you. I didn't want to seem like it was a big deal to me. But I pussied out of
telling you and then when you met her that night.....God I wanted to tell you then. I wanted so
badly to tell you that she didn't mean anything to me. But you were so mad at me and then Zack ran
after you and I thought......you were starting to feel something for him so I kept her around to
make you jealous. It was a dumbass thing to do and I know you must think I'm the biggest jerk
but....I just....freaked out" he said with a weak sigh. Claire blinked stupidly at him a few times.
She had been expecting an "Alicia won't know" or something along those lines, not for him to pour
his fucking heart out. She was stunned. "So....you did all that....to make me jealous?" she
muttered. He peeked up at her and nodded. "Yeah. And I thought I was making you jealous at first.
Then I finally realised that it wasn't YOU who was jealous, it was me." he shrugged. Claire frowned.
"YOU were jealous? Of WHAT?" she asked. "Zack" he sighed. "You guys got so close after I screwed up.
You'd get this smile on your face when he hugged you. This kind of wonky, lazy smile with only one
side of your mouth and I hated him for it. That was MY smile. And he was the one getting it
and....god I went crazy. The closer you got to Zack, the more I wanted to hurt you. Because EVERY
TIME he held you when you looked sad or kissed your forehead or moved your hair out of your eyes it
hurt me. I wanted to kill him. And I know I have no right to even say that. Zack is my best friend
and I love him to death and he was being a decent guy. Looking after you when I was being such a
dick. But....I didn't want him anywhere near you. And the more I tried to make you jealous of
Alicia, the closer you got to him until I was SURE you guys were a thing. That's why I blew up this
morning. I left you in your room last night, woke up this morning, came to your room to see if you
were awake and if you wanted a coffee or something and your room was empty. I checked downstairs
first but I knew you were in with him and I just couldn't stand it. I was sure that something had
happened. I was so fucking sure of it" he said, shaking his head. Claire sighed and rested her
forehead against his shoulder. He was all tensed up as he talked about it. His hands linked across
his knees, his knuckles white from the grip he had. "Nothing ever happened with me and Zack" she
said softly. "Nothing ever would Matt. He's a great guy and he deserves to be with someone who will
fucking adore him whole heartedly.....but that's not me. I love Zack more than I can say but....not
in that way. I couldn't. I'm too fucking crazy about you to even think of another guy like that. I
always have been" she whispered. He smiled and stroked the back of her neck with his fingertips.
"So....I guess I've been pretty fucking stupid huh?" he laughed. Claire chuckled slightly and
nodded. "A little bit. But it doesn't matter now. What matters now is...where do we go from here?"
she asked. He sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I know I want to be with you. I know you're the
only girl in my life I give a damn about but......there's SO much to lose. If we hook up.....and it
goes wrong...." he muttered. Claire frowned. "Why would it go wrong?" she asked. He shrugged. "Have
you ever been in a relationship where it didn't?" he asked. Well obviously she hadn't because she'd
still be with the person if she had. She finally realised where he was coming from. "Oh....I see.
You think....we'll break up and...." she paused so he carried on for her. "And then we're fucked.
Say we're together for years. Say we move in together and start a life together and everything goes
great. Say we're the happiest we've ever been." he paused, "Then say we wake up one morning and
everything's changed. What if you decide I'm not what you want anymore. Or what if we get to a place
where it's just not working out? What then? I want to be with you, I really do but....I don't know
if I can take that risk. Not with you. A part of me thinks its just safer to keep it simple. That
way, it will hurt every fucking day but.....I won't have to run the risk of waking up one day
knowing you're gone and you're not coming back. That's why I freaked out. That's why I keep fucking
up. I'm so scared of something going wrong. Cause right now, I know I can keep making the little
mistakes and you'll get over it. You'll still be around. But if we do that.....if we get THAT far,
go through all that shit together, feel that way about each other.....then it all fucks
up.......there's no coming back from that. We can't just brush that under the carpet and go back to
being friends again. And I don't want to lose you." he admitted. It was the first time he'd said how
he really felt out loud and it did feel good in a way to verbalise what had been tormenting him for
so long but it also made him twice as scared to hear it out loud. Claire sighed and pulled his hands
apart, lacing her fingers in his and stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. "But it isn't
forced to go wrong. Somewhere, at some point, someone HAS to take that risk otherwise everyone in
the world would be alone. Yeah there is a possibility that we might not make it....but Matt, did you
ever think about that possibility that maybe we will?" she asked softly. He looked at her and
frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked. She smiled and brushed the backs of her fingers over his
cheek. "I mean....what if we take this chance....and we DON'T fall apart. What if we work. In every
possible fucking way that two people CAN work. What if we stay together....for good." she smiled. He
frowned even more. "You think that could happen?" he asked. She shrugged. "Why not? It happens to
people all the time. It's not that unlikely when you think about it. Look at your mom and dad. How
long have they been together?" She asked. Matt smiled and shook his head. "Forever." he said with a
laugh. Claire nodded. "And they still love each other right? They're still happy together. At some
point in their past, they were EXACTLY at the point we are now. They had to choose whether to risk
it or not. And look where they are now because they did. I'm not saying we'll be perfect. I'm not
even saying it'll last forever but...wouldn't you rather take that chance?" she asked. He looked
thoughtful. He looked like it had never occurred to him that it wasn't some giant miracle that some
people did stay together. Then he turned and looked at her. He didn't say anything for a while, he
just studied her. The colour of her eyes, the way her hair fell clumsily around her shoulders. The
freckles across her nose. He smiled and nodded. "You know what.....I think it is worth it. I
think....to be with you.....it's worth any risk" he grinned. She frowned for a second. "HUH?" she
barked, clearly surprised. He laughed and rolled his eyes. "God, you lay on this whole profound
speech about taking chances then when I tell you I want to risk it you go all stupid. Do you need me
to spell it out? I. WANT. TO. BE. WITH. YOU" he said slowly and louder than he needed to. "ARE YOU
LYING?" she squeaked. He shook his head and laughed. "Nah. I wanna give us a shot." he said. She
stayed perfectly still for a minute then dived on him and started squealing with laughter. "I SWEAR
TO GOD I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WERE GUNNA SAY THAT" she yelped. He hugged her tight and grinned.
"Honestly....me either. But....." he pulled out of the hug and studied her eyes. "...I guess you're
worth it. I don't want to wake up in 50 years and wonder what might have been. I want to be with
you. Properly. No more fucking up. No more stupid mistakes. Just me and you" he smiled. She looked
close to tears but at the same time he'd never seen her smile so wide. "We're really doing this?"
she whispered. He nodded. "We're doin it" he grinned before pulling her into a kiss.

 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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