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Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Avenged Sevenfold

The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

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A perfect chapter laid to rest.
By Josie J.

 

Drip
...
Drop
...
Drip
...
Drop

I let out a long sigh, and traced the inside of the window with my finger, following one little lonely raindrop on its slow way down to get mixed up with all the others. I wiped away the single tear that fell down my face, almost following the same path as the raindrop.

This was it. Nothing more, and nothing less. An endless fucking inferno that kept interrupting my usually quiet and relatively collected mind, nothing could ever be the same again. My best friend wasn't with me anymore. He wasn't with us anymore.

This was the first time in three weeks that I was alone. My wonderful, beautiful soon to be wife had errands to run all day, yet she had insisted that she could stay home if I wanted her to, but all I could think about was not thinking. Not wanting to do anything at all. The evening before, all of the guys including myself, had realised that moping around wouldn't do us any good. That was at least what we tried to convince ourselves of when we stumbled out of Matt and Val's house to actually spend some time at home, to go back to our everyday life and get a normal routine to our days once again.
Easier said than done.

With that said, I had almost been forced to push Michelle out of the house, trying my hardest to convince her that everything was alright. That I would be alright. I tried, with all my might, not to pull her further down in my own personal hell, yet I knew, no matter how hard i tried not to be weak infront of her, she felt what I felt. But most of all - I had eyes to see with. Unfortunetly.
He was her friend too. She had her own tornado of feelings, swirling around in her chest. Full of emotions. Despite that, she did everything for me. She respected my grief, and somehow put her own sorrow aside, to help me deal with mine. God, how I love that woman, I just wish I wouldn't be so fucking egoistic, but right now, my heart couldn't give her the appreciation that she deserved. All it had been doing the last three weeks is pumping the blood through my veins, and boring a hole in my fucking chest.

I was startled with the buzzing sound of my phone, still hoping to see a different name on the screen. To my disapointment, it was the wrong name that lit up the little gray piece of vibrating junk in my hand. I couldn't get myself to press the green button and being forced to talk to someone,trying to act all normal, desperately trying to hold my shit together, when all I currently could feel was... emptiness.

Smack.

And possible a little bit of anger. I laughed bitterly at my own behaviour as I looked at the -now shattered - phone that were lying in several pieces, scattered across the floor.

I reached over to the coffe table and picked up a notepad and a pen before I pulled one of the blankets over me as I curled further up in the corner of the sofa in my dimly lit livingroom. It was still light outside, but the darkblue sky seemed like it missed Jimmy too. It had been letting its own tears flow in a steady stream on and off the last couple of weeks.
I realised it was because of the season, but somehow it seemed both depressing as hell, and at the same time like some sort of comfort, being able to believe that the sorrow wasn't just bothering Jimmy's closest friends, but everything around him, including the freakin' weather.

'Get yourself together for fuck sake Brian, this is not what Jimmy would have wanted.' I thought to myself. 'Quite the rockstar attitude you've got going for yourself there. Curled up in a sofa, tracing raindrops with your finger and crying like a little girl, how very manly of you.'

Jimmy on the other hand, never feared for anything. He always lived after the motto that whatever happens, happens for a reason. Even if he had had his own piece of hell through out the years, he always managed to see beyond all of those things, and just live his life as if there were no tomorrow, endlessly.

I sighed, for what seemed to be the millionth time today, and looked down on the notepad lying on my knee, reading the words that I had absentmindedly scribbled down, in a sad attempt to get my own emotions out in the open, without having to waste yet another box of Michelle's cleenex and desperately trying to get that stinging sensation away from my constantly puffy eyes.

'How do people do this? How do they live without the one's they love?' I wondered, before I got up from the sofa and headed to the bathroom. Whatever my intentions was with this self pity thing I've got going on, it didn't work out the way I had planned, cause I had, what seemed to be an endless supply of tears.

I turned on the water, letting it pour for a minute to get the icecold temperature I was looking for, before I bent down and splashed it in my face, I rubbed a towel almost violently over my face, and then throwing it in the sink.
Suddenly i noticed my reflection in the mirror, I mean not only noticed, but actually took my time to stare at the person that was staring back at me with an empty expression on its features, and blank eyes, mirroring nothing else but pain. Deep, pure fucking pain.
It was then it dawned on me that I looked like complete and utterly like crap. The guys and I had done nothing else this past time than contemplating over life, and welter in misery. Would the band survive this? Would WE survive this? How the fuck can you get on with life, when one of the things that actually is your life, has been taken away from you without any warning at all?

I shuffled back to the livingroom, cursing like a bandit when I hit my toe on the threshold, and I seriously started to consider to open up that bottle of Jack that stood on top of the fireplace. Next to...
...a photo of Jimmy. I went over and picked down the frame and the bottle and went back to my little safe spot in the sofa, and once again I curled up under the blanket. I stared down at the picture of my best friend, his smile wide, and his eyes so full of life.
It was taken last summer, when we had a couple of days off and had spent most of our time at the beach. I would never forget that day, because Jimmy had scared Zacky shitless when he had lured him into thinking that he had a shark after him while he was a bit further out, paddling out on his surfboard. That specific place and time will always have a place in my mind.

