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The following is a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

 

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Hate Me
By Courtney

 


Heyyyyy I'm back with a one shot song fic...I know I haven't written anything on my Pierre fic or my Jeff fic...but I was completely out of ideas...and if you have any ideas I would be amazing-ing if you could give me some lol.
I worked pretty hard on this fic And I actually kinda like it I used one of my favourite songs for it too
and just as a notice I NEVER would think David as a drug addict...I just used him because Breanne wanted me to lmao
OOHHH and
I think you all know
I don't own David...I don't own the song and I don't own Breanne.

Please Read and Review!!!

Peace
<3 Courtney

Hate Me




I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She was the reason I was still living…but my question was…why would she care so much? I was a loser who did drugs and drank way too much. Hell when I was drunk or high I hit her a few times, and had to say sorry over a million times and I still feel bad, but she just kept pushing me to forget the drugs, and kept saying was ruining my life, she just wanted to help but I kept doing it. After EVERYTHING she had done for me, I still continued it. I really tried to block her out of my mind, so I wouldn't feel so bad, but she never gave up…not once.

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Her name is Breanne she was full of laughter and I barely ever saw her without a smile on her face, I couldn't stand to think I was the reason that smile sometimes was missing and she had a disappointed look on her face. I used to wish that she would just get mad and start yelling at me…and wipe the disappointed look off of her face, because it hurt a hell of a lot more. She also never gave up on phoning me…I swear there at least 20 messages from just the past few days, begging me to answer the phone. I desperately fought the urge to answer it; she needed to forget me…she needed to hate me for what I had done to her. It would be good for her…to move on, onto a new boyfriend who could provide the care and love that she needed, not the constant worrying.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you


I finally broke down…I had to answer that phone, it was driving me nuts that she had kept phoning, I wanted her to give up…to forget about me…but she didn't. And it wasn't going to happen. So when she came over she had locked the medicine cabinet, got rid of all the alcohol in the house, basically she almost childproofed the whole god damn house.

“Why are you doing this for me?” I asked quietly the night she had come over to my house.

She paused for a minute as she finished gathering up the alcohol bottles in a neat row. She bit her lip as she sat down next to me, “Because…” She started in a quiet tone as she laid her hand on mine, “I love you…”

I cracked a smile…for the first time in a couple of weeks, “After all I have done to you…you still love me? Why Breanne? I don't deserve it!” I said putting my head down on the table, “I'm just a fuck up…I don't deserve you.”

She sighed to herself, “I know what you are like without the drugs and alcohol…” She squeezed my hand, “I want that David back.”

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind


*3 Months Later*

She had done it. She had helped me stay off the drugs and alcohol… everything that had changed me. I had been sober for 3 months, not much you may think, but to me, it meant a lot…and it meant even more to Breanne. I promised her I wouldn't do it anymore…I couldn't.

It was all worth it to see her smiling again, and to be able to wake up beside her and being able to remember everything that happened the night before and not having to say sorry for abusing her or something…I told her every day how much this meant to me, I said thank-you to her every time we brought it up.

I woke up one day by arm wrapped tightly around her waist and my head was nuzzled into her neck, she looked beautiful as she slept soundly, her breathing was slow and rhythmic.

I lifted my arm off of her side and quietly got out of the bed, careful not to wake her from her peaceful sleep.

I grabbed the jeans I had been wearing the day before and a random shirt from my drawer and threw it on before opening the door as quietly I could.

I honestly didn't know where I was going, I just felt like I really needed to get out of the house…

I walked outside, it was still a bit dark out side…but this was the way I liked it. No one was out walking…and it was silent. The way I liked it.

I stuffed my hands into my jean pockets and put my head down and I made up my mind on where I was going to go. I walked towards one my favourite places to go…

The cemetery.

The whole drug addiction started when I lost my sister. We both were extremely close…and losing her was the worst thing that could happen. I was broken. Numb.

I turned to the drugs…just to get me out of the depression, but they became addicting and I couldn't live without them. Just like you can't live without air or water…I couldn't live without the drugs. I became so dependent on them.

I walked slowly towards her grave and sat down in front of it. I came here a lot, especially after I had quit the drugs. I felt that I owed her a lot…even though she is dead…I could feel the pain of guilt every time I thought about it.

Breanne had understood what I was going though, but when it started to get bad…she started to worry…and that led to everything else.

I traced my fingers over the cold tombstone as tears clouded my eyes.

Julie Desrosiers
September 6th 1977 - March 10th 2007
Will Be Missed…But Not Forgotten.
A Wonderful Daughter, Sister, Wife, and Friend.

The band took a break, just for a few months, for me. To recover from losing Julie. And the couple of months turned into a lot longer after they learned about the drug addiction. They said it was for the best. They cared. They understood. Of course I hurt my fans…but they may not have understood exactly what I was going though.

I honestly felt bad for everything I had put everyone through. Taking all the drugs, making people really worry about me. But I couldn't help it.

I sat in front of the tombstone and picked at a blade of grass and ripped it apart it my hand. That's how my life felt like before…that someone was just ripping it apart. I threw the pieces of grass away from me and sniffled slightly as I stood up. I laid my hand on her tombstone for a moment as a soft sob escaped me.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

I remember the day that everything changed for Breanne and me. It was such a clear memory. So crisp in my mind.

I had poured 5 prescription drugs into my hand, and downed them with alcohol. I drank the rest of the bottle and put it on the table, wiping my mouth. I honestly wanted to kill myself that night. I didn't know what else to do with my life. I lost someone. Someone so close to me.

I remember after a while my head was killing me, and my vision was getting blurry and I was going to pass out any minute from the pain. I dropped to the floor holding my head from the pain. It felt like someone split my head in half. Next thing I remember was yelling, “Make it go away!” and Breanne appearing at my side…crying. She apparently had called an ambulance already and was now crying over me, as she held my head up.

“How can you do this to me?” She whispered into my ear, I felt hot tears fall onto my face.

And then I passed out. That was all I remember.

I walked home. Slowly. Just to think about everything, everything that happened over the last few months. Thinking about how much Breanne meant to me…how much I did love her. Even thinking about talking to the rest of the band and telling them I was ready to start playing again. I really did miss it. A lot.

I entered our house, the warm air greeted me and it made me realize I was freezing. I rubbed my hands together as I walked into the kitchen to grab myself some coffee. If Breanne was up…there was definitely coffee made.

She was making the coffee. Just as I thought. Her back was to me, I smiled to myself as I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist and laid my head on her shoulder.

She turned around to face me, she was smiling and she pecked me on the lips, “Hey you.”

I smiled softly at her, “Hey beautiful.” I paused as she put her head on my chest softly; I wrapped my arms around her, “Breanne?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah?” She asked lifting her head to look at me.

“Thanks…for everything, I love you.”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you

 

The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.

Please see the Terms of Service for more information.

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