Title: Heaven Gained An Angel
Notes: I did my research but if there is any medical inaccuracies let me know - Kian's POV.
Warning: Gay Storyline, Character Death
Disclaimer: The usual, fiction, blah, blah, doesn't reflect real life, blah, blah, blah copyrighted
to me...ye know...
Hi Mark - how are you? Sorry - stupid question. Your mam sends her love - she's missing you - so is
your da and your wee brothers.
Rowan's missing his partner in crime, but he says he and you will be together before ye know it -
reeking havoc once again.
The lads are missing ye - Bryan and Kerry had a wee boy by the way - they called him Mark (of
course). I'm getting by, but the house still feels so empty without you singing at the top of your
voice. And it's pretty lonely at night without you by my side.
I can't believe it's been just over a year since this nightmare started. I sometimes wish that I
tortured you to go the doctor earlier - maybe you would still be here. You thought it was nothing
serious and that I was worrying over nothing. I still remember you waking up in my arms drenched in
sweat, and the chills you got, even though it was the height of summer. You had lost so much weight
and you had no energy at all, but still it took me ages to get you to go to the doctor. The doctor
says it wouldn't have made any difference if you had found out earlier anyway. The day you got the
test results I knew you were keeping something from me but I wasn't prepared for that one word.
Cancer of the lymphatic system.
I didn't know what it was, all I could think of was the dreaded fear of losing you.
You were 22 for God's sake!
Of course you were going to fight it and fight you did. It was at a pretty advanced stage but the
doctors thought they could chase it into remission. You became a permanent fixture at Sligo General
Oncology ward. You were in a pretty bad way after all the chemo and radiotherapy but you kept
smiling - you felt you had to, to keep me going. You were the strong one for some weird reason. Even
when your hair fell out, you just joked about it in your sarky sense of humour. But the hours you
spent throwing your guts up after that day's chemo got you down - you never admitted it but I could
tell - I was the one holding the puke bucket after all!
After six months though, it became clear you were losing the battle. I shudder when I think of that
day, when that prat of an oncologist dropped the bombshell like it was nothing ordinary. The day I
found out I was losing you.
You had a choice - go home and enjoy the last three months of your life.
Or continue the chemo and live for another six.
You wanted to go home - it was your last wish. And your family and friends and I wanted to make
sure those were the best three months of your life. Your mam practically moved in, fussing over you.
You had a laugh with your brothers, spend time with the lads, and had the best craic ever with
Rowan. And of course we spend every second together, using the precious time we had left. Your dad
videoed hours of tapes, almost to try and steal whatever he could before...
You grew weaker and weaker, and I lost heart. I knew I had to face it. It slapped me across the face
when I overheard you talking to Rowan, making him promise to keep an eye on me after you were gone.
It was the only time I heard you cry. The doctor's visits became more and more frequent as you grew
weaker, barely able to walk, spending those last few weeks in bed or the sofa when you insisted I
carry you there.
The doctor knew you hadn't much time...
You died in my arms, watching the sun set on a beautiful sunny day, over your beloved Lough Gill and
I couldn't face the world at all. Of course it was all over the papers 'Westlife star loses
battle with cancer' and all the rest. But for me it was the start of a life with my soulmate - a
life, in those first miserable days, not worth living. The funeral was lovely - you would have liked
it, and there was a good old Irish wake - which you would have loved.
Someone told me you don't get over losing someone you love; you just get used to it. It's gonna to
take ages for me to get used to losing you but I'll try, at least till we met again. I love to think
of special moments - those first few weeks of us as a 'couple', your sarky comments on the fuss when
we came out, priceless things like that. We didn't have each other long, God knows we didn't get
much time, but until we met again that's all I have.
Heaven gained an angel when I lost you. For now I just want to say I love you and I always
Le grá go déo