Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco
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Pnic in the grocery
Brendon started off a fresh new day waking up in his tour bus bed made for one with Ryan's ass in
"What the-" He started. Ryan turned around. "Oh, sorry.....tee heee heee..." He said. Jon walked in
just then, and walked back out.
"Do not go back there." He warned Spencer who was heading that way. "Ryan and Bren are having some
"I don't care if they're in the middle of an all-out love fest, I gotta pee." Spence said, holding
his junk. "I can't wait much longer, or this baby will explode." Jon just shrugged, and allowed
Spencer to pass.
"Awww.....gross!" He heard Spence cry. "All over the new sheets......guys, really?"
"Get outta here, Spence!" Brendon said. "Unless you wanna join in." Spencer came running out. Jon
laughed. A few hours later, they pulled into a gas station to fill up the bus. They all got out to
stetch their legs. Brendon came out wearing a neon green tankini with sequins on it which spelled
out 'Guys like it Hot', matching stretchy pants covered his bottom half, not leaving much to the
imagination. Ryan, in contrast, was his exact opposite. His eyes were highlighted with gold and
green, and everyone could smell his kiwi-strawberry lip gloss. Not to mention, he was decked out in
women's lacy panties.
"Oooooh, baby, look!" Brendon screeched. They all turned around and saw a large grocery store across
the street. Jon slapped his head. Not again....He thought. The last time Brendon and Ryan had
been let loose in a grocery store, they were banned from the place. Jon had left them alone to go
buy his Walker-type things. When he got back, he'd found them hiding in a locked bathroom stall. The
store manager was looking for them, because they had made a bit of a mess. It turned out, they had
'accidently' crashed their cart into a giant display of creamed corn, knocked over three giant glass
jars of applesauce, spilled two boxes of dog treats, dropped two cartons of milk, opened five boxes
of childrens cereal and took the prizes out, and to top it all off, they each had a huge bag of
gummi bears, opened, and were throwing them over the stall at the security guards.
"Uh, absolutely not, guys." Jon said. "No one is going over there." They all looked at him, Brendon
and Ryan pouting.
"Pleeeeeeeeeese, Jonny?" They whined. "We promise to be on our best behavior."
"I do need some new cheese....." Spencer chimed in. "And maybe some vagisil..." Jon rolled his
"We promise!" Brendon said. Jon thought it over.
"Ok..." He finally said. "But you and Ryan must behave!" Brendon and Ryan jumped for joy, went to
high-five eachother, missed, and fell on the ground. They all headed over to the store. "I do need
to buy some new chapstick..." Jon said.
"Ha ha, Jon wears makeup." Spencer joked.
"Whats wrong with that, pretty boy?" Ryan asked. "Whats the big deal, it's awesome!"
"Ok, whatever, Ryan. Sorry I insulted your petite figure." Spencer said.
"It is petite, thank's for noticing." Ryan replied, looking down at his manorexic gangling body.
"Ok, this conversation just took a weird turn. Are we going, or what?" Jon said. So they all went to
Once inside, they all went off in their seperate directions. Spencer floated over to the dairy
section. He called over an employee and was questioning him on the different varieties of
"Now, is this guda aged for over ten or twelve years? And this provolone looks questionable." He
"Uh, I really don't know. You'd have to ask the guy that delivers it." The guy said. "He's actually
here now, if you wanna talk to him..."
"Well, be off with your sexy self and get him." Spence said. The guy looked confused, but walked
Meanwhile, Jon was over at the fresh produce, picking out some apples. He was just about to bag some
up, when he saw Ryan balancing on a cart, racing toward him.
"Look out, Jonny!!!" He screamed. Jon dodged out of the way just in time as the cart went by,
crashed into the fruit stand and sent Ryan flying. He landed in the berries.
"Guys, what the hell?!?!?!?" Jon ran over. Ryan picked himself up, brushing off rasp and staw of the
berries. Brendon came up, too.
"Oh, my Rye baby boo!!!!!" He said. "Are you hurt, sweetums?" Ryan shook his head, looking
"Did everything just taste purple for a second?" He asked, obviously confused.
"That's it!" Jon said. "We're leaving!" Brendon and Ryan looked at him.
"No, Jon!" They said. Brendon sobbed, "It was Ryan's turn to ride in the cart, so I let him. It just
kinda got away from me, that's all." Spencer came over, then looking around.
"What the hell happened?" He asked. Jon explained, turned around, and saw that Brendon and Ryan were
no longer there. "Dammit!" He cursed. "Ok, Spencer, fan out..." They split up and commenced looking
for Bren and Rye.
