Anime/Manga Fan Fiction >> Fushigi Yuugi
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The Paper Bad
The Paper Bag Priestess
...with more apologies to Katchan... ^_-
upon a time in a faraway land, there lived an Amazon Priestess. She lived on a mountain in the
middle of four countries in a very, very nice temple. She lived in peace and quiet, doted on hourly
by two adoring seishi.
Life was wonderful for the priestess. Her two seishi?Tomite and
Hikitsu?would attend to her every need, lavishing her with praise all the while. Whenever it got
too hot, Tomite would whip up an icy breeze, and whenever work needed to be done, Hikitsu would rush
to do it.
Hikitsu: Oi! How come I'M the one who has to do all the manual labour?
Tomite: Be quiet! I'm busy! ::turns up the heat again:: Oh, Kichiri-sama, do you find it
too warm in here? Shall I send in a nice breeze?
Life went on happily (as long as Tomite
kept his breezes well away from the hem of Kichiri's dress) until one day a terrible thing happened.
Tomite and Hikitsu had gotten up early as usual to prepare their beloved priestess's
breakfast, when suddenly they heard a rumbling and then loud noises in the temple yard. Worried for
the safety of their priestess, they rushed out to see what was wrong.
there?" Hikitsu yelled looking around.
A flame burst forth, shoving the two seishi back
against a wall. From the smoke, a man appeared, his hair the same burning colour as the flames.
"Che. What the f*** is this?" the red-headed man swore. "There's nothin' up
here worth stealin'!" he exclaimed with disgust.
Hikitsu and Tomite struggled to their
feet and summoned their ice magic. "How dare you attack this temple!" they cried as they
Tasuki just laughed. "LEKKA SHINEEEEN!" The two seishi were barely
able to escape the path of the flame as it roared out. They slumped to the ground beaten.
Tasuki wandered over to the fallen seishi. "Che. You'd think if this was some sort of
great place, it'd have better guards than this." He motioned to his fellow bandits.
"Might as well take 'em. We can always sell 'em as slaves since there's nothing better to
As the bandits cleared out of the temple grounds, Tasuki let loose one last
LEKKA SHINEN which burned the rest of the buildings.
Kichiri rose drowsily from her bed.
She yawned and opened her eyes and received a great shock. Around her lay the ruins of her home.
"Taiitsu-kun was right," she muttered as she searched the grounds for a trace of
her friends and adoring seishi. "I CAN sleep through anything."
As everything had
been completely torched, all the poor priestess could find was a tattered paper bag to wear.
Kichiri: WHACK! Not THAT tattered no da!
in amazement at the horrible damage wrought to her temple. "What manner of creature could have
done this no da?" she wondered aloud.
Her question was answered for her as she noticed
the words "GENROU RULZ" emblazoned on the side of a crumbled building.
is the work of the Mount Leikaku bandits!" she cried. "They're not getting away with
this!" And Kichiri marched down the mountain toward Mount Leikaku. A gentle breeze swept
through the charred remains of her home, whipping through the priestess's hair and fluttering the
paper bag around her?
Kichiri: Oi! STOP that no da!
The wind died down abruptly and
the priestess continued on.
Kichiri walked through the land heading for the
bandits. As much as Tomite and Hikitsu annoyed her at times, she still couldn't let them be taken,
especially in such a brash manner. Plus, they allowed her temple to be torched. Tomite and Hikitsu
definitely were going to here about that.
Finally, she entered the forest that led to the
mountain home of the bandits. It was nearing dusk so Kichiri began to speed up. Not too far into
the woods, she spotted an inn.
"Hmm. All this walking is making me hungry," she
thought, so she stopped in and bought some food. Since it was getting late, she took it to go and
continued on toward the mountain.
"You're going to walk in this forest at night? To
Mount Leikaku?" the innkeeper exclaimed as Kichiri made to leave. "Don't you know there's
a wolf on the loose? Word is it's after young girls."
"I'm not scared. Besides,
I have to get to the mountain as soon as possible no da." And undaunted, Kichiri left the inn.
As night fell, Kichiri summoned a light spell. She was making pretty good time
until she suddenly felt the presence of something evil approaching her. She stopped and turned
around. A shadowy figure emerged from the bushes.
"Hey cutie, whatcha got there?"
"Dinner, and it's not for you no da."
