Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco
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Not your average
Just look at her. Is she all you thought she'd become? Is she what you are proud of? Is that who you
thought would become when she was fifteen? Did you really think she'd become this drug addict- whore
model? Guess what? That's who she is now, she's not your “best friend” anymore; she's a
twenty year old drug addict model, what a life. Yeah, so I'm repeating myself, at least I'm giving
you the facts, the basics, the new “life” she has. She lives in Vegas, of course, in her
beautiful 350 bucks a week apartment on the strip. She's lucky eh? Yeah, I bet you'd trade your
crappy life with your strict parents and boring high school right? Yeah, I would too, I'd do
anything for that life, everyone would, it's the life everyone wishes they could have. It's
the life full of celebrities, of money, of fame, it's the life where everyone knows you, and you're
gorgeous on every picture, `cause you always look like a million bucks. Then, you think about why
you would trade your life for that life, that's when it begins. That's when she
decided to trade her life with her loving, caring parents for that. Now you're
all thinking, “ well sure, I'd do it, I'll be rich and get all I ever wanted.” But are
you sure? Are you sure you'd trade it for that? Yeah, okay, you're still saying yes, but just let me
explain to you all that it implies, everything you lose, and what you get in return. Let me
tell you, if her choice was worth it, let me tell you if she is happy with that choice let me
tell you her story.
“Isabella,” Matthew, her boss called out, “Come here, I need you to try this new
Chanel dress. It's a size 0, I think it might fit, I can't get a lower size, sorry.” Isabella
walked out of the room she was sitting in; standing within seconds in front of him. She smiled
shyly, revealing her perfect 5000$ pearly white smile. She took the dress from his hands, observing
it's every detail, length, fabric and size.
“I think it might fit, I've gained weight.”
“Okay, do try it on, I need to see if you could wear it Friday at the show.” She nodded,
retrieving to the dressing room. She hung the dress on the hook, closed the door and began
un-clothing. She took off her silk black cami, slid her dark denim, boot cut buffalo jeans, throwing
them on the floor with the rest of the clothing items. She was left in panties and her 32B size bra.
She looked into the mirror, her reflection revealing her skin on bones body. Looking with disgust at
herself she quickly slid the dress on her thin body. Happy with her new reflection, she exited the
dressing room and back to where Matthew was standing.
“That dress is now the best item in your wardrobe.” She giggled, blushing a little.
Isabella turned around and changed back into her clothes from just before. Exiting the dressing room
once again, she came back to see Matthew, only to say her goodbyes. She left the building and
started her journey back home.
It was dark outside for it was rather late in the night, about midnight. She walked a little less
than a mile to the bus stop, only to find that it had just passed and left without her. Frustrated,
she groaned and sat on the bench next to her and decided to wait for the other one, witch would come
only in twenty-five minutes. She looked up at the sky, you could see every star perfectly even the
moon, and it was those nights when she remembered her teen years. The ones where she would be on the
roof with her friends, stargazing together until the sun would come up. Those sleepless nights where
she needed 6 cans of monster to be able to pass threw the night without blinking once. The nights
where her head was leaning on his, the nights where his lips were tou-.
“Excuse me?” She looked up, wondering who had interrupted her thoughts.
“Yes?” She asked to the unknown person.
“When is the next bus coming? I forgot to check when I came outside.”
“In about twenty minutes.”
The man took a seat next to Isabella, taking out a notebook and a pen from his backpack. Curious as
she was, she discretely looked from the corner of her left eye and onto the paper he was writing on.
She was able to distinguish something that looked like lyrics, or maybe a poem. She tried to read,
but as soon as that idea crossed her mind, the man turned around and faced her.
“Did you read?” He asked.
“No, I tried though, I'm sorry, I get too curious sometimes.”
“It's okay, I'm Ryan by the way,” he said, extending his arm out to her.
“Isabella” She said shaking his hand. Ryan looked at her straight in the eyes, staring
at them in the dark. His face was covered with a scarf and a hat, so she wasn't able to see the
details of his face.