Bren and Rye, meanwhile, were on the loose. Ryan wanted to sit in the cart again, as it was still
his turn. Brendon thought it would be fun to race down the aisles some more,
because,well......Brendon doesn't learn lessons very well. So, he stared running with it, gaining
speed. They accidently ran into the baking aisle, and Ryan yet again went flying. He smashed into
the tank where they keep the live lobsters. They clung to Ryan, pinching his no-no parts and
everything else. He totally lost it. Brendon tried to get them off, but Ryan was too hysterical. He
went running through the store, screeching, flinging lobsters as he went. He stepped into the
custodian's mop bucket, who had been cleaning up some mess in the baking aisle....Ryan went wheeling
away, then crashed into all of the toilet paper. Fortunately, it was a soft landing for him.
"Dammit, guys!!!" Jon yelled, coming over. "We are soooooooo leaving!!!!" He grabbed Ryan and
Brendon by their arms, and pulled them out of the store, across the street, and back into the bus.
"Now, you stay put!" He said. "I got a phone call to make." He went back outside, and dialed the one
person who could really keep those two in line.
"Pete?" He said. He heard chewing on the other side.
"This is Wentz." He said. "That you, Walker? Whatup?"
"We got trouble, again." Jon sighed. "I think you can guess from whom." He continued to hear
chewing. "Whatcha eatin'?"
"Port of Subs Pilgrim." He said. "Thanks for introducing it to me, it's delicious. I was getting
kinda hungry after breakfast."
"But it's only 10:30." Jon said. "How are you hungry already, what did you have for breakfast?"
"Uh...let's see...." Pete said. "I had about twelve pancakes, eight eggs, two cups of o.j., five
sausages, twelve strips of bacon, three blueberry muffins, two bananas, and a container of yogurt.
So, not that much, really."
"Jeez, where do you put it all? I'd barely be able to finish the pancakes." Jon said.
"I dunno, I always eat a lot. One time, the hotel me and Pat were staying at gave us a free buffet
dinner, and I ate everything before he got back. That was fun." Pete laughed.
"How is Patrick? I haven't spoken to him in a while." Jon inquired.
"Oh, he's not bad." Pete replied. "Last night, we were at a club, and he ate this bad beandip and
had raging diarrhea ever since. He's barely been out of the bathroom. It's freakin' hilarious. But
enough about Pat's blasting bowel movements. Whats up?" He heard Pete slurping something.
"Whatcha got now?" Jon asked.
"Kiwi-lime smoothie." He said. "I saw a guy selling them on the street just now. Oooooh, a taco
stand!" He exclaimed. "So, why'd you call?" He asked a few minutes later, munching on a taco with
all the toppings.
"It's just, Bren and Rye are getting harder and harder to deal with." Jon said. "They don't even
listen to me anymore."
"Ok, here's what you do, Walker. Seperate them." He said simply.
"That's it?" Jon asked. "That's all you can give me?"
"Believe me, it will work." Pete continued. "Just put one in one part of the bus, and the other in
another part. Don't let them speak to eachother for a full twenty-four hours. Call me back and let
me know how it goes."
"Okay...." Jon said, still uncertain.
"By the way, what do you think I should have for lunch?" Pete asked. "I was thinking either mexican,
chinese, or italian......Oh, eff it, I'll just have all three." And with that, he hung up.
Jon contemplated Pete's suggested punishment. He'd never tried to seperate those two before....but
maybe some time apart would do them some good. He climbed back into the bus and stood in front of
the rest of his bandmates.
"Okay Ryan and Brendon." He started. "I really don't think you guys have learned your lesson about
going into a grocery store. So......" He took a breath. "We're going to seperate you two." Rye and
Bren looked mortified.
"You.....you...can't" Brendon said.
"You.........wouldn't!" Ryan said. Jon started toward them. Brendon grabbed Ryan, wrapping his arms
around him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed. Jon attempted to pry him off.
"You wanna give me some help, Spence?" Jon said, stuggling with Brendon. Spencer walked over, pulled
Ryan off with one hand, and dragged him to the back of the bus. Ryan was thrashing, trying to get
loose. Spencer, used to Ryan's tantrums by now, just held on tighter.
"We'll be good, I promise!!!" Brendon wailed. "RRRRYYYYAAAANNNN!!!!!!!" Spencer just shoved him
behind the door and shut it. Brendon sat there, took a long, deep breath, and began an unholy
screech. Jon and Spencer covered their ears. Ryan was screaming from behind the locked door. Jon
prayed this would work. He looked at Spencer, who just shrugged. This was going to be a looooooong
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.