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The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

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The Dangers Of Southern California
By Danii Debrabant

 


FanFiction.Net



_The Dangers of Southern California_
_Category:_ TV Shows ? Buffy: The Vampire Slayer _Censor:_ PG-13
_Genre:_ Humor/Parody _Reviews:_ 8 StoryID: 363842
_Author_: DeBrabant Font Size: Bigger (+) - Smaller (-)



The Dangers of South California (AKA A Very Stupid Thing To Do)
By Danii
Summary: Someone (evil grin) does something incredibly stupid for the
last time... (BWA-hahahahaha)
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing. Absolutely no one. I just hope
a kangaroo doesn't come after me for this...
Distribution: Take and tell me where.
Kinda XOVER...but that's your opinion...
Dedication: To everyone who enjoyed "Huh?" and "What?" (cause a
sequel's coming out soon!)
SHIP: S/X
NOTE: This is extremely silly. It is also a little bit mean. I
figured I'd better go back to silly since the one serious story I
tried got no response whatsoever...
NOTE2: This is dialogue/sound effects only.

And now:

"Spike..."

GRUMBLE

"Spike..."

"Mmmmm..."

"SPIKE!"

"Mmmmhat?"

THWACK

"Bloody hell, pet!"

"Oh don't even try to tell me you didn't enjoy that..."

"I-"

"Spike..."

"Fine, I did...but what do you want?"

"Hmmm...what do I want...that's one hell of a loaded question in this
position, blondie..."

"Pet..."

"Well actually...I was wondering what the TV cameras, not to mention
the guys using the TV cameras, are doing here..."

"Well...I wouldn't know, pet."

"This isn't some wacky stunt of yours, is it?"

"No."

"Then what the hell is going-"

"Cue Steve..."

"What?"

CREEP CREEP CREEP

"Today, we'll be showing you the mating habits of your average common
vampire..."

"Now who the hell is HE!?"

"As you can see, the vampire is nesting with its mate in this
well-constructed sleeping space."

"I should hope it's well-constructed...I made it!"

"Nesting...what do I look like? A bleedin' hen?"

"Now, this, folks, is a bit of an abnormality-"

"I'm surprised this bloke knows the word..."

"As you can see, the vampire has actually mated out of its species."

"Damn right, you wannabe Paul Hogan!"

"You see, you can tell a vampire by its very pale skin, as shown by
this prime example."

"Is that camera focusing on my arse?"

"Yup. America just got lucky."

"Xander!"

"Now, folks, I'm gonna try to approach the vampire-"

"Not if you feel like breathin' tomorrow, mate..."

"And hopefully, in his post-mating stupor, he won't attack..."

"I wouldn't if I were you, friend..."

GROWL

"Oh, look at that! Could you zoom in on that!? Look at those
penetrating fangs, used to puncture of skin of the vampire's meals-"

"One of which you are to become-"

"Glorious...glorious..."

"You're a bloody looney tune, mate! I'm gonna-"

"Uh-oh, the vampire seems to be getting a bit upset by my presence."

"I'd say so..."

"Don't wanna provoke these creatures, folks. They're hostile."

"Yup."

"But these are beautiful creatures-"

"Oh I didn't know you swung that way, Steve..."

"Simply beautiful. You can tell no only by the skin, but by the
facial ridges. Here, I'll-"

CHOMP

"Crikey! It bit my arm!"

SLURP SLURP

"Huh?"

"Mmmmrr mmrm mmrmr..."

"Spike, you're chip isn't going off! How is that possible?"

"Uh-oh folks...I think I'd better get this little sucker off of me-"

"He's not human!"

"He's-"

"Before I pass oooooooooooooo-"

"Hey, Mr. I!? Are you okay? Mr. I? Mr-"

GROWL

"Oh my god! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! You bastard!"

"Oh please..."

"Okay, you're closer to the savior of mankind at this point, but I
couldn't resist the urge to quote..."

"Actually, that wasn't what I was complaining about, but thank you..."

"Oh."

"Um guys?"

"What?"

"We gotta finish the show somehow. I mean, Steve may be dead,
but...we have space to fill, and it's us who'll lose our jobs if the
episode isn't finished."

"Well, what about that, pet?"

"What about that?"

"Hmmm..."

"Oh boy...that's the devious smile."

"You know you love it, Xan-pet..."

"I do."

"Hey, fellas?"

"Yeah mister...er...vampire-sir?"

"I got an idea."

"Yes?"

"How'd you like an exclusive view at the actual mating of a vampire
for the show?"

"Spike!"

The End













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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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