Anime/Manga Fan Fiction >> Tenchi Muyo
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By D.B Sommer
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[Writer's note: Felt like revising this one to serve as a break in the usual
It was a good day to be the Universe's Greatest Scientific Genius.
Of course, every day was a good day to be the Universe's Greatest Scientific
Genius, because no matter how bad it got, you were always smarter than
everybody else. And if anybody gave you a hard time, all you had to do was
create some incredibly powerful intimidating machine that would put them in
their proper place. Sometimes molecule by molecule if they were particularly
bothersome. Oh yes, it was very good to be very brilliant.
A soft smile crept across Washuu's features as she casually strolled through
the brilliantly (everything she built was brilliant) lit corridors of her
spaceship. It was a very nice ship, one she had designed herself. She had
been tempted to go around in a Dysen Sphere, but there was something to be
said about traveling in a large spaceship rather than a sphere the size of a
planet. There was such a thing as overkill.
The smile she beamed grew even wider. It was a proud day for Washuu, and it
was entirely because of the report she had just received on an experiment
she had been conducting for some time. The results had all came back in the
green, which delighted her to no end. It appeared that her greatest creation
had been a success, and on the first try, too. It was a particularly proud
moment for her. True, the redhead scientist had created many things in her
lifetime, but nothing as important as this.
After all, it wasn't every day one became a mother.
It was only the second time for Washuu, and though it hadn't been as fun as
the manner in which her first child had been created, it still made her beam
with joy. There was still the name to decide upon, though. Personally, she
was leaning towards either Kasumi or Akane. Her gofer... err, personal
executive assistant, had come up with one she really didn't like: Ryouko.
There was no way in hell any creation of hers was going to end up with a
name like that. It conjured up images of a lust-driven space pirate or
Still beaming, Washuu entered her quarters and spotted a package on the bed.
It was a box, about one foot wide and tall, and covered in red and green
wrapping paper with a bow tied in the shape of a crab on it.
"What's this?" Washuu spotted a card on top and read it. It was from her
gof... personal executive assistant. "My birthday isn't until next month."
She considered returning the gift to him and explaining the mistake. "Nah. I
like presents. Hehehehe." She ripped off the wrapper in a flash and opened
the top of the box.
The spring-loaded boxing glove shot up and punched Washuu right in the jaw.
As she fell backward and struck the floor, the last thought she had was at
the indignity of how the Universe's Greatest Scientific Genius had been laid
low by a common, cheap gag from out of a Three Stooges film.
The door to the room made a whooshing sound and Washuu's gof... err,
personal executive assistant entered. Upon seeing his mentor, unconscious on
the floor, he rubbed his hand together with maniacal glee.
Dr. Clayton Forrester was a happy camper.
Yep. You've seen lots of MST3K reviews before, either with the original cast
or anime substitutes taking the role of Joel, Mike, and the robots. But
never have the cast of MST3K actually been included in the role of a
non-review style fic (at least to my knowledge. And since I haven't seen it,
it cannot exist) Therefore, it's time to introduce:
Washuu Science Theater 3000
(Formally know as Fusions That Should Never Be II )
You can contact me with plenty of flames and complaints at:
Standard disclaimer: Hell, no. I don't own any of the TM! Or MST3K
All of my works are being stored at L. Ang's page at:
And at Larry F's site at:
The first sensation Washuu felt was that of lying on a cold, unyielding
metal surface. More senses quickly returned and more stimuli followed,
allowing Washuu to achieve full consciousness once more. She sat up, taking
in her surroundings. She was in some kind of chamber, small and brightly
lit. There was a table in front of her with a punch button and three
different colored lights on it. There was some sort of ridiculous looking
door with the number 5 in the middle of it at one side of the room. The
floor was composed of metal -cheap, crappy metal- and there was a viewscreen
in front of her. The whole place had the overall appearance of being a
Her thoughts turned to the one who had put her in this situation. What did
that moron, Forrester, think he was doing knocking her out with that old
trick? Was he angry at her for using him in some of her experiments? It
wasn't as though she had done anything terrible to him, just extracted a few
useful samples that she might use if she wanted to create a biological
monstrosity sometime later on down the line. Nothing to get angry about.
Well, there was the disintegrater experiments, but she had reintegrated him
immediately after turning him into a pile of ashes. True, not everything had
ended up back where it belonged, but she had corrected that too, right after
she had lunch and taken a nap. Nothing there to get angry about. He was just
too easily irritated.
