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The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.


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Happy's confession
By Jesse Lockheart


All Ranma ? characters
are property of Rumiko Takahasi and is brought here by VIZ
Communications. This Fanfiction is not used for profit in any way.
So don't arrest me!
Happy's confession. By Jesse Lockhart
The scene takes place at a psychiatric center in Nerima. This is
where we find Hopposai in the office of one of the psychiatrists.
He is sitting on the couch with a disappointed expression on his face
looking down at the floor. The psychiatrist is seated with a note pad
in his hand.

Shrink: O.K. Tell me what is troubling you? Hopposai: Let me start
from the beginning. In my younger days was a simple martial artist
who traveled many lands in order to improve my skills.
(Women screaming.) Hopposai: WHAT-A-HAUL! WHAT-A-HAUL! Lady 1:
AAAAARGH! It's him! Lady 2: Get that little pervert! (Hopposai,
who is carrying a sackfull of panties, is being chased by an angry
mob of women.) Lady 3: Don't let him get away! Hopposai: Ha ha ha!
This is the biggist stash I had in days! Huh? (Hopposai sees a new
lingerie shop with a window full of bras and panties.) Hopposai:
Whoa! I've hit the jackpot! C'mere baby! (BAM!) Yahay! (One of the
ladies catch up with him and hit him upside the head with a baseball
bat. The other ladies come and join her to beat on Hopposai.)
Lady 4: How dare you steal our underwear?! Lady 3: You disgusting
little turd! Hopposai: BWAAAHAHA! Can a guy make a living? Lady1:
Shut up and Die!
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------------
Hopposai: I was a poor man and I had to scrap for every little piece
of food I could get, but it was my skills in the martial arts that
helped me survive. During my travels I ran into a couple of orphan
boys named Soun and Genma. They were young and looked no more than
13. They had no home and no one to talk to. All they had was them
selves. They begged me to help them train so.. (While Hopposai
was talking the shrink was drawing a picture of him with a pair of
panties in his hand.)
(A young Soun and Genma are on their knees bowing in front of
Hopposai.) Young Genma: Please sir! Let us train under you! Young
Soun: Yes! We'll be your disciples. We have no where else to turn.
Happy: Well.. It won't be easy, but if you promise to stay focused,
and work hard, You can call me master. Genma: Thank you sir! Soun:
Thank you! --------------------------------------------------END
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------------
Hopposai: I took them under my wing. Shrink: So these two gentlemen
the reason for your problems? Hopposai: In a way. But that's not the
half of it. I was a strict man. My training more so. I only expected
the best from those two. (Actually it was a way for Hopposai to
improve his panty stealing methods. Everyday the boys went into house
to house stealing women's underwear. Some days they would be chases
by angry local women because of it. On top of that they had to go
through tough and rigorous training through Hopposai's strict
teachings.) Hopposai: As the years went by the two adolescent
boys became men. I trained the two well, but not well enough to reach
my level. Then one day, while training in the mountains of Tita.
Those two little ingrates knocked me off the cliff, and left me for
dead! --------------------------------------------------FLASH
(Hopposai is looking at the birds-eye view of the Japanese valley
from the mountaintop. Actually he was holding up a pair of woman's
panties. Soun and Genma are hiding in the bushes watching him.)
Hopposai: Ah so lovely. Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight?
The lacing, the stitching. Surely some took the time and care to make
this. (He rubs the underwear onto his face.) Soun: This is it
Soatome. You know what to do. Genma: Got it Tendo. Both: LET'S GO!
(They both rush up on Hopposai.) Hopposai: (Turning his back.) Huh?
S&G: WE'RE FREE!! Free at last! We finally defated the evil master!
Ha ha he he ha ha! (Soun stops celebrating while Genma kept on
dancing a jig.) Soun: Wait! Soatome. Genma: What's up Tendo? Soun:
I just had this weird gut feeling that.. (Looking down at the
moutain.) We didn't kill him. Genma: You're talking crazy talk! You
heard how hard he fell! No one could've survived that! Your
conscience is getting the best of you Tendo! Soun: Maybe you're right
Soatome. But we better get out of here and quick. (They frantically
ran off the mountain without looking back.)
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------------
Hopposai: (Turning red with anger.) Of all the things I did for those
punks! This is the thanks and respect I get?! (Breaths heavily)
Shrink: Calm down sir! There's no need for anger. Your with friends
here. (Hopposai calms down bit by bit.) Happy: (Sigh) Sorry. There
I'm better. Shrink: Good. Now please continue. Happy: Well I luckily
I fell onto a roof of a cabin that broke my fall.
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------------
(CRASH! Hopposai crashes through the roof the cabin startling
the lumberjack inside. Hopposai is lying unconscious on the floor,
but wakes up instantly. The lumberjack rushes over to see who it is.)
Lumberjack: Whooowe! Well what do we have here? Hopposai: Huh? And
who are you? Lumberjack: Well slap my face and call me a whore! If it
ain't on of those little Leprechauns I've been hearin' about!
Hopposao: Hey who're you calling a Leprechaun? Lumberjack: I hear
that you are some tasty little critters. (smacking his lips.)
Hopposai: Ta.. Tasty?! Lumberjack: EY MA! Go fetch my p-shooter!
We's about to make us some stew! Hopposai: P-shooter?! STEW?! I'm
