Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Smashing Pumpkins
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Please see the Terms of Service for more information.
Disclaimer: The characters portrayed here do not belong to me. "D'arcy" belongs to Wretzky - Brown.
"James" Belongs to Mr. Bugg Superstar. "Billy" (sorry girls) belongs to himself - he's his own one
and only. And "Kerry" belongs to the Chilean Mafia (Joke/mars style). Please notice I don't consider
him a bad guy (I don't even know him, actually) and I appreciate his contribution to Starla.
Rating: PG-13, I think. Or maybe a little more.
Feedback: Both positive and negative feedback are welcomed and craved at firstname.lastname@example.org,
but don't expect an answer to the question "how dare you" I dare. So sue me. And don't say anything
about "Is she gonna be ok" - I know it's a dorkey question.
Note/apology: Come on, people, this is meant as a joke! I laughed my ass off while writing this.
There's nothing here I consider real or even possible, and the cheesyness is on purpose (don't tell
me James is absolutely incapable of acting like this - you've heard his lyrics).
[Note to self: include the expression "you give good head" somewhere in this story - kidding. Note
to Vicky: Jaack...!].
Sorry, maybe I am a little too defensive, it's just that this feels weird and I'm guessing you won't
exactly send flowers. Think after writing this I should get a T-shirt with the legend "I'm so
ridiculous - gimme a hug" on it. Anyway, thank you for your time. (Eat your heart out Billy Corgan,
*this* is Chicago blues)
Dedicated to: my beta-reader, Vicky - thank you very much. Also to Calabazarock from Siva's message
board - when are your parents painting again?.
Let's just pretend the Pumpkins are back together and on tour so this story can take place. Lay
back, light a cigarette, and enjoy the show! (lol yeah right).
James knocked on the white bathroom door. Behind it, water dripped as an only answer.
"D'arcy c'mon girl, hurry up!" He passed his weight to his right foot and knocked repeatedly. He
looked up impatiently, then looked down. He cringed as he saw water extending across the floor under
"D'arcy you okay? D'arcy come on, open the door!" he almost yelled.
James grabbed the knob quickly and to his surprise, the door opened easily. He rushed in the room,
and froze to what he found. The floor was covered with water that was still running from the faucet.
D'arcy was floating naked in the tub with her messy blond hair sticking to the sides of her face.
Her eyes were open, fixed on the ceiling, and stripes of blood ran down from her nostrils, diluting
in the water. Her face was white, except for the red rings around her eyes, her hands were crisped
and her knuckles blue, just like her lips.
James ran to her, and he saw a syringe floating next to her. He picked it up and stared at it for a
second, no emotion on his face, then opened his hand and let it fall it by his feet.
He leaned and lifted D'arcy's doll-like limp body by the waist, laying her on the wet floor. He slid
a hand under her neck, lifting her head, and slapped her face a few times, but nothing happened, so
he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her as he called her name in panic.
Sirens rang outside the glass door and silhouettes with no face walked around in what felt like
circles, at least for James. He looked across the ER hall, where Billy talked on his cell phone,
telling someone they should leave someone a message to call urgently, but he didn't know, or care,
who. All he could think of was the girl behind the curtain and the seconds that seemed to tick so
slowly on the big clock hanging on the wall.
Billy walked to him sliding his phone in his coat pocket and said "he's not there either" "who?"
Billy stared at him for a moment and answered "Kerry" in a tone that suggested he should had known
A man in a white coat said something to a nurse who pointed in their direction, then he walked up to
them. They stood up quickly. "Is she gonna be ok?" James asked. He heard the man say something about
four minutes and about damage, so he figured she wouldn't.
James froze with a hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath. "here you go" he said to himself,
standing outside D'arcy's hospital room. He was finally going to see her. He had stood outside the
room watching people get in for two days, and all the time something had been telling him that his
reasons for going inside were more powerful than theirs, that he should have been the first in line;
but he didn't exactly know why, so he just waited for husband, mom and sisters to get in and get out
after a moment, with redden eyes. And no one had even talked to him; no one had wanted to tell him
anything. When he -or Billy, or Jimmy- asked about how was she doing all they got was "she's
confused", or nothing, just silence.
Opening the door, he entered the room. He had been preparing himself for what he might find, so when
he actually came in and sat on the chair next to the bed what he saw didn't impress him at all. She
looked fine, at least compared to how she looked with paramedics all around giving her shock
therapy, and she didn't even look pale anymore, but the wires and the hospital robe brought back to
James' mind what had happened. She had fucking died. Right there in front of him. He had always been
aware of the ground he treaded on, so he had prepared himself for everything he thought was
possible, like watching Jimmy overdose and die. He had even gotten used to the thought of Billy
shooting his brain out, but in every though about it D'arcy was there next to him, giving things a
"Hi there" he whispered, leaning forward. D'arcy opened her eyes slowly.