Ultimately, Washuu supposed that his motivations were irrelevant; what he
had done was just wrong. Being a true scientist, she would be certain to
explain that by employing a host of situational examples. There was an
experimental hair removal cream that she needed to test. And then there was
the impotence formula she needed to try out...
The viewscreen towards the front of the room flickered on, breaking her
concentration on all of the 'fun' things she was going to do to him. The
familiar sight of a man in his early thirties with mustache and thick green
glasses stared her straight in the eyes.
"Well, well, it looks like you've woke up, my little font of information."
"Forrester, you monster! How dare you take advantage of me while I was
unconscious," Washuu growled.
Dr. Forrester looked at her in confusion. "I didn't take advantage of you."
Washuu felt herself over. "Hey! You really didn't. Why didn't you take
advantage of me when I was unconscious? Are you implying I'm unattractive?"
"No. I'm just not a pedophile. If I was, this would be an SI fic with Sasami
instead of a really bad fusion idea."
"Good point," Washuu conceded.
Dr. Forrester tried to bring the conversation back in line. "Anyway,
wouldn't you like to know why I've done what I've done?"
"Aw, c'mon," Dr. Forester whined. "I can't go onto the next stage of my evil
scientist plan if you won't show at least a little curiosity in it."
Washuu sighed. He was right. Evil mad gof... evil mad scientists that were
formerly personal executive assistants did need someone to exhibit at least
a low level of interest in their so-called evil plans. In a tired voice, she
said, "All right. Why have you done this to me?"
Dr. Forrester clapped his hands together gleefully. "Now we're getting
somewhere. Ahem, I allowed myself to be demeaned as your personal executive
assistant in order to knock you out and take over your little operation."
"You know, if I wanted someone to trick me and take everything over, I'd
have hired Kagato instead of you. Now he had some class, not to mention he
also knew how to make a good cup of coffee. And he could play the organ
"And he could play the organ too," Dr. Forrester mocked in a bad parody of
what Washuu had just said. "You've always rubbed my face in that. It's not
my fault my mother made me take xylophone lessons!"
"Every decent evil scientist needs to be able to play a cool musical
instrument. Something ominous, like an organ or a sousaphone," Washuu
"I'll just hire a band," Dr. Forrester countered, then took a moment to
compose himself. "Anyway, I'm running things now, as you can see. Well, as
you will see. Allow me to show you." He turned to something that was
offscreen. "Come on over here, my dear."
A cyan-haired woman, dressed in a plain black suit, floated past the
viewscreen. "Hi there," she waved happily at the monitor.
"Hey! That's Kasumi!" Washuu shouted.
"No. This is TV's Ryouko," Dr. Forrester corrected.
"Blech! I hated that name," Washuu said.
"It's a good name," Dr. Forrester countered.
"Yeah, it's a lot better than a crappy one like Kasumi." TV's Ryouko made a
face. "I just get an image of some cheap prostitute or whore whenever you
say a name like that."
Washuu was offended. "You shouldn't talk that way to your mother."
A knowing glance was exchanged between TV's Ryouko and Dr. Forrester. "You
were right. She did try to use that 'I'm your mother' angle to get me to
turn against you." Ryouko turned to Washuu once more. "You know something,
if you were really my mother, I'd rather be an orphan."
"Hey! You ingrate! I could have decided I'd rather have a pet instead of a
daughter. It'd probably have a better personality too. Besides, you'd be
better looking as a pikachu." Washuu folded her arms across her small bosom.
"Why you!" An energy sword appeared in TV Ryouko's hand and Dr. Forrester
was forced to restrain her to prevent her from destroying the viewscreen.
Once he had TV's Ryouko under control, Dr. Forrester turned his attention
back to Washuu. "Now, in case you're wondering where you are, I'll let you
know. You are trapped in a construct of mine I made in subspace. I call it,
the Satellite of Love."
"Come down here and let me give you a big dose of affection," Washuu
"That's all right. I'm quite happy up here on your spaceship. Besides, I'd
like to keep my body parts where they belong this time around." Forester
grinned evilly at his former employer. "You see, I have learned a lot from
you in the months I've served as your personal executive assistant."
"Personal executive assistant?" TV's Ryouko made a face. "That sounds like a
fancy way of saying you were her gofer."
"Be quiet!" Dr. Forester snapped, then turned to Washuu again. "Anyway, I
have decided to begin my studies by experimenting on unwilling test
subjects, like you did with me, only my experiments are going to be much
worse than anything you came up with."
"You're going to lock me in a room with a bunch of hot-looking, well-hung
male supermodels, along with a five year supply of viagra, and then they all
turn out to be gay?"
