I was sprawled out on my bed watching Aladdin, when the phone rang it was probably Spencer he calls
at least 1 every 2 hours to see if I'm okay. Why they wont leave me alone I don't know. I needed
space, I needed to be able to breathe that's why I left and I wasn't going to go back, I wasn't in
the mood, and I didn't have to the time. I grabbed the Jack Daniel's and took a swig of it. I had
been gone for at least 8 months now, had a job making coffee to pay the rent for the apartment. The
phone stopped ringing I smiled at that, the answering machine had picked it up.
“Ryan I know for a fact your there pick up.”
Spencer I rolled my eyes, and took
another swig of the alcohol. The phone rang again, why wont they leave me alone. It stopped and I
sighed, I turned back to watching the movie the TV screen had become a blur of colors. The phone
rang again. I threw the glass bottle at it hoping it would turn the damn thing off but it hadn't. I
sighed in frustration and picked it up, then hung up on whoever was on the other line. I unplugged
the phone. I stumbled back to my bed and collapsed.
My head was
throbbing, and my legs felt as though they wouldn't work. I stood, and almost fell, but caught my
self. I walked to the mirror and looked at myself, my hair was a mess and my eyes glared at me, like
this was stupid, like I was stupid, I rolled them. There was bags under my eyes from lack of sleep.
I opened the mirror not wanting to stare at myself any longer, and grabbed the Excedrin. My alarm
clock went off, and I sighed, I had to get to work in an hour. I climbed in the shower, 30 minutes
that's all I needed.
“Hey George-o,” I smiled it was
“Hey Teri,” I said acknowledging her.
“You look like
“I know I feel that way too,”
“I'll cover your
shift tomorrow if you want so you can catch up on your z's,”
“No I'll be
“Well your gonna be late for work,” She said tossing me my pizza
hat and uniform. I sighed, pizza deliveries ugh, those were the worst.
“Hey west coaster,” My friend and follow Dominos guy greeted.
shit,” I finished.
“I was gonna say hell but shit works too,”
“So where's the first pizza go,”
“New Market, but
hey I've been thinking maybe you could make the pizzas today I mean you look,”
“But I can't cook,”
“Yes you can, I saw you making pizzas just the
“Cause you told me to.”
they were awesome pizzas, George-o so go make some more today,” I sighed there was never a
winning argument with Marc.
“You making pizza's with me?” I
smirked, before throwing a pepperoni at him.
“That a boy,” He
“Well George-o it's closing
“Good night Marc,” I said walking to my car.
“Wait George-o,” He said and caught me before I was about to climb in my car.
“Okay I think I figured out where
“Okay,” I said confused that was impossible he
couldn't have figured it out, could he have.
“I was looking around my
sisters room for her Panic! CD and then I saw a poster with Panic! On it and I was like wow that one
guy looks really familiar well, I decided I'd ask you before I jumped to conclusions, but if you are
then your from Summerlin, Nevada? Right.” He exclaimed all in one breath.
“If I tell you the answer will you promise not to tell,”
“PROMISE ON MY LIFE,”
“Yes I am the guitarist of Panic!,”
“Sweet, one more question,”
“Why cant I tell,”
“Cause I don't want anyone to know, I'm dead for all anyone cares, just don't bring it up,
promise me Marc,”
“You have my word,” He said and smiled, before
skipping away. I shrugged and climbed in the car. My mind wondered as I drove down each street, and
turned into the parking lot. Climbing out of my car, my mind racing at full speed, my heart began to
skip beats, then it all stopped when my eyes landed on the lanky boy standing against the wall, his
back towards me. It couldn't be it was impossible. No one knew where I was, not even him.
“Can I help you?” I asked my words so quiet I could barely hear them, he turned
to face me and sure as day it was him, his smile painted on his face grew bigger as our eyes locked.
He ran to me, and pulled me into a hug, I lost my balance and fell.
I MISSED YOU SO MUCH,” He shouted in joy.
“George, is something
wrong out there,” my neighbor yelled through closed doors.
ma'am just someone I wasn't expecting,”
“Just checking, you sounded
like you were being mugged,”
I chuckled, mugged by Brendon no, the only thing he ever
stole from me was my heart, then he left me for another, time after time. But he never really left
cause he never really knew how much I actually cared. Hell he was straight.
“Bren, can you get off of me please,” I pleaded, and he stood, helping me back to my
“You wanna come in,” I asked as we reached my door.
shook his head vigorously, and I opened it up forgetting how messy it actually was he stepped
inside, I followed after shutting the door. I looked around my room was a wreck, the TV, was old
and the screen was cracked, the place just wasn't clean there was a pizza box laying on the counter,
and gummy bears sprawled out on the couch. My bedroom door was wide open, there was clothes laying
every where, there was empty Monster cans laying on the floor as well. I blushed looking down at my
feet how could I have let my apartment get this dirty. Then again how did he find me.
“How did you find me,” I asked the question finally coming out, I hadn't
looked up didn't want to, I walked to the fridge and pulled out a monster, and chugged it before
throwing away the empty can. Normally I would have thrown it in the sink that was already full of
them, but I decided against it, Brendon was here.
shouted ignoring my question, I hopped the counter and stood in front of him, I looked at the floor,
there was blood and glass.
“IT BURNS,” he shouted, the alcohol.