"You got me worried, you know?"
"Sorry" she said, in a slow tone he had never heard her use before.
"It's ok" he said "But I certainly expect you never, ever, do that again" James's smile dropped from
his face and he looked away to stare at the window as he continued "I've had enough of it".
"What's going on?" Her voice was soft and empty and she sounded like a child. "I... I just..."
Suddenly she stopped
"You just...?" James asked, trying to get her to finish the sentence, realizing after a moment she
didn't even remember having started it.
"Something's wrong with me" she said, looking at James as her eyes filled with tears. He looked down
for a second, then right into her. He needed so bad to do something about it, but for the first time
since they had first met he didn't know what. For the first time it wasn't like the usual 'save the
damsel' game, when she turned to him for comfort to see if she still had him hooked, and he
patiently showed she did. There was no whispered "come here" and no holding her to his chest - he
just leaned his head to kiss her forehead and said "I love you very very much, ok?". He felt like he
was about to cry, so he just added "Gotta go, I'll be back soon" and stood up.
As he walked trough the door he saw Billy standing in front of him. "Billy" he said, still not
"Hi. So?" he asked dryly.
"Confused?" Billy interrupted him with a sarcastic half smile.
"No" James said in a tone that made Billy regret being hostile to him "Well, or, yes, she is, I mean
who wouldn't be, she..." he laid his back against the wall and sighed. "She's a little girl" he said
quietly, then turned to the window. Outside, mothers swung their kids and plastic bags whirled
around the supermarket parking lot.
"Come on Bugg, eat it" James said as he poured a bunch of unattractive bone-shaped cookies into a
red plate. "Let's just be nice buddy, we'll have to see each other around a lot from now on".
Until she gets better. That's what they had said. James slid his back down the kitchen wall till he
got to the floor, and sat there next to his dog. He tried not to think of D'arcy, and all the times
he had been tempted to call her L.A. place and tell her Bugg had died, even though it wasn't true,
just to have something to say to her. A week had gone by since he'd seen her at the hospital and
now, besides dealing with the fact that there was no band anymore again, with the fact that she
couldn't even tie her shoelaces by herself anymore, he had to accept the fact that after a few days
home her husband had decided taking care of her was too hard for him and had left her "with
qualified people" -which by no means sounded better than plainly and asylum- and was now lord knew
where, running around with that band of his. And no one had objected it. He stood up from the
kitchen floor, took his car keys and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
The place looked as bad as he thought it would. Past the high fence was an old building that could
definitely use some paint. The yard was nice, all brown with fallen leaves, but Chicago autumns were
too damn cold to even dare to take a short walk outside. Lost in these thoughts, he found himself
following a nurse through gray corridors that got to a big room with couches, where some strange
looking -and strangely calm- people sat. He looked around trying to find D'arcy as he thought of the
irony in him, James, calling somebody strange looking, but she wasn't there. He turned around to ask
the nurse about her, but the woman had left. Then he saw D'arcy. She was standing against the wall
opposite to him, apparently arguing with a tall man dressed in white. She didn't look good: her hair
was dirty, so was the old striped sweater she was wearing, and her head hung low. He walked to her,
stopping a few steps away to try to hear what they were arguing about.
"You didn't do it this morning, neither yesterday. You know what your work in here is, so now go and
take out that trash, D'arcy. Are we going to have a problem here?" The man said emphasizing every
"But I... I don't want to" It came out slowly from her mouth, and she looked like she was fighting
to keep her eyes open.
"We all have our responsibilities here. Mine is helping you with yours, and now you are coming with
me to take out the trash, understood?"
She shook her head from side to side and then stared at the floor "But I'm not going to. I don't
want to" she said, as tears started running down her face.
James walked up to the man. "Just give her a break, ok?"
"But I can't. When she-"
"Just do what I tell you!" he yelled.
The man turned away and left saying something about duty, but James' eyes were focused on D'arcy as
she sobbed with her back to the wall.
"It's ok, girl, princesses don't take out the trash".
She looked up, only then noticing he was in the room, took a stumbling step to him, and put her
skinny arms around his neck. And for the first time since he had found her in the tub, James knew
exactly what to do.
"You're gonna like it here" James said, pulling D'arcy by the wrist to get her inside the house, and
then closing the door behind them "Even if you don't, we'll think of something" He turned to face
her waiting for an answer, or a comment, anything that proved she was really there, but there
wasn't: She just stood with her hands held below her waist and her long hair falling over her face,
and nothing that could actually tell him there was something the woman he once knew and the scared
little girl standing in front of him, startled by the ringing of the phone, shared. Not even her
eyes, sad as they had always been, but a child's eyes.
He picked up the phone but an angry voice started to speak before he could say anything.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He recognized whom it belonged to at the first word.