“You remind me of someone, one of my best friends, she had your name”
“I don't know, one day we were at school together and the next, she left. I never heard from
her again, she didn't even leave me an explanation, she just wrote on a piece of paper “I'll
be back soon” but she never did…”
“About 4 years, she left when she was sixteen. She didn't even finish her high school, or
maybe she did, but not like we had promised each other.” Ryan finished, looking down at his
feet as if remembering all the memories.
“I don't know, isn't that what people say when they loose someone they love?”
“I haven't lost her, she just didn't come back…yet. She'll come back; I know she will.
She can't just leave without ever coming back. That's not like her, that's not like my
girlfriend…” Isabelle stayed in shock for what seemed like forever until she realized
it was only a matter of seconds. She looked down a bit then back up at Ryan.
“She was your girlfriend?” She gulped, unsure.
“Yeah…” Ryan said a hint of hurt in his voice. She didn't know what to say. What
could she possibly tell Ryan? She didn't need to; the bus was already there. She got up from her
seat, advancing to the bus. She turned around and looked at Ryan, who was still sitting there, on
“You're not coming?” She asked.
“No, I think I'll stay a little longer, I'll wait for the other one, I'm in no rush” He
said not looking up once. She turned to the bus in front of her and told the driver to wait a
She turned back to Ryan and took his pen out of his hands. On his notebook she scribbled a number
along with her name.
“Here, call me.” She said, leaving without any answer and onto the bus. As the bus
drove away, she looked in Ryan's direction, only to see him looking straight at her until the bus
“I saw her Brendon.” Ryan muttered under his breath. The two boys were enjoying a movie
night at Brendon's house watching Gothika while drinking some Heineken. Brendon turned around at the
sound of Ryan's voice, especially when he heard the “her” because Brendon then knew whom
Ryan was talking about. He was talking about her. Not just any her, the girl they searched for
months after she left, the girl who was considered as Brendon's best friend, Ryan's girlfriend.
Ryan's one true love that was always there for him whenever he needed her, the one best friend
Brendon could count on anytime of the night, any day. Then, she was gone; she just left, like that.
So when Brendon heard the word her, he immediately closed the TV and looked at Ryan.
“She looked sick Brendon, I've never seen her like this. It's scary, it's
heartbreaking.” Ryan cried out.
“How did you know it was her?”
“She has the same voice, only slightly different, it sounds hurt, and she still has the same
handwriting, and the same curiousness she always had.”
“Wait, same handwriting? How do you know?”
“She left me her phone number. To call her.”
“I don't know…but Brendon, it's her.”
“She's still wearing the necklace I gave her.”
“Whoa. I never thought I'd ever see her again…Ryan!”
“Call her! Call her you loser!”
“And what do I tell her huh? “Hi Isabella the guy at the bus stop, well it was me, it
was Ryan, the one you left to rot back home while you lived your life, the one you said you'd never
let go but you actually did.” She left me Brendon, not me.”
“But she came back. She's back, and you have her number.”
“Well maybe she didn't really know it was me.”
“She knew. Isabella never gives her phone number to someone she doesn't know, and you know
that. Look how long it took for you to get it in the first place.”
“But Brendon, she's changed, she's not the same Zabella we once knew, I can see it, and if you
see her, you'd think the same. She's not my girlfriend anymore and she's not your best friend
anymore. She's the girl I fell in love with and broke my heart and is in serious need of health
“Then let's give her that help.”
“RYAN! You've waited 4 years to find her, now's your fucking chance! Get your damb phone and
call Isabella! NOW” Brendon ordered Ryan.
“You have one new message, message 1:
Hey there Zabby it's Carter, just to let you know
that the new dress you tried on today with Matthew, you'll be officially wearing it at the show
Friday. I'll see you soon.”
Isabella had just walked in her apartment, practically dragging herself to the kitchen, fixing
herself something to eat. She hadn't eaten in the whole day and could pretty much eat a whole
elephant, if she could.
