You're A Canary I'm A Coalmine


I'm always in the background. You hardly ever see me. Hidden in the back, heard but barley recognized.

I could see how it started. It was so easy. How well she got along with all of us. Like she was an old friend that had always been there. He never went for girls that liked the band as a fan, but loved it when girls he liked got along with us. But she was different. She treated all of us as friends. But I saw it.

I saw how he would blush when she would pass by. Poor guy. He always falls so hard. That's the one thing I never understood about him. He would fall so quickly, but when it would end he would brush it off like nothing. He, I figured, was either really good at hiding his pain, or didn't stay in love very long. Perhaps it was both.

But again, she was different.

He didn't peruse her like he did the others. She wouldn't flirt with him like the others. They got along like best buds from high school. They acted like it was all platonic. But the eyes tell all I needed to know.

She was that type of girl you hear about, but hardly ever see. The good, kind, honest type. Funny and bright. Modest and smart. Innocent yet sexy as hell. The type that you see with a guy and you think ``What the fuck he she doing with that asshole?'' The type that when it's your girlfriend, your friend's don't ogle her, but look at her with a sparkle in their eyes and a deep wishing, and it's almost worse than them ogling her. The type that when you're friends with them, you can barley stand it and would do anything to be with her. The type that you can easily fall in love with. The type every guy wants to fall in love with. The type I fell in love with.

Everyone did. I saw lots of guys that would look at her that way. Hell, if Pete wasn't married I have no doubt he would go after her. Fortunately, he had a ring on his finger and would never cheat. Joe was engaged and wouldn't cheat either. As for anyone else, I wasn't worried. They didn't stand a chance against Patrick.

They would spend hours together just talking and laughing. I noticed that they picked on each other a lot. She calling him ``Pat'' and him calling her ``bitch''. Not exactly a romance novel love story, but true all the same. They would laugh off all the middle fingers and jokes and hug like it was nothing. Sometimes the hugs lasted a little too long. I caught him sniffing her hair.

The time I spent with her was different. I could just relax and be myself and she seemed to like me. She would often hug me and sit on me. We got along so well that it screwed me up the ass. Too well.
It was too easy and simple between us. I could see her body language change when Patrick would enter the room. I could never compare.

It makes sense. I know quite well what I look like. He's cute and funny and charming, while I'm all hair and tattoos. I'm also the world's biggest geek. The only thing I got going for me is I'm the drummer of a popular band. But since when does the drummer get all the ass?

I take that back. To put her in the class of ``ass'' is disgraceful. Pete would kill me for even thinking that. But I digress. I was too much of the ``buddy'' and the ``good friend'' to compare the cute lead singer with the incredible voice. True, he wasn't like most lead singers of rock bands, in fact he was the exact opposite. But that is part of the appeal, I think. The fact that he can go on stage and belt it out then act like it was nothing and shrug it off would make any girl swoon. It made her.

It was funny. Pete always used to get all the girls. But once that little piece of gold was on his finger they stopped. Sure, he would get attention from women still, but the flirtatious nature was less. He was taken and the next target was the adorable lead singer, who in recent years had come out of his shell a little. He was actually now talking to the audience and having little quips with Pete that made everyone laugh.

Girls have always been drawn to Patrick but now more than ever he was getting female attention. All he had to do was tip the edge of his cap and push his glasses up the bridge of his nose to drive girls wild. It was kinda irritating. Especially since she fell for it too.

Though she would never admit it. She would never admit the times I saw her looking at him longingly. Sighing when he would leave the room. Tearing up at hearing him sing ``These Arms of Mine''. She would never admit that his laugh made her shiver. Or that she thought he was so cute she just couldn't stand it.

And he would never admit it either. He would never admit how his heart would skip a beat at the sight of her in a skirt. How she always made him laugh, and it made him feel confidant. How his insecurities melted away when she looked at him. How he would lay awake and think of her.

How do I know this? Because I know these feelings and have gone through them. I can see them in others. I know those two are both too gay and stubborn to admit their feelings for each other. But I know. I have always known from the first time I saw them meet each other. I knew it from day one and yet I still fell like an idiot.

Eventually, they will end up together. I have no doubt about that. It is only a matter of time. One day Pete will announce it to everyone, making Patrick turn red and cuss him out, while she shakes her head and sighs. I can see it like a storybook. They will fall deeper and deeper in love while I stay hidden like always.

She will never know how much I love her because I will stay in the background.

Heard, but never truly seen.