"I have so much to say but you're so far away" I mumbled to the frame.
"I don't think I could ever get used to the fact that you are no longer here buddy, we had so many plans for the future, ya know? Seemed like we we're invincible to everything." I kept on talking, feeling somewhat at ease with the fact of not just speaking with the guys about it, but being able to actually take my time and speak to Jimmy, no matter how pathetic it actually made me feel, to sit around and talk out into thin air. But in some twisted way, it seemed like I wasn't alone.
'The truth is so cold.'

I put the picture beside me and continued to scribble down sentences, here and there across the paper. That was when it hit me.
I have had the joy to have Jim in my life, he had been my best fucking friend forever, just like he always will be. He will always be with me, like he was now. In my memory, in my heart.
I felt the corners of my mouth starting to twitch into a sad attempt to a smile, a small one, but atleast a genuine one. It was like the storm outside had decided to come straight into my house and let its lightening strike me right in the head. I was going to go through this with "Jimmy-style". I was going to keep on feeling grief, no fucking doubt about it. But I figured that while I'm doing that, I can live. I can live in a way that would honour my friend.

"The ones that we love are here with me Jimbo. Just make sure that you'll lay away a place for me!" I said to the photo beside me.

I was sat in the sofa for another hour, trying to puzzle together the scribbled sentences that was my attempt to try to say some sort of goodbye to Jimmy. I felt a little bit more at ease, but that didn't seem to make the tears stop streaming down my face as they pleased. It was like I was in no control of my emotions, to say the least. By the time I was done, I wrote down the last of what I considered to be my letter to my best friend.

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you
When He lets me
Your pain is gone; your hands untied
So far away
And I need you to know
So far away
And I need you to need you to know


-


Matt was sprawled out on my sofa the day after, a beer in his newly tattooed hand, flipping through the channels and cursing under his breath when he realised that it was nothing good to watch.
I was out to the kitchen, hoping to find something good to eat but realised that it would have to do with takeout. I searched through the top drawer, trying to find some good menues when I heard Matt say something from the other room.

"What?! I can't fucking hear you when I'm not in the room!!" I yelled, and decided that I couldn't choose what food we should order so I grabbed the whole bunch of menues, and walked in to the livingroom only to find Matt reading a paper.

"I said, did you write this?!" He silently questioned. I let out a sigh, before sitting down in one of the armchairs. I rubbed the back of my head before answering.

"Yeah, I did... I guess it's my letter, trying to say goodbye. Ya' know?! I realised yesterday that I need to let my thoughts out in some way, instead of trying to shove the problems under the carpet. It resulted in, yeah, well... that!" I explained. There was only silence.
I looked over to were Matt was sat, his head supported in his hands.

"Damn Bri, this is...
Amazing. I didn't know you had it in you" He mumbled, before lifting his gaze to meet mine. That's when I noticed the tears that slowly made their way down his cheeks, and I cursed under my breath as I realised that my own eyes slowly started to burn with that familiar stinging sensation yet again.
As if we both thought the same thing, we stood up and met in the middle, hugging eachother and crying like never before. It was like we knew that it was time to move on, and it hurt like hell to know that it was time to let go.

Later that night, I slowly and carefully stepped out of the bed. Trying my hardest not to wake Michelle up. I had rolled around from side to side, not being able to sleep for about three hours, when it dawned on me that it was one last thing I had to do.
I picked up my phone on my way out of the bedroom and walked down the stairs, and walked out barefoot into the damp grass in our backyard. This was going to be hard, I thought, as I looked out over the water that was glistening under the light of the moon.
I dialed the all too familiar number and held my breath.

"Hey! You've reached Jimmy. Yes my dear friend, you guessed right, I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep". A cheery voice came through the speaker of the phone. I pressed the red button, before repeating it all over again. A comfortable type of sadness filled my chest.

"Hey! You've reached Jimmy. Yes my dear friend, you guessed right, I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep" I let out a breath I hadn't even noticed I was holding when I heard the beep on the other end.

"Hey buddy... It's Bri." I whispered, nearly choking on my own words, as I tried to remember how to put together a coherent sentence.
"I just.. Well I just wanted to say that you are dearly missed. We miss you man, every fucking minute of the day! I wrote a letter to you the other day, but I want to think you already know about that...
Matt thinks we should put it on the new album, I think you would have wanted that."

I felt tears, streaming down my face, as I cleared my throat before I continued.

"I guess it was my way of saying goodbye, but I realised now when I heard your voice that.. Yeah, well... I'll see you around!
I love you, we all do."



 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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