Taking out some bread, ham, salad, mayo and cheese, she fixed herself a sandwich in the matter of
seconds. She'd been eating the exact same thing for the past week and surprisingly, she wasn't tired
of it yet. Walking into the living room she lazily slumbered onto the couch, opening the TV. She
looked at a couple of channels, never finding something interesting to watch, finally, she stopped
on MTV finding it to be the top 5. She smiled and left it there, watching some new videos and a
couple new bands. When the number one came on she found it quite interesting, and provoking in a
way. It was the latest video from Panic! At the Disco, Ryan and Brendon. Yeah, she knew who they
were, she knew what they had become and she was so proud of them. They had been talking about making
it big ever since Ryan started playing guitar, it was their one dream and when they managed to get
it done, she was overwhelmed by the news, she wanted to scream, she wanted to call them she wanted
to jump in their arms but knew better than that. She knew the reason why she left and she knew she
didn't want them to know what happened to her, what she has become.
Oh yes, now you want to know why she left, why she made that choice, why she decided to
leave everything behind for that life. It was actually a sudden decision, her parents
were constantly fighting and her brother was the main cause. He'd come home drunk in the middle of
the night with a new girl hanging on his side almost every night. They tried to taught him out of
it, but he never listened, so they started arguing over what to do, how to punish him, how to talk
to him, how to everything basically. Her life was hell, her mother started leaving and doing the
same as her brother, while her father just drank and drank and drank all he could take in. She
mainly gives all the fault to her brother, but at the same time, he was just living his teen years,
he was seventeen and he was just doing what every seventeen year old does, and he did it that way
too. Everyone did, but not everyone's parents let their teen do what they wanted, like theirs. Their
parents were strict about everything and very over protective, her brother, Kyle, got fed up and
decided to rebel against them. He started doing everything his parents usually forbidden him to do.
He'd go out at whatever time he wanted, wherever he wanted, with who he wanted, he got home at the
time he wanted, he took the car, he invited friends over without permission, he made parties at home
when they left for the evening, he'd come home drunk or high off any drug. He really did everything,
and everything he did, was a step closer to hell for the whole family. After a while, he got kicked
out, Isabella thought things would go back to normal, but everything had sunk deeper in depression
and despair. Her parents were in such vain about their son that they hardly took any care of
anything. Finally Isabella just packed her things and left. She had gotten a job offer at a modeling
agent in LA and took it. She didn't even tell Ryan or Brendon, she just left a note. She hated
herself for it but she thought it would be best. She couldn't stand seeing Brendon or Ryan crying as
she would leave. She needed to do it quick, so she did. She regretted after a couple of months,
because after only 6 months of modeling, she had changed so much. Her contracts were growing but her
body was dieing, she was eating less and less, becoming thinner every day. She'd be doing coke not
able to deal with the stress and she was fucking any guy that was in her way. A year later she was
transferred back in LV, getting an apartment on the strip. She tried calling the boys but they never
answered, she thought they had forgotten about her so she forgot about them, witch was probably the
worst thing she had ever done in her life because, they were the most important people
in her life. Though she knew she couldn't just come back after a year and a half, she knew it would
be ridiculous and they'd probably went on with their lives, so she did the same. Her life got
crappier and worst. Her drugs became addictive and she made it a habit not to eat for 48 hours at
the least. She was a real wreck but models are wrecks right?
Then one day the boys came in her life again, well not exactly, but that's what made her go on. She
found them on the airs of MTV with a new hit song, “I Write Sins not Tragedies”; she saw
them happy and so confident. They were so proud of themselves that, the smiles on their faces, made
her believe she could be come, she could do more. So her habits came down, she started eating a
little more and the drugs went down a bit at a time. Slowly, she was recovering from her two years
and a half of a fucked up life. She grew stronger and wiser by the minute.
Then, she saw him. Ryan Ross was in her face that night. He was standing right in front of her and
she literally gave him her number for him to call her. What was she thinking? Ryan
Ross would never call her again, not after what she did to him. He'd never ever call
“Okay were getting somewhere, now that you've pushed in the regional code, press her dam phone
“Just shut up Urie okay? It's hard already.”
“Yeah sure. I know, pushing in numbers on a phone is the hardest thing I've ever
“Hey, I'm just her to insure myself that you're going to call her.”