"Feeding my dog? Hello, Kerry" he said politely.
"Don't fuck with me. Is my wife there?"
"That's a pretty strong word. Not 'there', 'wife' I mean. Yes, she is." James turned his head to
look at D'arcy, congratulating himself for staying calm.
"She shouldn't. Now this is what I want you to do: get her in the car and return her to where she
was right now"
"So they can keep neglecting her and we have our Frances Farmer remake, right? Did you even check
the place before you signed her in?"
"That's none of your fucking business" The voice on the phone sounded even angrier.
"She's been my best friend for the last thirteen years, so I think it should be my business.
Besides, she wants to be here" he turned to D'arcy "hey D'arcy do you wanna be here?"
She looked up from her hands "What?" she gave him a not understanding frown. "Yes" she said finally,
with no emotion in her voice.
"Please, she doesn't know what she's talking about" Kerry said. "Why do you keep sticking into this?
Can't you see this kind of thing only happens when she's around you people?"
The blow caught James off guard.
"You know it" he said bitterly "Anyway, I've had enough of you. Both of you. I just don't have the
time or want to set things straight right now, and let's face it, she wouldn't probably want me to.
So go ahead, do whatever the fuck you like. Just don't come to me when it's falling to pieces"
"Gee, that's really nice of you" James said with a grin "Thank you"
"Don't fuck with me" Kerry said as he hung up the phone.
James walked over to D'arcy and stood behind her, running his fingers down the back of her head.
"Let's go do something about your hair".
The man wanted James to buy a ticket for the rollercoaster that somehow suddenly had become a
merry-go-round. He didn't want to, because an old lady in a pale blue dress was giving away free
tickets, but the man mentioned something about duty and opened a bottle of beer, and then James woke
up. He didn't exactly know what had taken him out of his sleep, but in his ears he could still feel
its echo. He sat up, rubbing his chin with one hand, trying to pick up his jeans from the floor with
the other. When he finally managed to, he put them on and walked trough the door that connected his
bedroom with the corridor.
The house was silent, except for the ticking of a clock and the quiet sound of whispering behind the
guests room door. James walked slowly towards the sound to find it came from D'arcy. She was sitting
in the middle of the bed, that seemed so big compared to her curled up little figure, surrounded by
messy covers, with one arm around her knees and the other arm bent over her ear.
"D'arcy what... what are you doing?" He said, not completely awake yet, while he tried to understand
what she was saying.
"I'm..." She said, looking around frantically while she pulled strings of her hair down "I... are
you sure this windows..." She pointed at the two windows that revealed the cloudy night sky "Cause I
thought..." She looked around one more time then she covered both ears with her hands, laid her head
on her knees and closed her eyes as tight as she could.
James reached his hand out, but hesitated and drew it back with a chill. All the long gone memories
returned to his head one by one so vividly, and images of a naked D'arcy in another bed, a mattress
on the floor in a torn down apartment downtown, spun around his head. But it was the last thing he
-they- needed now, he knew it. So he took a deep breath and swallowed hard, and when his hand got to
her back no longing or desire could be traced in it.
"It's alright, there's nothing there. Sleep now, ok?" He said as he pulled her shoulder down to lay
her back on the bed, tucked her in, and curled up next to her with an arm across her chest. It was
going to be a long night.
"Bugg, come here boy, breakfast" James said as he opened the back door and took a sip from his
coffee mug. "I've got some of that cookies you love so much".
He was about to open the refrigerator when he heard the doorbell ring. He walked to the front door
and opened it, to find a determinate looking Kerry standing outside.
"I've come to get D'arcy" he said as he looked at his watch.
"What are you gonna do then?" James asked as he stepped back, letting the other man come in.
"Get her back to where she was and should have never left"
"You cant, it's not gonna be that simple. And she's sleeping anyway" he said
"Well wake her up" Kerry said impatiently. He carried on as he noticed James didn't mean to "Come
on, how long do you plan to keep going with this? She can't stay here forever. It's not like she'll
be well in a week or even some day, we both know that"
"I do. And you should too."
"How could you be sure, you didn't take the time to find out" James asked dryly.
"Oh come on" Kerry sounded like he was about to shout "Don't you start with the careless husband
bullshit. It's not like any of this is my fault. She did this to herself, and she knew this would
"So we just throw her in that place and forget about her, that's what you mean, right?"
"Like she's gonna know the difference. She doesn't even know what her name is. What I mean is that
we try to go on with our lives and don't make them any more complicate than they have to be"
"Ok, I'll make yours less complicate: Get the fuck outta here, go back to L.A. or wherever. If you
could take a minute to bring her stuff over, I'd appreciate it; if no, then we'll manage anyway."
Kerry nodded his head, smiling "I give you a week, top. And then we'll see how wrong you think it is
to leave her there" then he walked out of the house, slamming the door.
