Musicians/Music Groups Fan Fiction >> Panic! At The Disco
The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.
Tell me I'm a bad
man... Tell me I'm
100% clich? and 100% boredom :D (oh, and a little more grammatical correctness than in my
previous one, I hope *hahaha*)
Enjoy and let me know what you think
*written for my friend Kate `R' ;) just to cheer her up*
„Wh… What… What did you say?” couldn't he believe his ears? Not
surprising… He was just standing there, stunned and dumbfounded with open mouth and staring
at me in disbelief. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, face in my hands.
“I just said that I love you, Brendon”
Oh God, how I hate such awkward silence.
“So… you mean you're a fucking faggot?” Silence. “Ross, are you totally out
of mind?” Silence. “In love with… oh fuck… me??!!??” Silence.
“You know it's sick?” Silence. “Disgusting?” Silence. “Have you
fantasized of me?” Double silence. “Fuck…”
Well, what was I supposed to say? Okay, maybe sitting there like deaf or dumb idiot wasn't the best
idea but at that time I couldn't think of anything else. I knew Brendon was still standing in the
middle of the room with grimace of disbelief on his beautiful face. I could feel his gaze on me but
the last thing I could do at that moment was to look into his eyes.
“Listen Ryan” well, at least Brendon still wanted to talk to me. “I like you and
you're my band mate so I'm gonna do you a favor and forget about this talk, ok? And I advise you to
do the same. The sooner the better.” I could hear him sighing hardly and I bet he clutched his
head. With the next “I just can't believe it…” on his lips he left the room.
And I was there all alone. Again. I should've got used to it.
I could feel my tears starting to flow through my hands, streaming down my arms and dripping slowly
to the floor. I was glad that Brendon couldn't see that, but I couldn't help crying. Well, I have
never felt so humiliated and rejected as right now. But right, didn't I deserve that? What was the
point in saying this to Brendon? Was I thinking Brendon will fall into my arms whispering the
confessions of love? How come? It was obvious from the very beginning it won't happen. Never ever.
Brendon never gave me the slightest even reason to think like that. Never. Besides, number of girls
still hovering round him would be enough reason to keep my mouth shut. God, we were best friends on
clearly heterosexual terms. So what was I thinking, what? Oh, I was so stupid, as always. Think,
Ryan, before you say something THINK!
But now it was already too late for thinking, I guess. And Brendon definitely didn't want to make it
any easier. He tried his best to sling mud at me and prove that I'm this worst one. And he succeed.
Oh yes, he did. Nevertheless, he surprised me with amount of aggression and impetuosity in his
reaction. But… can you blame him? No, you can't. Probably you'd act the same way. Right now.
And what happened next? Weird looks, avoiding any contact but professional. And that could mean only
one… The life of band was drawing to it's end, undeniably. It was just a question of time.
Already before new album? Or after, when the tour will end? There's no denying. I've fucked up
everything. Our dreams, plans, our future and unwillingly I wrote off also our past. No more Panic!
At the Disco. This little state disappeared from the music map of the world the same suddenly as it
appeared a few years ago. Star. Bang! Splendor. Magnificence. Desire. And sudden void. The end.
Fallen star. Congratulations, Mr. Ross. Good job. Dreamer? So you've poetically shot the
star. Killed it. You can be proud of yourself so… why you aren't?
Oh yes, as it turns out on that star were sitting your best friends, now killed
along with star. Once again - good job.
Everyone went his own path. Relationships between us started to slightly loosen and nowadays I had
only so-so contact with Spence. I don't think they were blaming me for the band's break up as they
didn't know what happened that morning, when I told Brendon how I felt. He pretended to forget that
talk and me as well. For our own good. But it wasn't enough to keep us together. It was time to
start arranging my new life far from everything and everyone that until that day determined my life.
So I arranged. Ups and downs, as in every life. But the only moments I felt true happiness were when
from all directions good news came flooding to me. Brendon was fine. Only he's survived in this
weird world called `show business'. And he's doing well. Very well. It's enough to take any of this
all amazing and so good reviewed albums and take a look at the producer's name. Brendon Urie. That
was making my heart smile and crying at the same moment. It was unimportant what had happened
between the two of us, I still loved him. And I'll never forget that rainy day in Vegas. By the way,
I love rain and strolls in the streams of pouring rain without umbrella. Somehow it always calms me,
kind of my own catharsis.
I was standing in front of my front door trying to find keys in my drenched pockets. But when I
already took them they slipped from my hands and fell on the floor with this characteristic metallic
sound. I squatted to take them and I saw another hand grabbing them slowly. I raised my head slowly.
“Hi Ryan” right there, in front of me, was no one else as Brendon Urie.
“You dropped your keys” he said in this soft voice I always adored and gave me the keys.