outta here! (Hopposai breaks through the door and out of the cabin
with the hungry lumberjack not too far behind with the gun.)
Hopposai: (BLAM!)YAAAAAAAAHA! When I get my hands on those (BLAM!)
two little punks their gonna regret they ever (BLAM!) met the likes
of me!(BLAM!) Lumberjack: Get back here you tasty little morsel!
(BLAM!) You're a fast little son of a gun!
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------
Hopposai: I was lucky to get out of there with my life. I've never
forgotten what they did to me. At first I held a grudge over it, but
I kept on training. Traveling around Japan improving my skills once
more in the hopes of finding those two again. Eventually that search
would take almost 15 years when I was finally reunited with Soun and
Genma. But everything changed. Never in my wildest dreams would I
think those two would start a family. Soun, maybe. Genma, highly
unlikely. But I was surprised when Genma told me he had a son. A son
that would later be the reason that I'm in here. Shrink: And this
boy's name is? Hopposai: (In a low angry voice.) Ranma. Ranma
Soatome. --------------------------------------------------
FLASH BACK-------------------------------------------------------
(Just recently) Lady 1: AAAAARGH!! Lady 2: YAAAAAH!!! Lady 3:
EEEEEEEEK!! (Hopposai is running around flipping up women's dresses)
Hopposai : How sweet! (Flip) Hey cuttie! (Flip) What's your name?
(Flip) You want those? Lady 4: How sick! Lady 2: Somebody stop him!
Hopposai: (Running from the girls.) Ha ha ha ho ho ho ha ha This is
wonderful wa huh hey! (Ranma grabs him by his shirt and picks him
up.) Hopposai: Ranma! What are you doing here?! Ranma: What do ya
think you're doin' ya little freak?! Hopposai: I was just looking
at the scenery if you don't mind. Ranma: (smirk)Really? Is that so?
Akane: Dose it include a trip to the museum of fine underwear?
Hopposai: Akane! C'mere and give your granpa a big (BLAM!) huaaaaag!
(Happy tries to jump onto Akane's breast, but is greeted with swift
kick in the face.) Akane: Dry up and die! Hopposai: How dare you
Ranma! You've bugged me for the last time. Ranma: So what are you
gonna do about it? Hopposai: Take this HOPPO FIRE ..... Ranma: Look out
he gotta! Hopposai: BURN!!! (KABOOOOOOOOOM!)
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------
Hopposai: (clinching his fist in anger.) That annoying little brat!
Ever since I moved in with Soun and the others. (Freeloaded!)
He has become my worst nightmare! I can't even do my daily rounds
without him bothering me. (Sniff) All I ever wanted to do was train
him to be a better martial artist. To finish what I've already
started with Soun and Genma. But all day long I get picked on, brused
and beaten by those three. (Sniff) It's terrible. I've never felt so
unloved in all my life. (Sniff)(Sniff) Shrink: (Grabs a box of
tissue) Here you go. Hopposai: (Takes a piece.) Thank you. (Blows
his nose in a way that sounds like a car horn blowing.) (sigh)
However, I never gave up my efforts to make Ranma a better martial
artist and to get in touch with his girl side.
FLASH BACK-------------------------------------------------------
Hopposai: Oh Ranma! Ranma: Yeah? What is i...(SPLASH!)blrp
blup blurp! Ran-chan: Why'd ya do that for?! Hopposai: Try on this
bra for me! Ran-chan: Fat chance ya little letcher! Hopposai:
C'mon Ranma don't be that way! (Jumps onto Ran-chan trying to put the
bra on her.) Put it on! Ran-chan: AAAAAARGH! I SAID! (BLAM!)NOOOOO!!
Hopposai: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Hopposai crashes through the roof and is
sent flying.) --------------------------------------------------END
FLASH BACK------------------------------------------------
Shrink: Wait. Get in touch with his girl side? Hopposai: It's a long
story. Anyway, That's why I came to you doc. I think I'm in a low
point in my life. I just never felt so miserable. Not even martial
arts can give me inspiration. Is their anything I can do? Shrink:
Well Mr. Hopposai. It seems to me that you are suffering from a rare
type of depression. That depression is called.. (The shrink takes
off his mask to reveal Ranma in disguise.) Ranma: Sick Perveritis!
Hopposai: (Jumps out of his seat) RANMA! Ranma: Huh! Surprised
ya! Didn't I? Hopposai: (Battle aura beginning to rise.) GRRRRRRRRR!
Hopposai: HOPPO BATTLE AURA BLAST!!(BOOM!) (The blast sends Ranma
straight into the wall and collapse on the floor. He then slowly
gets back on his feet.) Ranma: Ugh! Is that all you got? Hopposai:
I'll teach you to play play tricks on me! HOPPO FIRE BURN! (KABOOM!
BOOM! BOOM!) (Ranma runs around the office trying to dodge the array
of Hopposai's bombs.) Hopposai: No mercy Ranma! I'm gonna have you
bowing and scrapping at my feet when I'm through with you! (BOOM!)
Ranma: Man this guy is.. (BOOM!) Outta control! (A nurse who is
outside of the of the office room hears the explosions coming from
the closed door and runs over to investigate.) Nurse: (Opens the
door.) Excuse me. Is their something the matter here? (Hopposai
stops throwing the bombs the moment the nurse spoke. Hopposai:
Whoa baby! HELLO NURSE! (Hopposai jumps straight for the nurse.)
Ranma: Sucker!(POW!)(Ranma catches him in mid air with an uppercut.
Hopposai is sent flying out the window.) Ranma: (Breathing heavily.)
I don't bow down to nobody! Nurse: Oh dear. (The nurse looks over the
office which is in ruins. Ranma walks past the nurse who was looking
at him leave. With his hands on the back of his head, he spin back
around to look at the nurse. ) Ranma: Don't worry. He'll get my bill
by the mail. (With a wink in his eye, he walks away leaving the nurse
even more confused.)



The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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