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Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Avenged Sevenfold >> A Far Cry from Innocence

The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

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VI: And the door it opens is the way back in
By Warped

 


First things first, when I got the emails for you guys' reviews it seriously made my day - so thank you! This one's short and nothing much happens, but I wanted to get something done.

“Scarlet,” he whispered, “please…Scar, can we talk?”

It was the first time he'd been able to catch me alone since `the incident', and two seconds in I already wanted him to go away again. Where were the rest of the guys? Where was Val? How had Zack managed to choose the one time they weren't all here to try and talk? I shrugged indifferently, sighing at the familiarity of the pain hearing his voice caused.

“I guess,” I replied flatly, wringing my hands together and staring blankly at the wall behind him. I was sitting behind the makeshift merch stand at another crappy venue, the guys had finished their set over an hour ago but I'd not moved since, so I supposed he'd just taken it upon himself to find me. His eyes seemed to search my face desperately for a moment, maybe seeking any hint of forgiveness, but I knew he'd find none - just at the sight of him my face had hardened into a stony mask. Nevertheless, he crept forward to sit on the chair beside mine, bowing his head slightly as he stared at his feet.

“I'm really sorry, Scar…” he croaked eventually, “I don't know why I did it, I didn't, I wasn't thinking…”

I stiffened.

“Cut the crap, Z! You were thinking! You knew exactly what you were fucking doing!” I burst out, glowering as he visibly shrank back against the chair, “You were just pissed off cos I wouldn't put out…I bet you thought you'd just have one quick fuck and I'd never find out, right?”

He shook his head, attempting to interrupt, but I held up a hand to stop him, “You said you'd never pressure me, Zack. You knew I wasn't ready and you still tried it on all the time, and then when it didn't work you fucking went to her!”

“Scar I di----“

Shut up! You have no reasonable fucking explanation for this!” my hands balled into fists, I glared at him fiercely before I took a deep breath to calm myself and got to my feet, turning away, “I hope it was worth it, Zack, because I don't give cheaters second chances.”

I walked away.

There were so many other things I wanted to say to him, so many questions I had - why was I not good enough? Why her? What was so difficult about waiting for me? But then, I didn't really want to know the answers. All I knew for certain was that had he really valued our relationship, the thought of cheating would never have crossed his mind, never mind the fact he'd acted on it. I may have been vulnerable to him, attracted to him beforehand and unable to resist the pull of his clear attraction to me, his sense of humour, his smile and how damn adorable he could be, but when I looked at him now all I could feel was disgust, I could see nothing of his perfect, balanced features, the sea-green of his eyes - all I could see was the slimeball he'd become by being a cheater. All I could feel was that I deserved better.

I wished that I could be happy like Val and Matt.

Val was so, so lucky to have found the right guy so early on in life. Matt was even luckier. While the rest of us and our relationships seemed balanced constantly on a knife edge (mine and Z's falling apart completely, Jimmy and Leana's on the rocks a lot of the time - she didn't get along with Val or Michelle, and it left Jimmy between a rock and a hard place, his girlfriend and a couple of his best friends) Matt and Val were the steady ones that kept us on track. Matt held doors open for her, held her hand, kissed her sweetly, draped his arm over her shoulders protectively whenever we went out in public, told her she was gorgeous and attempted to buy her things he really couldn't practically afford. He was the perfect gentleman. And then there was Val…Val did everything for Matt and the band, realising just how much it meant to him. She'd arranged every single tour date and helped organise the guys' inventory of things they were taking with them, then arranged the daily budget, taken the time to look up the routes we were taking to venues and then painstakingly marked on the map where gas stations were and service stations where we could pull over and sleep, and even before that she'd been stealing money from her parents to fund the guys' efforts and handling everything to do with selling merch.

They were perfect for each other, and I guess I couldn't have been happier for them - even if I did have the tiniest bit of a crush on Matt.

I wasn't going to do anything about it…I'd never want to put Val through the pain I'd just felt at being cheated on. My whole heart had just gone numb, and my brain was still trying to process it now. It was the cruellest thing anyone could ever do to me, especially when I'd been as into Zack as I was before it had happened, and putting Val through that kind of mental torture would be even crueller. I'd leave the pair of them well alone; I'd stick with being lonely myself any day over making Val lonely and Matt a cheater - therefore in my books just as much a scumbag as Zack. I loved the both of them too much for that, and if it meant pushing aside my liking for him (and how sweet and funny and strangely charming and protective he was) then that was the way it would be.

Dragging my feet, I headed out of the venue and into the street we'd parked the van on behind it, noting that the sliding side door was open which meant there would be people inside. I clambered in numbly, tears randomly pricking behind my eyelids despite my attempts to blink them away.

Goddamnit Zachary, you don't know how much this hurts…

No, no, no! Collect yourself, Scarlet! Man up!

Swallowing, I glanced around myself through blurred vision. Brian sat in one corner of the van, on the phone to Michelle assumingly, with a frown furrowing his brow. His conversation paused abruptly when I came into the van, and I assumed he'd been talking about what Zack had done because the subject quickly changed from `yeah…in the dressing room' to `so how's everyone back home?' and he flashed me a tentative smile.

