Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco
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You could have saved
She sat on the road the rain turning her brown hair to black tangles, strands sticking to her tear
stained face. Her eyes were empty; the usually endless pools of happiness brimmed with tears. The
electric blue orbs flat, absent of any emotion. The words ran through her head, each one a new stab
at her already broken heart. How could it still hurt, her chest was empty, lacking in anything that
could cause her agony yet every time she remembered that moment she felt flashes of pain shoot
through the void that now lived in her aching chest. Her mind ran over that moment again and again
looking for something in his words that would make her life purposeful and worth living, yet each
time she did she only found truth. She thought he was happy. She had tried so hard to make him happy
yet still she saw the sadness and pain in his eyes. Had she tried so hard that she had lost the goal
that she started out with? Had she forced her self to believe that he was happy when really she was
making it worse? She knew the answer. His face was imprinted into her mind, every time she closed
her eyes it was all she could see. The dark brown hair, almost black; the vivid brown eyes framed by
the long dark eyelashes; his plump red lips, almost like a girls. All of it was stuck there inside
her mind haunting her thoughts with its perfection. She wondered how he could say those words; a
mask of calm pulled onto his usually animated face, the only sign of what he was really felling lay
in his chocolate brown eyes, eyes that were burned into her mind.
She lay back onto the road wishing that a car would just come and end the pain that plagued her
relentlessly. Then just as if fate had been listening a car pulled round the corner, the headlights
highlighting each drop of rain as it fell on to her exposed skin and soaked through her clothes. She
didn't move, she didn't flinch. She let the car draw closer it tyres crunching on the damp gravel,
the sound of death approaching more of a comfort than a dread. As she felt the first tyre crush her
she wondered idly if maybe he would miss her, then the encroaching darkness engulfed her and
everything was lost.
When faced with death you try incredibly hard to prolong what ever life you have left. It's one of
those human traits that we all share, like breathing or thinking. We don't intentionally do it, it
just kind of ends up happening. We cling to what we have left and focus on what we think is
important when infact none of it truly is. We fear the unknown and death is the ultimate.
My heart pounded against my chest as I walked down the too white corridor, flanked on either side by
my two best friends. A smell of disinfectant filled my lungs and turned my stomach. My mind raced as
I tried to figure out why I had been called to a morgue. Each thought was worse than the one before,
the faces of people I hadn't seen in weeks flashed through my mind.
“Please follow me” a stoned faced doctor told me “the bodies are in here.”
I followed him through a heavy door into a room lined with metal doors. I turned my head to look at
Ryan hoping that he would comfort me, but the usually calm faced boy looked just as nervous as I
was, he caught me watching and gave a week smile, I felt Spencer's hand rest on my shoulder but
shrugged it off. I didn't want his pity or help. I walked towards where the doctor was pulling out a
metal shelf, my chest seemed to get tighter as the impending horror grew closer. He pulled back the
egg shell sheet revealing a girl, a girl who had made my world worth living, a girl who I told I
didn't want, a girl who I loved.
Her face was paler, framed by the halo her dark hair made. She lay lifeless, every trace that had
made her beautiful gone, every part of her that I had loved lay there mangled and broken. The tears
filled my eyes blurring my vision I tired to blink them back not wanting to show how much it hurt,
but they only spilled down my face. I ran a finger over her cheek; it was cold, too cold. I want to
lie next to her, to hold her, warm her up but I knew it wouldn't work. Instead I turned to Ryan, the
tears making tracks down my face. He knew instantly who it was and drew me into an embrace.
In the dictionary death is defined as the end of life. There is so much more to it that that. Death
isn't just the end of one persons life it's the end of many, it's the pain caused by the lose of a
loved one. Nothing can truly describe what death is but those 4 words don't come close to it. They
don't tell of all it will entail, all the problems it will cause and all the people it will damage.
But then in my opinion the English language has never been very good at describing emotions. The
words never truly meet the intensity of the emotions they supposedly portray. The come close but
never truly meet the mark. So in essence me trying to describe the pain lose can bring is pointless,
I will just settle for that age old saying, you can never truly understand something till you have
experienced it for your self.
I heard Spencer behind me asking the doctor some questions but I tried to bloke out what the where
saying focusing only on regulating my jagged breaths, but one question got through.
“How did she die?” I dreaded the answer.
“She was hit by a car, the driver couldn't see her, the rain was torrential. As far as we can
make out she was lay in the road.” The doctors voice was calm and certain, I wondered if he
always used this voice when dealing with the bereaved. I supposed he must, it was so empty of any
true of emotion that it must have been rehearsed a thousand time over before being put to use on me.
I pulled myself from Ryan's arms and walked towards her once again. My eyes fixed the broken girls
face, the only part of her that was intact. I knew that I had driven her to this.
“There was something I thought you might want to see” the doctor voice broke through my
trance, he pulled up her right arm up and I saw the words carved into her porcelain skin, the angry
red slashes standing in contrast to alabaster wrist. As I read them I felt the tears pool in my eyes
as my sanity threatened to slip away. This is the end. The last words I had ever said
to her lay in front of my eyes, pushing themselves past all other details of her broken body,
planting the image into my memory forever.
This time I ran, I ran out of that room into the empty hall. The tears falling freely down my
already damp cheeks, the sobs ripping through my chest. I feel back against one of the walls slowly
dropping to the floor. There I sat letting the grief have its way with me, not bothering to hide my
pain. No one followed me, no one comforted me. They left me morn the love that I had lost.
What felt like hours later the door opened and someone came to join me. It was Ryan his face was as
tear stained as mine and his eyes were full with sorrow for the girls life. He came and sat next to
me, never once uttering a word. We sat for a few minutes in complete silence. The kind of silence
that you can take comfort in.
“You could have saved her” it was all he said, nothing more just those 5 words, but with
those 5 words came the truth that I had killed my true love. And with her I had killed myself.
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.