James ran a hand through his hair, and a sudden noise upstairs made him turn around. He saw D'arcy
standing behind the door to her room, so he walked up the stairs and stopped in front of her.
"Listen, about that..." He looked at the front door for a second and then back at her "We
"D'arcy" she said as her eyes filled with tears, then closed the door.
James stood still for a moment staring at door between them and then took a step to it, leaning his
forehead on the wood, and closed his eyes.
"D'arcy, food's here!" James yelled as he watched the pizza delivery boy leaving on his motorcycle.
"I don't want any" She said dully as she stepped out of the kitchen holding a glass of milk.
"Are you sure?" he asked, staring apprehensively at the rings under her eyes and the lines of sweat
running down her temples.
"Yes" She looked at her reflection on the window, a shaky pale girl in an old coat and loose
trousers, and frowned.
James disappeared in the bathroom, coming back with a blue nail polish bottle, and sat on the
"Come here" he said "Sit down"
She moved slowly to sit next to him, and gave him something that looked like an attempt of smile as
he placed her hand on his leg and opened the bottle.
James didn't notice at first, but slowly over the days the old D'arcy began to take over. She still
had no sense of routine and needed to be told when to shower or go to sleep, and spent great amounts
of time sitting with her gaze focused on the distance, but she had started wearing make up, had
learned how to drive a car again, and some of her sarcastic observations resembled to what she once
was, plus she had even become as smart -and aggressive- as she used to be.
"I know I should care about it, I mean, It does concern us all. It's almost as important and
impossible as world peace, so I *should* think about it often. Only I don't." She said as she
dropped her bags on the couch and turned to James who was walking in through the door.
"Gee D'arcy, that's what I call a great opening speech for the amnesty show" He walked to the couch,
picked up a small green bag and handed it to her
"Go ahead, try it on, I wanna see you".
She disappeared for a moment only to come back again, wearing a purple see-through shirt with the
price tag still on. It had been a while since her last one, but now the shock therapy burn scars
were gone; so when James looked at her he could almost forget the last three months and believe it
had always been like this. She had always been like this.
"It suits you, definitely. It's..." Disarming. Disarmed, that was exactly how he felt.
"Listen..." She said, walking to the couch and sitting cross-legged on the little space the bags
left. "I've been thinking a lot about this, and I think... I should probably go home. Or get one,
since I'm not coming back to... you know" She leaned forward and her hair fell over her knees. And
James knew he didn't want her to leave. Not only because for three months he hadn't had the need to
talk to his dog or the operator, not only because he thought she might still need him. But he just
"Maybe" he said "You know you can stay here for as long as you want, but if you wanna leave I can
help you look for a place".
"Ok..." She nodded, getting up from the couch.
"Ok..." He nodded as she walked to him.
"Ok" She said finally, as she stood in front of him biting half her lower lip, took her shirt off,
and let it fall by her feet.
"Ww... wait, what..." He started, wide-eyed, but she approached him, put a hand on the side of his
face and kissed him, stopping him from finishing.
James slowly raised a cold shaky hand and laid it on her bare back, as she put her arm over his
shoulder. But he moved back, away from her mouth.
"Listen, I don't know if we..." he said, looking down.
"Why not? You've wanted it ever since we broke up, you know that" she slid her tongue along his
He moved away "Yeah, but... You're..."
"Not anymore. I'm back" she said as she pressed her mouth to his. "I'm back". This time, he kissed
D'arcy's hands slid under his shirt as she bit his tongue softly. He pushed her against the wall
next to the stairs, lifted her harms and held them up while he slid his mouth down her chest,
lingering about her navel, as he could feel every single drop of blood running through his veins.
He moved his hand across her back to her shoulder and turned her around to stand behind her, crossed
his arms around her and let his tongue play around her spine, as they stumbled up the stairs.
"It's been a while" James said, as he wrapped an arm around D'arcy and pressed her to him.
"Twelve years" Her nails traced crosses on his chest.
"Listen, I..." he moved away from her to see her face.
"I do" she said.
"You do what?" he asked softly as he ran a finger trough her hairline.
"Oh" he sounded disappointed "What I mean is that... I need you to tell me you meant this. I need to
know this wasn't just because you thought you had to, or you just felt thankful, or..."
"Oh, that" she said as she sat up. "I think you are..." He turned to look at her as she got off the
bed. She leaned to pick up her clothes scattered through the room, and stood with her back against
the wall and a hand around the doorknob.
"I like you and all but..." she shook her head with her lips pressed tight "I'm sorry" she said, as
she left closing the door behind her.
But she didn't. James heard a few quick steps down the stairs, then across the living room, then the
sound of the front door closing with a metallic click, then nothing. He laid his head on the warm
spot she had left next to him and felt it getting wet as tears ran down his face, shimmering with
the city lights that came in through the window pane.
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.