"Ah, no. Not quite that evil."
"You'll lock me in a room with a sweet, yet air-headed Galaxy Police officer
that can thwart any plan or scheme I can come up with without even realizing
"No. I'm not that evil either."
"Thank god. I have nightmares about that sort of thing." Washuu considered
things once more. "You're going to let me out of here so I can kick your
butt for locking me down here in the first place?"
"Well I did consider...No! I'm not going to do that!" Dr. Forrester cleared
his throat. "I'm going to keep you trapped down there and send you really
bad movies and watch you suffer endlessly. MUHAHAHAHA!"
"That doesn't sound too evil."
"You've never seen the uncut film version of 'Artemis's Lover,' done by
Juraiain directing legend, Roger Korman, have you?"
"Th...that's horrible!" Washuu gasped.
"Or I can send you 'Showgirls', instead."
"AHHHH!" Washuu began screaming and pounding her fists ineffectually at the
viewscreen. It was an evil experiment. She would have been very proud of Dr.
Forrester if she had not been the lab rat being experimented upon.
"No need for panic," Dr. Forrester said in a smooth voice and thereby
fulfilling the required 'No need for' statement somewhere in the Tenchi
fusion fic. "We can have a little invention exchange. Here's the way it will
work. I'll invent something, and you can invent something. And then we'll
compare the two inventions. If what you came up with is better than what I
came up with, you won't have to watch the movie."
"Ha! I've already won." Washuu raised her hand in triumph. "I am the
Universe's Greatest Scientific Genius and you're only a dumb old wanna be
evil scientist that can't make a decent cup of coffee. How can you possibly
expect to defeat me?"
"I'll be the one judging the competition."
"That might do it," Washuu conceded. "Well, I'll need some materials to
"Certainly." Dr. Forrester turned to TV's Ryouko. "Send Professor Washuu her
The two exchanged sinister giggles, then Ryouko gathered some materials and
sent them via the invention exchange teleporter, to Washuu.
Dr. Forrester allowed Washuu a moment to look over her materials, then he
snickered evilly again. "I'd like to see what you can do with a bowling pin,
a couple of Ping-Pong balls, a lacrosse stick, a bubble gum machine, and
some other crappy little odds and ends."
Washuu looked the materials over. "Aren't you going to give me any duct
"And have you build a sub-space dimensional escape transporter?! I think
not. What kind of a fool do you take me for?"
Washuu snapped her fingers. She had thought for sure she could have slipped
that one by him. With a sigh, she said, "Tell you what, why don't you show
me your invention first, and while you're explaining it, I'll get started on
mine?" She cracked her knuckles, pulled out a piece of chewing gum and a
quarter as her only tools, and began to work.
"A good idea," Dr. Forrester agreed. He snapped his fingers in TV's Ryouko's
direction. She teleported away, then came back with a bizarre-looking
creature in hand.
"Wow!" Washuu said in awe. "What a bizarre-looking creature. Even I couldn't
have come up with something as grotesque as that."
"Neither could I," Dr. Forrester reluctantly admitted. "Ryouko, you grabbed
a normal platypus."
"Hey, you told me to grab the bizarre-looking creature in the cage in the
labs," TV's Ryouko defended.
"Well, not that bizarre creature. The one I want is also bizarre, but not
quite as bizarre as that."
TV's Ryouko rolled her eyes. "Whatever. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't
treat me like a gofer."
"That's 'personal executive assistant' not 'gofer', and that is exactly what
"But I wanna be a space pirate."
TV's Ryouko began sniffling. "But you said that when it came time to choose
a career, I could be anything I wanted to be, except a lawyer."
"Oh, all right," Dr. Forrester relented in the face of the sniffling. "When
I don't need you as a personal executive assistant, you can be a space
pirate. Now get the invention."
TV's Ryouko clapped her hands in glee and teleported to and back, this time
holding a different bizarre-looking creature. It was an example of advanced
genetic splicing of three creatures that still managed to appear a whole lot
less bizarre-looking than an everyday, average, unaltered platypus.
Dr. Forrester held the creature behind his back so Washuu couldn't see it.
"What I have here is an example of genetic splicing that even the
self-proclaimed 'Universe's Greatest Scientific Genius' couldn't come up
Washuu interrupted her work for a moment as she placed her hand to her chin
in thought. "Let me guess. It's a combination of cat, rabbit, and mass, that
has an affinity for carrots, 'miya's a lot, and can turn into a spaceship?"
