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Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco

The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

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Drown Yourself In This
By Jesica

 


**SPENCER'S POV**

I was sober again, holding my bottle of vodka in hand, I walked slowly up the stairs, holding on to the banister. I reached his apartment room, and turned the knob, Brendon and Ryan right behind me. I swung the door open.
“JON LOVE.” I yelled but there was no answer. I walked in, and tried again, there was still no response. I opened the bedroom door, there was no one in there, Jon where are you I need you right now. I heard the Ryan giggling, as Brendon kissed his neck lightly. “stop it Brenny.” Ryan shrieked. Fuck this. Where are you Jon, I opened the bottle and took a swig of the drink, feeling the burning sensation before it disappeared. I walked towards the bathroom, that's where I wanted to be, alone in a small space. I opened the door and walked inside. Only to find Jon leaning up against the wall, pools of blood on the floor, a razor tossed off to the side. My eyes grew wide, but I couldn't turn away. I bent down brushing his hair slightly out of his face, a tear slid down from my eyes. He was clinging to a picture, I grabbed out of his hand, there was a bloody heart around me. It was a picture of me sleeping fully dressed right after a concert, I had fallen asleep on the floor. I looked back a Jon, why Jon, why. I flipped the picture over praying there was answer to this. And to my efforts there was.


Your probably expecting a note to all of you, something to explain why I did this. But this note is not for any of you but Spencer Smith, and if by the end of this no one understands then I'm afraid that I have failed even after death.

Spencer I loved you, I always did. There was just something about you that made me wanna hold you, that made me wanna kiss you. But you were to busy staring at Ryan and Brendon, you were too busy being jealous to realize all the hints I was sending your way. I mean hell I was there when you stayed up every night crying wanting to know why you couldn't have had Ryan. I held you not because that's what friends do but because I wanted to, because it broke my heart to see you cry. You always wondered why I was still there in the mornings, and it's because I didn't wanna leave your beauty to know that you were just gonna be broken down again by seeing the one you like so much with his tongue down the throat of your friend. When you were sick it wasn't Ryan who stayed with you, it was me, I stayed with you. When we were on vacation from touring, and you didn't have anything to do, who stayed with you, me, I did, I said screw going home lets stay with Spence, make him happy. But you just didn't see any of this did you. Nothing you didn't see the way I'd flirt with you, or hit on you. You made no recognition of what I was doing, cause you were to busy envying Brendon for what he had. But it wasn't seeing you cry, or you ignoring all the signs and signals I was sending you, that broke my heart the most. It was when you brought her home. HER. MY GOD YOU BROUGHT HER HOME. Then there was more girls, different girls. None of the same girls, they were just Sluts.
I slept with and held you through the nights, after they were done handling you, then after awhile you wouldn't even let me hold you. But the worst wasn't any of that, you turned to drugs and alcohol to help you numb your pain. You were a wreck, and I couldn't stand to look at you, but I did I stayed by you to make sure you were okay that you didn't overdose, and when you did I always was right there helping you, saving you; even though you hit me out of anger, and frustration. But I'm done, if you can't see what was right in front of you to begin with I'm done. I'll always love you, but I can't stand to see you hurt like this, it's wrenching my hurt and breaking it more than ever.

Love,
Jon


I finished choking up, I shook my head. No. It couldn't be my fault, not for this, it couldn't be. Please Jon say this is a joke, wake up and tell me this is a joke. JON I LOVE YOU. Please wake up. I wanted to scream, but nothing came, I was crying to hard. I stood slowly only to look in the mirror, I had bags under my eyes and I looked horrible. I slammed my fists into the mirror causing it to shatter. I hated who was staring back at me, the person I became was the reason for his death, I fell to the ground, and crawled to Jon, and for once in my life, I was holding him, instead of the other way around. I clung to him, crying slowly. I reached for the blade, My hands shaking, I took another swig of alcohol, I slid the razor deep in my skin. It burned at first, but it didn't matter , the blood began to pour, I sat the razor down, took another swig of the vodka drowning myself in it. I clung once more to Jon, holding onto the one thing that kept me sane, the one thing I could truly say I loved more than anything else. Him.

 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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