We both stood up. I was playing with the keys in my hands and staring at them, actually not knowing
what could I say. I didn't have the heart to look at him. And then realized I haven't said a word
yet. Ross, your gift of conversation is just delightful.
“So… uhm… wanna come in?” I asked pointing at the door and forcing myself
to look at Brendon. He smiled with this amazing smile of his.
“Yeah, but providing that…” I glanced at him questioningly.
“…providing that you'll open the door first, huh?” he grinned making me laugh for
a moment while I was opening the door and we both came in.
Oh, hello my favorite awkwardness! God, how I hate such awkward silence.
I took off my drenched coat and throw it on the couch. I felt Brendon's amused look on my back.
“You still don't care much of order around you, do you?” he asked.
“No, not really.” I smiled as I remembered all the times Brendon yelled at me for
terrible mess that somehow appeared everywhere I went. That was fun…
Again awkward silence. Go on, Mr. Garrulous. Say something.
“What did you came for, Brendon?” that was the shortest way to get rid of awkward
silence. Two sentences more, Brendon will left and there will be only silence again. Without
awkwardness. I was not sure if this is what I really wanted, though.
“I just wanted to see… how are you living and so…” Did he seem to be
“So, I'm all okay as you can see.” I realized I didn't want Brendon to be around me, to
appear again in my life. I couldn't be his best friend again. I couldn't handle his attendance so
close, next to me. I was determined to make him left this house as soon as possible. And by the way
to throw him out of my life. Definitely.
“Ryan?” his voice sounded so gently and softly that I could feel my heart jumping and
bouncing in my chest, wanting to get away from me and since that moment belong only to Brendon.
Shut up, you mean traitor! Calm down, Brendon doesn't want you, stupid. Is talking
with your own heart a symptom of insanity?
“I… I just… I wanted…” I remember the last time he was stuttering
like that and it wasn't the happiest day of my life. And what about this time?
“I came to say I'm sorry, Ryan. For everything, especially for…” he swallowed
hardly “for that talk. I just…”
“Listen Brendon, I can't see any reason why we should go back to that talk. It's past.
Unimportant, not anymore.” I butted in, maybe too violent to mislead Brendon.
“Ryan, listen to me!” that wasn't request. It was demand. “I'm sorry for being
such a fucking coward! Ryan, I love you…”
Woah, that was unexpected! I sniffed narrowly - he didn't seem drunk. So what the fuck?
“I mean… that day when you told me… I got scared. I… I…” Was
stuttering going to begin a brand new way chapter of my life again? “I know, I've insulted
you, I cheated on you, but all because I was fucking scared and… I thought it's bad, wrong, I
really thought it was sick. I wanted to forget, I've tried to deny it, to deaden my feelings to you,
but… I couldn't. And now, now everything's changed and…
“Brendon, hold on, hold on…” He was getting frantic and I was shocked. Actually I
didn't know what to say but one was sure. I had to give him, and myself, at least half a minute for
thinking. After that I said
“You said you love me?” He just nodded. “And… that day… you loved me
too?” He nodded again. I was standing there and watching him, his eyes were sparkling like two
shiny diamonds. And he looked so goddamn insecure. I didn't know him like that. I didn't know
insecure, hesitant and doubtful Brendon Urie. But what am I supposed to do now?
“Wow… You surprised me, you know? But tell me… what am I supposed to do right
now?” I asked the question that was bouncing in my head since I saw him in the doorway. Well,
actually I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, touch him, caress him… I
wanted to do everything a man can do but only with him. Instead, I was standing there, stunned and
not knowing what to do with this excess of sudden happiness that came to me arm in arm with Brendon.
“Ryan… can't you just hold me?” Puppy dog face. Who could resist? Not me…
I came up to him, slowly, carefully…
“Hold you?” I said brushing a wisp of his wet hair aside from his forehead. He caught my
hand and pulled it closer to his face. He kissed the palm of my hand and then whispered
“Yes Ryan, just hold me…” I moved both my hands to his neck and slightly pulled
his head towards me. Forehead to forehead. Nose to nose. Lips to lips. I could feel his arms
wrapping around my waist.
“Brendon, you know you've hurt me, don't you?” I asked with closed eyes. I was too
afraid to open them and realized that it was just a beautiful dream. The next beautiful dream.
“I do…” he said in apologetic voice. “But… can you let me at least
try to fix it?” I felt his arms around me getting tighter. Body to body.
“So try…” I said and already in the next second I was being kissed by the only
man I was really sure he hate me, by the only man that I wanted to stay close to, by the only man
that once used to be my friend, by the only man I could ever dream about.
…by the only man I really loved…
Guys, sorry, but I'm really incapable to write a story with no happy ending *hahaha*
[Return to Top]
The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.