"If you don't give
me any, then I'll eat you!" Kichiri just stood there and rolled her eyes. "I will you
know. I'm a scary WOLF!"
Kichiri looked at him. "You look more like a dirty old
martial arts master in a wolf costume to me no da." And she belted Tokaki into orbit and
continued on her way.
Finally, as the sun was beginning to dawn, Kichiri
reached the peak of Mount Leikaku. She was very annoyed to have to fight so many guards while only
wearing a paper bag, although it did provide a convenient distraction. By the time she reached the
door of the bandit's lair, her paper bag had been reduced?
Kichiri: I'm warning you no da!
...surprisingly little considering her trials. ^^;;
She reached up and banged on the
door of the lair, shouting loudly for the leader to come out.
Inside, Tasuki rolled over and
shoved the pillow over his head. "Aaaahhh! Turn it off, whatever it is! It's too f***ing
early!" But the banging and shouting continued until the hungover bandit dragged himself out
of bad and to the door.
"Nanya?" he complained as he swung open the door. His
eyes widened as his eyes beheld a girl wearing a paper bag standing at the door. "Who the f***
are you? And why're you making such a racket this f***ing early?"
Kichiri was shocked
as she beheld the very handsome bandit. "I'm a priestess from the?" she began.
"Che. I've got enough priestesses. Come back later. Besides, you don't really look
like one, wearin' that paper bag and all..."
"Kichiri-sama!" came the cry
from inside the bandit's lair. "You've come to save us!" Tomite and Hikitsu looked
lovingly at the priestess with shimmering eyes.
Tasuki glared at them. "These wimps
friends of yours?"
Kichiri sweatdropped. "Sort of... "
they were the only thing worth plundering from your stupid temple, so I'm gonna sell 'em as slaves
to some hentai chicks from the FYML this afternoon so you're outta luck."
He went to
close the door but Kichiri grabbed his arm. This was obviously a very powerful adversary so Kichiri
would have to be careful. Her only hope was to outwit him...
"What the hell is it
now?" Tasuki whined.
"I hear that you're the fastest bandit in all of
Kounan," Kichiri said.
Tasuki puffed up with pride. "Che. I'm the fastest bandit
in all four freakin' countries. Watch this." And he took off so fast he left an afterimage
behind him that stayed around long enough for him to return. "See?" And the bandit held
up a bag of okane with the words "PROPERTY OF TAMAHOME" written on it.
"Sugoi," exclaimed Kichiri. "Say," she went on. "I also hear that
you're the foul-mouthed bandit in the world."
"F***in' right," smirked
Tasuki, and he proceeded to swear in such a creative manner that Kichiri was so stunned that it took
her a full five minutes to recover from the beeping.
"Sugoi!" she said as she came
to. "I'm impressed!"
"Yeah, well, all in a day's work," Tasuki said, a
little embarrassed as he was unaccustomed to such flattery.
Kichiri leaned over to him and
asked her final question. "I also hear that you're the best lover in all of Kounan," she
whispered. "Wanna prove it?"
Tasuki grinned and slid his arm around her.
"My pleasure," he said, guiding her into his lair.
"Ano," Tomite called
to them as they passed by, "Does this mean you'll let us go now?"
her eyes at him and snuggled closer to her fang boy. "Don't worry no da. I'm sure Tomite no
Miko will treat you well. If she has enough money to buy you no da... "
Kichiri and Tasuki disappeared into the depths of the lair, Tomite and Hikitsu started to fervently
pray to Gembu.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Tomite and Hikitsu: What about
Well, all of the ones that counted anyway. ^_-
Owari no da ^_-
The most kakkoi bandit in all four countries no da =P
This story and page design is ©
1998, The Temple of the Blue Dragon. It may be in no part duplicated, posted, or altered without
the author's permission beforehand. In other words, I'm glad that you like it, but please
before you post it. Anyone trying to take credit
for my back breaking labour will be subjected to repeated Rekka Shinen!'s combined with excessively
foul language. =P
Fushigi Yuugi is the property of its wondrous creator, Watase Yuu,
and its respective legal owners. The intent of this page is not to infringe upon said rights;
rather the maintainer encourages all lovers of this and other anime to actively support Fushigi
Yuugi, as well as other anime, by purchasing the manga and commercial releases of the anime (it's
being released this month by ), and other authorized
That is all no da. ^_- ::disappears into her kasa::
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.