"What a lucky guess," Dr. Forrester said dryly as he brought out the cabbit
before him, holding it by its long ears. It "Miya"d happily and waved at
"It seemed obvious to me." Washuu waved back, then returned to her work.
"I call her Ryo-Ohki," TV's Ryouko said cheerfully as she took the cabbit
from Dr. Forrester and began cuddling it.
It didn't matter to Dr. Forrester. There was no way even Washuu could build
anything out of the useless items he had given her. "What's your pitiful
Washuu stood back and unveiled her masterpieces. "These are two
top-of-the-line robots." One was golden and made with the bowling pin,
Ping-Pong balls, lacrosse stick, and some of the other odds and ends. The
second robot was primarily red and made out of the bubble gum machine.
"Washuu, you're the best," the gold one announced enthusiastically to the
"Washuu, you're the greatest," the bubblegum machine one said just as
Washuu smirked at Dr. Forrester. "You see. My robots are obviously
brilliant, having deduced my true skills and inner nature within a matter of
"Umm, actually, I don't find you all that inspiring," the gold one said an a
much more flat and calm voice.
"And what exactly makes you 'the greatest'? The greatest what? Redhead?
Short woman? Person trapped in sub-space? And since we've just been created
and never known anyone else, doesn't that, at the same time, also make you
the worst?" the bubblegum machine one asked in a peppy, yet practical voice.
"And if you're so great, why didn't you have build a CD player in me? I like
to listen to music," the gold one asked.
A sweatdrop formed on Washuu's forehead. "C'mon guys, behave yourselves."
"I think we are well behaved."
"Yes. It's not like we've thrown any loud parties and had Leonard Maltin
pass out in the cheese dip or something."
"I like them," Dr. Forrester laughed.
"Same here," TV's Ryouko said. "What are their names?"
"Kasumi and Akane." Washuu indicated the gold one first and the red one
second. She was going to get to name something around here.
"Yuck! I don't like that name," the red one said.
"Me neither. I don't want to be called Kasumi." The gold one shook his head.
"I think the gold one looks like a crow," TV's Ryouko suggested.
"Hey, cool," the newly dubbed Crow said. "It's a smooth, yet gentle name
that conveys a feeling of strength, and yet tenderness of spirit."
"Kasumi is a gentle name too," Washuu insisted.
"No way!" Crow countered. "Saying Kasumi invokes images of some cheap
prostitute or whore. I like Crow."
The red one began hopping up and down, despite having no legs and only the
round bottom of the bubblegum machine as his base. "Pick one for me! Pick
one for me!" he shouted at TV's Ryouko.
TV's Ryouko thought about it. "You look like a Tom Servo to me."
"Ohhh!" Tom moaned. "That's so sensual. Just like James Bond, except I'm not
a secret agent and have no interest in women."
"Well, that's settled," Crow said happily.
"It is not." Washuu would have said more, but Dr. Forrester cut in.
"I think its pretty obvious who has the better invention here."
"Miya," Ryo-Ohki agreed.
"That's wight. You're daddy's widdle cabbit." Dr. Forrester scratched
Ryo-Ohki behind the ears.
"Hey, scratch me behind the ears too," Crow said as he began rubbing next to
"Me too! Me too!" Tom said as he did likewise on Washuu's other side.
"You two do realize you don't have ears?" Washuu pointed out.
"And who's fault is that?" Crow said accusingly, with Tom joining in.
Dr. Forrester turned his attention to Washuu again. "Anyway, this week's
movie is a terrible little piece of garbage that was directed by that well
known Juraiain environmentalist, Trie Huggar. It's called, 'The Day the
Trees Screamed.' Hope you enjoy it. NOT! Send them the movie, Ryouko!"
Again, Dr. Forrester and TV's Ryouko, joined by their cabbit, Ryo-Ohki,
laughed or miyaed evilly as they watched Washuu shout out, "We've got movie
sign!" and then was hurled into the theater attachment in subspace.
Not one of my better works, but I needed a break. Next chapter of Path will
be out by Sunday, with any luck. Chapter 5 is coming along slow and sure.
Should go out to prereaders sometime next week.
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The preceeding was a work of fiction. Any statements regarding any person, place, or other entity (real or imaginary) is the sole responibility of the author of this work of fiction. Fan Works Inc. takes no responsibility for the content of user submitted stories. All stories based on real people are works of fiction and do not necessarily reflect on the nature of the individuals featured. All stories based on other copyrighted works are written with authors knowing that these works violate copyright laws.
Please see the Terms of Service for more information.