Matt and Val were nowhere to be seen, while Jimmy was settled in the passenger seat, which he'd tilted back so he could sprawl out all over it as he appeared to be playing an invisible drumkit to himself, and Johnny was asleep in another corner, propped up against the side of the van with his head bowed and his styled Mohawk starting to fold down and droop over his eyes. He looked like he belonged in the Misfits. I rubbed the tears away from my eyes and crawled over to curl up next to Johnny, wrapping my arms around his torso and laying my head against his shoulder as lightly as I could in an attempt not to wake him. It didn't work too well.

“Hey…” he mumbled groggily, as his arm tightened around me and he blinked in apparent bleariness, pressing his lips to the top of my head. I was a year or two older than him, but he'd still always acted as my big brother, and this time was no different. He took one look at me and frowned deeply, pulling me even closer and brushing the hair out of my face.

“Zack bothering you?”

I nodded slowly, sniffling quietly so as not to disturb Jimmy from his playing or Brian's phone call. “Mhm…” and his expression softened instantly,

“What did he say?”

“I'm really sorry…I don't know why I did it, I wasn't thinking…” I mocked Zack's voice bitterly, staring miserably at the floor. “He's not fucking stupid. He knew what he was doing…” I huffed, “So I shouted at him.”

Johnny hugged me closer, quelling the bitter sobs that rose in my throat, “I'm really sorry, babe. It's just that Z's used to girls hanging off him, not the other way round…he thinks that a couple of breakdowns and desperate apologies is gonna fix things like it has with his past girlfriends.” He sighed, watching me sadly, “Truth is, he needs to learn that this isn't okay, the best thing you can do for both of you is keep on ignoring him, yell at him again if you need to. Don't forgive him for it right now, he'll never realise how much of a dick he's been otherwise.”

“I don't wanna forgive him ever…” I mumbled, hiding my face in his chest. He kissed my cheek, pulling me into his lap and rocking gently to soothe me,

“Scar, hun, I know it hurts. It seems like the end of the fuckin' world doesn't it? I know you hate him and the rest of us do too for being such a fucking idiot, but you're gonna heal…fast or not, it'll happen. And one day you might feel like forgiving him, or feel like listening to whatever godawful reasoning he can give you for what he did, you might even want to be his friend again.” I shook my head, curling my hands into fists as my lip trembled when Johnny kissed my cheek again, kindly, “And maybe one day, after you've forgiven him, you'll realise you've fallen in love with him again, like I know you did the last time.” Even if you don't want to admit it. He didn't say those words out loud, but I could read them in his eyes.

“It's not that simple, Christ…” I protested

“It's not that complicated either.” He replied, brushing my hair back lightly with his fingertips. “He does deserve the hate you've got for him right now, but one day you're gonna get tired of hating him and realise that this isn't as much of a big deal as it seems.”

That stung. “Of course it's a big deal…he knowingly cheated on me.” I exclaimed, pulling back slightly. Johnny shook his head, but was beaten to the mark by Jimmy as he clambered over the seat where he'd obviously been listening in.

“Hey, hey…” he smiled brightly in encouragement, plopping down on my other side with a thud and slipping a lean arm around my waist, “It seems bad, and I'm so fucking sorry you had to go through this…but this way, Zack learns to respect you, right? He's never respected anyone the way he's gonna start to respect you - cos he's learned from the past week that when you treat someone like shit, if they have any self respect they don't associate with you any longer. Nobody, not one single person's done this to him before. He'll do anything to get back in your good books.”

“I don't want him in my good books. I don't want him in any book. I don't even want him in my Burn Book.” I muttered, inwardly wincing at making a Mean Girls reference in the middle of such a serious conversation, “I don't want to talk to him at all.”

“We're not saying you have to,” Johnny cut in with a compromise, “just…one day, it might happen. Without you realising it's going on.”

That would do, I supposed. I wasn't too keen on willingly forgiving him, but if things were out of my control…if they just happened circumstantially, that would be less of a blow to my pride. I'd never thought myself the kind of girl that would give a guy that had cheated a second chance, but when Jimmy and Johnny put it that way, I guessed it made sense. It would just happen. One day, maybe after the tour was ended and I was home and could more easily not talk to Zack, I'd realise I missed him, and when that happened - that would be when I'd accept I'd forgiven him.

I missed him already, but that didn't count as forgiveness. Just a lonely, unbearable ache in my heart, in that gap that he'd left.

Fuck you for that, Zachary.

Johnny smiled at me, pleased by whatever in my expression gave away the fact I'd conceded he and Jimmy were right. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer to him so I could curl up in his lap, and Jimmy slumped with his head conveniently pillowed by my boobs as he settled, assumingly, to sleep. I made no move to push him away, and instead curled closer to Johnny as he wrapped his arms around me and cradled me to his chest.

“Guess we should sleep?” I mumbled hazily, and he nodded quietly, kissing the side of my head,

“Night Scar.” He paused, then glanced down, “Night Jim.”

“Mmhsshmm” came Jimmy's bleary reply, and I smiled.

“Goodnight guys.”

 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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