“I should've told you not to take your shoes off,” I smiled, and
picked him up bridal style caring him into the bathroom, I sat him down on the toilet. Pulling the
glass out from his foot and fixing it up.
“Were you drinking or
“I got mad at the phone,” I smirked .
“WHY?” He asked lifting my face to his, I was on my knees and he was bent over
looking at me.
I didn't answer I hadn't known why, some days I just felt like I needed to drink
like my problems would go away.
“Why?” He's voice un-playful and
“I don't know,” I mumbled.
The room fell silent,
stood there was no point to this, I washed my hands.
“Why are you here
any way,” I hissed as I looked at myself in the mirror.
“Because, you wouldn't pick up your phone,” He stated.
“Figures that would be the only reason you'd come,”
the fuck did you leave,” He was getting annoyed he was so cute when he was annoyed
“Because I did I had my reasons,”
“To not call,
or let us know you were okay,” He was holding back.
I don't wanna talk about it,”
“Then when do you wanna talk about
“Never, I don't ever wanna talk about it, why don't you
just go home to your little wife, or your girlfriend or which ever it is you have nowadays, you
always seem to be switching it up,”
“I've only proposed
“Oh so this one will be the third time
“NO RYAN IT WON'T THERE IS NO THIS ONE, THERE IS NO
GIRL, NONE , NADA, NOTHING, I'M SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT RYAN, WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE,” He
was beyond pissed, but he didn't wanna show all of his cards not at once, no, he was from Nevada,
we Nevada boys were taught better than that.
“Why do you
care,” I demanded I wasn't In the mood and I wasn't going to yell at him no, not yet, not till
I knew where this was going.
“BECAUSE I DO RY-RY, I CARE ABOUT
YOU, YOUR ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, and that's what best friends are supposed to do,” He said
his tone began to soften but never lose it's touch of bitterness.
“Is that all?” I asked.
“IS THAT ALL, IS THAT ALL,
IS THAT, MY GOD RYAN, YOU PISS ME OFF,”
“YOU ASSUMED THERE WAS MORE,”
“Well I hoped there was,”
“WELL,” He began to yell but took a deep breath instead before finishing.
“Well it is all that I need to say, but are you going to answer my question
about why you left?”
I took a deep breath, here goes nothing here goes nothing at all.
“I left cause I was heart broken, because I fell in love with
you, and didn't have enough nerve to tell you, and I couldn't sit back and watch you get married
after almost losing you to someone once, so I left, I figured you couldn't possibly love me the same
way, cause your straight.” I sighed my voice had gone out on the last few words. I stared down
at my feet, not wanting to see his reaction. There was slow footsteps, then he brushed against my
shoulder, Tears began to come softly and quietly. I could hear the door knob turning.
“I shouldn't have come back, you were right to leave,” His voice was
softer than a whisper and I could still hear it. The door closed slowly behind him. That's what I
get for wearing my heart on my sleeve and letting him inside. I fell to the floor, pulling my knees
to my chest, his last sentence to me echoing in my head clearer then day as tears poured down my
face like rain, my heart felt like it had been torn apart and shred into tiny pieces that couldn't
possibly be put back together. I didn't move as the door opened, I pulled my legs closer to me.
“Ryan, you still here,” A voice whispered, it was Brendon.
“What the fuck do you want now, another reason to rip my heart
out, tare it into shreds.” My words coming out bitter and cold.
“Go away Brendon, I'm just another
reject, why don't you just go be all pretty in pink and go some place else,”
“Cause Ryan, I'd rather not see anyone put my baby in a corner,” He said,
I could tell he was smiling but I wasn't in a playful mood.
“Ryan, come on, I wasn't expecting me to be the reason you left,”
I didn't care, how
he felt, cause he didn't feel the same if he was happy without me then so be it let him be happy
“Ryan, look, I fell for you once, but I figured
if I found someone else, some girl, something to prove to everyone I was straight, my family would
except me more.”
I had my ears mistaken me, had he said he once fell for me.
“It just took me back, that you actually fell for me too, Ryan if I had
known, I would have taken you right then and there, I mean your one of those people, that have
dazzling eyes, a great personality, and the more I stare at you, the more i just wanna rip your
clothes off. But I never knew Ryan, I wouldn't have cared what others thought Ryan, cause I loved
My heart crashed just as fast as it had lifted. The love he used was past tense.
“You don't love me anymore,” My words were a whisper.
“No Ryan, I do, but I cant love you if you don't come
“This is a scheme to make me come back, Spencer
and Jon set you up to,” I said harshly. I looked up at him for the answer, but instead found
his lips brush against mine softly then landing, it took me back had he just kissed me. My fingers
entwined in his soft hair, pulling him down to where I was as I kissed him back. His hands slid
under my shirt.
“Did you lock the door,”
“No,” He stood abruptly leaving and then came back his shirt missing,
I smiled staring at his body. He pulled me to my feet, leading me to my bed. I pushed him to it, and
climbed above him, I nibbled at his neck and then continued my way down with butter fly kisses to I
got to the top of his jeans. I unzipped them, pulled the down, and threw his skinny jeans to the
floor somewhere else. I slowly pulled down his boxers to release his harden cock. I looked back at
“Bout anal sex, as much as I dreamed of it with you, I'm not ready, but for you to do this,
yes, I very much so ready,”
I smiled at that.