“Because, you never got her out of your mind, and maybe this is what you need Ryan.”
Ryan hung up the phone, turned around and looked at Brendon for a while.
“What the hell do you mean, this is what I need?”
“Ryan, this girl is for starters my best friend, she's your girlfriend and well she
like abandoned us. But, yes there is a but, she did it for a reason and that's what we need
to figure out and you really need to know it because she's killing you so slowly you can't
even see it, so when you'll get the answer you'll be finally free.”
“I don't want to be free from her Urie.”
“I didn't say from her. I meant from all the torture you're collecting inside. Get it?”
“I'm sorry I said it like that, but it's just the truth Ryan. You need to hear her
“Hello?” Isabella asked cautiously through the phone.
“Oh, you again, can't you just figure out by yourself that when I don't call you back,
it's because I'm not interested fuck!”
“Ohh come on, we had a good time.”
“Only if you'll be watching.”
“Uh-huh just leave me the fuck alone.”
“Then I'll do it for you, GOODBYE.” Isabella almost killed her phone by shutting it that
harshly followed by a fly to the wall. That guy hadn't stopped calling her since that one night
stand a couple of weeks ago. She didn't even get it why she had it with him, he was so not her type,
and she was just drunk. That was always her excuse. “I was drunk”, it was always the
same, always. So why did she continue on with that kind of life? She didn't get any advantages out
of it so why does she still do it?
“I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF!”
“Isabella..” That voice remembered her triggered her memory to get those pieces she had
forgotten a long time ago.
“Ryan?” She asked unsure.
“Yeah… it's me Zabella, it's Ryan…”
“H-Ho-How hav-have you uhh how are you Ryan?”
“I'm, I'm, I'm good, I guess.”
“Well that's uhh, that's good eh.”
“I've been doing good, I could say..”
“Yeah, it's been good to see you Zab, I… I really… I really missed you, like a
whole big load of it.” She smiled at the thought. That simple little sentence made the whole
difference in her mind. She knew he meant it, she knew it took him forever to say it, she
knew… she knew it was what he was waiting to say and what she was waiting for her to hear for
so long, she knew it was the truth.
“Can, can I see you? I mean like not like a date I mean, to catch up and uhh-”
“Yeah Ryan, I know you need explanations, and I'm willing to give them to you, I won't be
running this time. ”
They had agreed to meet up at the caf? they always used to go. She had woken up early wanting to be
prepared for Ryan. Ryan, her Ryan, if she could still call him like that. She hadn't seen him in
person for four years, four fucking years. How was she going to react? Would she jump in his arms,
would he kiss her? Would they just shake hands or would they simply say hello. That's the one thing
she was not wanting to be doing any time soon, meet up with Ryan to “catch up”, but she
knew it wasn't for catching up, he knew it too. They were both there for answers, she wanted to tell
him the answers and he asked the questions. They knew it all along from the moment they spoke at the
bus stop. Of course, she didn't really wanted to, she didn't want to have to tell him everything,
the whole story, the misery, the troubles, the confession, everything. She just wished deep inside
that he's say it doesn't matter and would move on from there as if those four years of loneliness
and unanswered questions had never happened, never occurred. She wished she could move on from that
moment and do as if it were the next day of when she left, of the night she decided to leave.
Though, it was just a wish, and her wishes, never really came true.
Ryan turned around to look at Isabella. She was gorgeous, she was petite, she was tall, and she was
amazing in every single way. Though she still needed help, Ryan still saw in her the whole beauty he
fell in love with, the beauty he's still in love with, the beauty he never stopped loving and never
will. Her beauty, her gorgeous, flawless, carefree, na?ve, perfect, glowing beauty of hers. She was
intelligent, more than that; she could have been Einstein's grand-grand daughter, but even though,
we won't exaggerate. She always had straight A's, always the top of her class, always there on time,
always studied, always listened in class, went to every after school recuperation. She had a future,
she had everything she could ever dream of. She could have been an open-heart surgeon if she wanted
or one of the top lawyers or a neo surgeon. She could have gone to Princeton, to Harvard, to
Berkeley. Anywhere. Her life was all hers. She was offered scholarships during the whole year. Her
teachers knew she was going to get far, the principal knew even his own parents knew it. Ryan was
pretty sure the whole neighbourhood knew. Then, when she left… everything went wrong.
