hmmm, well, this was actually pretty good. There were some grammer, spelling, and typo issues though. But you already told me that would be there, so I pay that no mind. I thought that it was moving at a fast pace, but not rediculously so. You can tell what's happening and why it's happening, and sometimes writers tend not to make that clear. so good job with that. If you just took more time to edit it before you posted, i think this could turn out pretty good.