I walked out of my room and into the living room. Right there I saw my beautiful Shana. My wonderful daughter, I loved her so much. She looked just like her mother, exactly the same, only 17 years ago. She smiled brightly when she saw me.
“Daddy!! Look what uncle Spencer and me did!” She was so cute. She reminded me of me when I was young.
“What did you guys do?” I asked.
“A fort!” She squealed and hid in it. I giggled and sat down next to Spencer while watching her play in her little fort.
“How you doing man?” He asked me.
“I'm fine Spencer, I'm fine”
“That's what you say everyday…” He said quietly sounding concerned.
“Because I am, ” I replied simply.
“Ohkay…” He shrugged and tapped my shoulder in a friendly manner.
Shana was a year and two months old. Her mother had been with her for 6 months, she didn't get the extraordinary chance to see the wonderful mother that could have been awaiting her. Rachel wasn't there when Shana said her first word; witch was “kiss!” Rachel and I were always cuddling and she would always make a kissing noise, but never said it. She said the word a month after she passed away. Shana knew her mother had died. We tried talking to her about Rachel as much as we could. We showed her numerous pictures of us together, of when she was pregnant, of the pictures where she had Shana in her arms. The nicest one was most probably the one of Rachel with Shana at 5 months, she had started getting weaker and it showed but she looked great on that picture, Rachel was holding Shana in her arms and took one of her little hands in hers, trying to make her wave at the camera. Shana had a little smile that day with a red dress and Rachel was wearing a normal yellow tank top. Spencer had accidentally zoomed it but that's what made it nice. We enlarged the picture and put it in a frame on Shana's desk. [Enough of the picture, I think I'm wasting words on this]. We reminded Shana everyday of how much she looked like her mother. She had daddy's smile and loved music. When we played some she would try dancing and singing to it, she'd always have daddy's smile on. It made me smile too.
I played with Shana for an hour with Spencer building a fort for her and twirling her around in my arms. I loved her so much. She giggled every
Time I lifter her up. I looked up and saw Vanessa. I always had a nudge in me when I saw her like this. She was sitting on the window frame her head outside looking at the sky. She had pain in her eyes and I couldn't stop myself from getting up and sitting next to her.
“Beautiful day isn't it,” I said inhaling a good amount of air.
“Rachel loved them,” She whispered quietly.
“I know…” I said quietly. We stayed silent for a minute or so until I heard her cry.
“It's okay Vanessa, I'm here for you too” She sniffled and tried hiding the tears who were aimlessly falling on her cheeks and onto her jeans.
“I'm okay,” She sobbed.
“No, your not” I told her, she nodded and I embraced her in a tight hug. I let out my own tears and sobbed into her arms. It had been long since I hadn't cried those tears for her. I remembered all the memories we had together. I remembered her laugh; her smiled, her cute way of making the simplest things, amazing and beautiful. She was always full of life even though her life was just dull. She gave importance to all I ever did, to all she wanted. After a few minutes of crying and letting it all go we broke apart and I led her to the kitchen where all the guys were. Ryan immediately got up and took Vanessa in his arms engulfing her into another hug and gently kissing her forehead.
“You okay?” He asked. She nodded slightly but he knew she wasn't. He looked over to me, seeing as my eyes were all puffy and red, he had realized that I had been crying.
“Brendon?” I looked up.
“I need to show you something,” He said letting go of Vanessa. I nodded and followed him out of the kitchen and towards his room.
“What is it?” I asked. He took a large notebook out of his hands and handed it over to me.
“This belongs to you, I should have gave it long ago, but I just finished it. I'm sorry” He said and left the room. In front of me was a large notebook with more pages then you'll see in the Hilroy copybooks. I opened it and every single page was filled in with words, from top to bottom. I turned to the first page and sighed.
“Rachel” I read aloud and brought it up to my chest holding this for dear life.
[A/N: SO I actually think this chapter sucked. My writing was very poor. I apologize… did you like it? Reviews would be greatly appreciated. The more reviews I get, the more I take my time to write it very well ]