Everyone questioned on why she left, why did she leave Ryan, why didn't her family look for her,
what had happened to her. Everyone wondered but no one found out. They thought she was dead for a
while and they still do. When someone's mysteriously goes missing, and it's been years you're
looking for that one person, the idea of her maybe being dead crosses your mind more often then you
would have wished. So now that Ryan can see from his own eyes that she's not dead, that she's still
alive, that she's standing right next to her, he knows, he just knows that everything will be
alright, because Ryan Ross can see something he hadn't seen in years. He sees hope and he sees love.
And all that is needed for Ryan Ross to get his hopes are, are right there in front of him in those
loving green eyes staring straight at him. Now Ryan Ross knows, he'll make a difference and he knows
everything will be okay, because Ryan Ross promises himself that everything will be, and Ryan Ross
never comes across a promise he makes.
“It's been good seeing you Zabella, really good.” She smiled.
“It was good seeing you too Ryan, I'm glad we met up.” He looked down, as if
un-satisfied. As if something was missing, something wasn't the same. He looked down at his feet as
though they were the most interesting things right now. He looked down like he used to do every time
when he sensed there was something wrong going on, something not right. Isabella recognized that
body language he was doing; he did it every time when they were teens.
“Zab, ” Ryan started unsure of what would come out from his mouth. He looked up, looking
straight into her eyes just like the day he did when he first told her he loved her, that she was
the one, it was that same old look he had, everything was so the same at the moment, but it was
still completely the opposite, due to the fact that they were four years later and the tension
between the two couldn't even be cut with a pair of scissors. “Why did you leave, I mean
really leave. You just explained to me without any real emotions, without any details, why couldn't
you tell me the reason why? I know you're hiding something; something your mind won't even permit to
think about it. I know it's there Zabby, but where? Why can't you tell me everything like we used
to, when were were… together…why?” As Ryan's last words spoke from his shy and
broken voice, Isabella wrapped her arms around his neck, held him close to her limp arms, holding
him tightly, making him feel the warmth of her body envelope his thin silhouette. She held him tight
like she used to do whenever he's say the hardest thing to her because, she really was the only one
he told everything to. Seconds later, she let her arms fall from his shoulders, looked at him
straight in the eyes, and told him, without any doubt in her voice, without any hurt in her voice,
without even showing the bit of frightening in her voice. “I'm dieing Ryan, I'm dieing
“What do you mean she's “dieing” I mean she can't be dieing just like that!
“She's anorexic Brendon, she's just feeling as if it were dieing. If you saw
“That's the thing Ryan, I'm not seeing her, therefore I cannot know anything
since I haven't seen her for four years.”
“Don't be, I'll see her soon, right?”
“Yeah, don't worry Brandy.” He smiled.
“I guess… Bren… I'm so scared. I'm so scared to lose her again, I'm scared I'll
never be able to hold her again, that I won't be able to tell her how much I love her, or to just
hold her hands, or just see her again. I'm so afraid and yet she doesn't even have a hint of hurt,
she's not even afraid to die and I'm the one crying… how can she not be afraid?
“ Simply because she won't die Ryan. Help her out, she's a strong girl, she's fought a lot.
She'll make it through. Go find her, bring her food to eat, get her out at the restaurant, and get
take out. Just make her eat, good things. Ryan she'll be fine. I swear on my mom's soul.”
Brendon said with the most sincere look on his face, showing all emotion of compassion and hope in
his chocolate brown eyes. Ryan smiled because he knew Brendon didn't lie, he never swore on his
mother's soul unless he was serious, so Ryan was determined to help Isabella. He was determined to
win her back and he was most determined about getting the life he always wanted.
“Urie, you're amazing!” Ryan screamed jumping on Urie showing all emotions, un-afraid of
what he'd think, Brendon was just glad to help a friend out, especially if that friend was Ryan
“I love you too man.” Ryan smiled as he pushed himself off.
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.