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Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco

The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

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God,
he was so sick.

By Kayan

 


Spencer swore he had never cried that hard in his life. He swore he would never cry that hard again. He swore he would never pray to God again. God lost his trust, probably forever. He didn't get it, why did he had to take Ryan? Why would God want someone like him? He'd be so useless to him, even nowadays. Even in a million years. God, he was so sick. He'd be so useless to Him. He'd just sit there, in heaven. Probably a little better than he was on earth, but still broken and tired.

~*~

I'm so sure even You will get bored with him and will start paying less attention to his pain. Even You will leave him alone when he needs someone. God, he was so sick. Why did you have to take him? God, he was so sick. So useless.
Why didn't you give him some time to get better? Why didn't you took him afterwards? Why didn't you decide to keep him alive? Why didn't you wait for the cure to kick in? Why didn't you take me instead of him? I could have given you everything.
God, why so stubborn? God, why wouldn't you listen to me when I begged you to let him stay with me? God, why Ryan? God, please listen to me. God, bring him back to me. Give him back to the person who cares about him. Give him to someone he wouldn't be useless to. Give him back to me. Give him life again. Give me love again.

~*~

He'll miss talking. He'll miss talking about when they were at the age of five. Innocent and ignorant. He'll miss lying on his bed and talking about anything and nothing at all. He'll miss everything, Ryan.

~*~

God, take me.
God, take me.
God, take me.

Save him.
so useless.

~*~

It has not been always like that. Ryan once lived a happy life, without being sick, not useless at all. Spencer didn't get why Ryan deserved to get sick. What did he do to God to die at the age of 17? As far as Spencer knew, Ryan never did anything against the law.

He hated himself for believing in such a God at times like that. He hated how even God couldn't help him. He blamed him for what happened. It must have been His will, His damn selfishness.

Spencer cried for days, disappeared for ages.

~*~

Do You have an idea what you did to me? Do You have an idea what you've put me through? You've driven me crazy, you've no idea how much faith I had in You. You have no idea how many years I wasted to believe in you. Now I only think about you as an illusion.

Other people might be mad at Ryan for leaving, for not trying enough, but they don't know how hard he already tried. They didn't know how scared he was of dying. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't all Your fault. I wish I could love you. I wish I could believe in you again.

I wish I could believe that Ryan just… ran away from his life, I wish it was his own fault.

~*~

Spencer's never told him how much he loved him. Ryan's never known anything about all the times Spencer stared at him when he was asleep. He didn't know anything about what one simple hug or a kiss on his cheek could do to him. Ryan didn't know, no one knew.

He's always been taught that it was wrong to love him. He's always been taught that people who loved people from their own gender were sick. Spencer had been believing he was sick for years. No one who knew. He was scared.

His love for Ryan scared him.

~*~

I hate You and your believe. You're the cause that I've never told Ryan that I loved him. Everyone's always told me that You would not approve of that. You make me sick, you took everything away from me. You took Ryan away from me. My best friend, Ryan.

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.

I can't believe how I ever loved You.

~*~

It was winter when he grabbed those four letters together, it was winter when he decided to burn them.

He was hoping he'd get send straight to hell after those letters. He was hoping everyone in heaven would immediately hate him. He lighted the fire, waited, cried and burned every little thing that reminded him of God. He cried as he saw the flames ruining everything he once loved. He cried as he thought of Ryan. Ryan, watching him from heaven. Crying his tears, touching his fears.

Spencer was dead inside.

Spencer would always be dead inside..

The (fail) End.

 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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